Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Visited some friends today that I've not seen in a while. One was actually my high school freshman English teacher and drama coach. We had lunch at a local cafe and when we finished her and her husband invited me to take a look at their library. I love libraries, books period are just a fetish of mine. I'd spend all day in a book store over shopping for clothes and shoes any day of the week. I just don't enjoy shopping but looking at books for hours on end is one of my favorite things to do. My friends sent me from their library with 2 book bag loads of books. I'm so excited about diving into them.
One of the books had a very wise piece of advice about absence written in it. From Gospel Medicine by Barbara Brown Taylor, "One thing is for sure: there is no sense of absence where there has been no sense of presence. What makes absence hurt, what makes it ache, is the memory of what used to be there but is no longer......You cannot miss what you have never known, which makes our sense of absence - and especially our sense of God's absence - the very best proof that we knew God once, and that we may know God again. There is loss in absence, but there is also hope, because what happened once can happen again and only an empty cup can be filled. It is only when we pull that cup out of hiding, when we own up to the emptiness, the absence, the longing inside - it is only then that things can begin to change."
Some may question why I put the part about "that we knew God once, and that we may know God again". We've had times in our walk with God that we get away from the closeness we once had with Him. In my case I once became so mad at God I didn't want to have anything to do with Him. And I did miss Him when I was able to realize I had pushed Him away and He wasn't there like He use to be. God is a gentleman, He is never going to force Himself into your life without your permission.
I also know from experience that God is always with us when we are heartbroken. Filling up the void that seems like a huge hole inside our heart. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
Isaiah 40:11 "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." I am reassured in my brokenness knowing that God cares for me when my heart aches and hurts. God knows what is next and He knows what is best for me.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Believing the Unbelievable
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
"And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord." Luke 1:45 (KJV)
I'm blogging tonight on account of my best friend, Andrea. I was just not in the mood yesterday and tonight I don't feel like saying anything. I think I just want to have a nice quiet pity party all by myself. Is that okay sometimes? To not always be happy and smiling and everything coming up roses?
So I love this verse and I got the title of this blog from a chapter out of a book I'm reading by Michelle McKinney Hammond, How to be Blessed and Highly Favored. In the first chapter of Luke, Mary has just been told she will carry the Almighty God's son and be His mother. And she believed what she was told and without hesitation she praised God for what He told her. How many of us doubt the little things God tells us about our life? I know I'm guilty of it or I maul it over in my mind so much it has been 'handled' too much to even recognize what it was I told to begin with. Am I making any sense to anyone? What I'm trying to say is that as children of God we have GOT to believe Him who tells us the truth and stop trying to recreate our own truth.
Recently God truly blessed my heart with some information and even now when I laugh about it, God wants to tease me into being 'doubting Sarah' (from the Old Testament) but I assure Him I am in wonder and awe much like Mary was about her news. No my news is not that I'm pregnant but my news is from God and certainly can be thought of as truly unbelievable but I believe the One who told me, completely. I trust the Lord knows what He is doing and I'm not going to get in His way or doubt Him anymore.
I'm getting ready to change the subject of this blog, again. It's my adult ADHD everything will be fine. Changing stuff up helps my mind with all its swirling ideas! lol Anyway, it may take me a week or two to decide on what I'm doing but it's okay. Hey here's a funny one, I just picked up the book titled God Will Make a Way What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do. Maybe there's a few cool ideas inside those pages. We'll see. For those you who truly do care about me, I'm okay. I miss my children tremendously but I am being obedient to God with the choices I've made. I just have feelings and emotions like everyone else in the world and I can't pretend that I'm always happy and doing fine. God has sustained me through this tragedy and He will continue to do so. I'm healing from a lifetime of missed moments with my mother so there is a flip side to this and that is a nice blessing in my life. She is so much fun and she makes me laugh so hard sometimes I can't make it to the bathroom!!!! TMI My mom is the best and God is blessing us with our time together. She even misses me when I come to McKenzie to visit my children and family. Other than that I'm believing God for everything He is going to do in my life. He is so amazing how He works our life's pain out for the best in His plan.
"And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord." Luke 1:45 (KJV)
I'm blogging tonight on account of my best friend, Andrea. I was just not in the mood yesterday and tonight I don't feel like saying anything. I think I just want to have a nice quiet pity party all by myself. Is that okay sometimes? To not always be happy and smiling and everything coming up roses?
So I love this verse and I got the title of this blog from a chapter out of a book I'm reading by Michelle McKinney Hammond, How to be Blessed and Highly Favored. In the first chapter of Luke, Mary has just been told she will carry the Almighty God's son and be His mother. And she believed what she was told and without hesitation she praised God for what He told her. How many of us doubt the little things God tells us about our life? I know I'm guilty of it or I maul it over in my mind so much it has been 'handled' too much to even recognize what it was I told to begin with. Am I making any sense to anyone? What I'm trying to say is that as children of God we have GOT to believe Him who tells us the truth and stop trying to recreate our own truth.
Recently God truly blessed my heart with some information and even now when I laugh about it, God wants to tease me into being 'doubting Sarah' (from the Old Testament) but I assure Him I am in wonder and awe much like Mary was about her news. No my news is not that I'm pregnant but my news is from God and certainly can be thought of as truly unbelievable but I believe the One who told me, completely. I trust the Lord knows what He is doing and I'm not going to get in His way or doubt Him anymore.
I'm getting ready to change the subject of this blog, again. It's my adult ADHD everything will be fine. Changing stuff up helps my mind with all its swirling ideas! lol Anyway, it may take me a week or two to decide on what I'm doing but it's okay. Hey here's a funny one, I just picked up the book titled God Will Make a Way What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do. Maybe there's a few cool ideas inside those pages. We'll see. For those you who truly do care about me, I'm okay. I miss my children tremendously but I am being obedient to God with the choices I've made. I just have feelings and emotions like everyone else in the world and I can't pretend that I'm always happy and doing fine. God has sustained me through this tragedy and He will continue to do so. I'm healing from a lifetime of missed moments with my mother so there is a flip side to this and that is a nice blessing in my life. She is so much fun and she makes me laugh so hard sometimes I can't make it to the bathroom!!!! TMI My mom is the best and God is blessing us with our time together. She even misses me when I come to McKenzie to visit my children and family. Other than that I'm believing God for everything He is going to do in my life. He is so amazing how He works our life's pain out for the best in His plan.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Sorrow is Better than Laughter
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I'm getting ready to go to my star gazing spot. I feel really alone today. I don't know why b/c in the 2 years I've been separated and divorced I've not felt lonely. I know I said I felt alone today, but I also felt loneliness. Even now as I have prayed to my heavenly Father about knowing it is okay to be alone, I still feel loneliness - an aching inside my heart that won't go away. As a child when this feeling would creep in I would tell myself that God was going to make it all better one day and I wouldn't ever have to be alone again. And now as an adult I tell myself the same thing but it still doesn't help the hurt I feel.
I'm trying to be positive with this blogspot but sometimes we just have to be transparent and real. I HURT! I want to cry myself to sleep like a baby most nights. And I wonder if anyone besides my heavenly Father even cares. Then I dry my little tears up and pull myself up by my boot straps and get on with my life. As a kid and teenage girl whenever I was emotionally upset or hurt my dad would always tell me I was tough. My grandfather always encouraged me to pick my head up, stop looking down at the ground, and carry myself like the somebody I know I am. These 2 men heavily influenced my emotional heartache. Tough and proud. What a combination. Now all I want to do with both of these is stick them in a trash can somewhere so I can just sit and bawl my eyes out. Being alone has taught me that being tough is an asset and to always be mindful of where I've come from.
Ecclesiastes 7:3 "Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart."
Max Lucado states in his book It's Not About Me, "To say 'It's not about you' is not to say you aren't loved; quite the contrary. It's because God loves you that it's not about you. And, oh, what a love this is. It's 'too wonderful to be measured' (Ephesians 3:19 CEV). But though we cannot measure it, may I urge you to trust it? Some of you are so hungry for such love. Those who should have loved you didn't. Those who could have loved you wouldn't. You were left at the hospital. Left at the altar. Left with an empty bed. Left with a broken heart. Left with your question, 'Does anybody love me?' Please listen to heaven's answer. As you ponder him on the cross, hear God assure, 'I do.'"
I'm getting ready to go to my star gazing spot. I feel really alone today. I don't know why b/c in the 2 years I've been separated and divorced I've not felt lonely. I know I said I felt alone today, but I also felt loneliness. Even now as I have prayed to my heavenly Father about knowing it is okay to be alone, I still feel loneliness - an aching inside my heart that won't go away. As a child when this feeling would creep in I would tell myself that God was going to make it all better one day and I wouldn't ever have to be alone again. And now as an adult I tell myself the same thing but it still doesn't help the hurt I feel.
I'm trying to be positive with this blogspot but sometimes we just have to be transparent and real. I HURT! I want to cry myself to sleep like a baby most nights. And I wonder if anyone besides my heavenly Father even cares. Then I dry my little tears up and pull myself up by my boot straps and get on with my life. As a kid and teenage girl whenever I was emotionally upset or hurt my dad would always tell me I was tough. My grandfather always encouraged me to pick my head up, stop looking down at the ground, and carry myself like the somebody I know I am. These 2 men heavily influenced my emotional heartache. Tough and proud. What a combination. Now all I want to do with both of these is stick them in a trash can somewhere so I can just sit and bawl my eyes out. Being alone has taught me that being tough is an asset and to always be mindful of where I've come from.
Ecclesiastes 7:3 "Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart."
Max Lucado states in his book It's Not About Me, "To say 'It's not about you' is not to say you aren't loved; quite the contrary. It's because God loves you that it's not about you. And, oh, what a love this is. It's 'too wonderful to be measured' (Ephesians 3:19 CEV). But though we cannot measure it, may I urge you to trust it? Some of you are so hungry for such love. Those who should have loved you didn't. Those who could have loved you wouldn't. You were left at the hospital. Left at the altar. Left with an empty bed. Left with a broken heart. Left with your question, 'Does anybody love me?' Please listen to heaven's answer. As you ponder him on the cross, hear God assure, 'I do.'"
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Taking a look at the relay switch in our lives.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
How many of us have felt unconvinced by another person at some point or another? I mean, right now my own mother is madder than a hen dripped in hot water. Our air conditioner has went out for like the 5th or 6th time this summer. The problem is ants getting inside the relay and burning it out. The landlord is about to be get into an argument with my mother over something that she is too cheap to remedy the problem. An exterminator is all she needs to get rid of the problem but instead she would rather keep sending someone out to fix the same thing over and over again.
So I’m trying to examine my own life and sinful ways in this type of scenario. Asking God to forgive me for the sinful things I do when maybe the problem goes beyond me sinning and into what is in my life that causes the behavior in the first place. Many of us don’t look at the sin in our life as a recurring problem caused by what needs to be eliminated in our life. It could be a toxic person, friends who believe differently than you do, or a secret habit you keep in the closet away from everyone who knows you. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be around toxic people or have friends who believe differently but when we are in the presence of people who believe and behave differently than what our Bible tells us we should believe and behave then we should be prayed up for the Spirit of God to shine through.
I found a verse in Romans that describes some pretty lewd behavior but the verse after the description is how we should carry ourselves in this life. Romans 13:14,”Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” Our flesh wants to win every time, every day and we must keep our flesh under and remember that the Spirit of God lives within us if we have accepted Christ as our Savior.
My prayer is that God will find me all the time worshipping Him and wanting more and more of who He is in my life. When I decide to follow only God’s direction for my life, it is exciting! I sometimes think God is crazy for wanting to do in my life the things He has shown me but I am so excited about all of it! I strive to live a life that is free from the bondage of sin and strife. I ask the Lord to show me how to be merciful to those in my life who have harmed me and hurt me very deeply. And there are times when God just wants to be the only one to take care of those trials for me. I can’t argue with Him.
I will soon be wrapping this blogspot subject up. I will work on another blogspot and continue to post under this name but I will be changing from Down By the River. I’ve enjoyed this time with my mother and getting to have special time with her daily in my life. God is so amazing at bringing our life back to us full circle.
How many of us have felt unconvinced by another person at some point or another? I mean, right now my own mother is madder than a hen dripped in hot water. Our air conditioner has went out for like the 5th or 6th time this summer. The problem is ants getting inside the relay and burning it out. The landlord is about to be get into an argument with my mother over something that she is too cheap to remedy the problem. An exterminator is all she needs to get rid of the problem but instead she would rather keep sending someone out to fix the same thing over and over again.
So I’m trying to examine my own life and sinful ways in this type of scenario. Asking God to forgive me for the sinful things I do when maybe the problem goes beyond me sinning and into what is in my life that causes the behavior in the first place. Many of us don’t look at the sin in our life as a recurring problem caused by what needs to be eliminated in our life. It could be a toxic person, friends who believe differently than you do, or a secret habit you keep in the closet away from everyone who knows you. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be around toxic people or have friends who believe differently but when we are in the presence of people who believe and behave differently than what our Bible tells us we should believe and behave then we should be prayed up for the Spirit of God to shine through.
I found a verse in Romans that describes some pretty lewd behavior but the verse after the description is how we should carry ourselves in this life. Romans 13:14,”Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” Our flesh wants to win every time, every day and we must keep our flesh under and remember that the Spirit of God lives within us if we have accepted Christ as our Savior.
My prayer is that God will find me all the time worshipping Him and wanting more and more of who He is in my life. When I decide to follow only God’s direction for my life, it is exciting! I sometimes think God is crazy for wanting to do in my life the things He has shown me but I am so excited about all of it! I strive to live a life that is free from the bondage of sin and strife. I ask the Lord to show me how to be merciful to those in my life who have harmed me and hurt me very deeply. And there are times when God just wants to be the only one to take care of those trials for me. I can’t argue with Him.
I will soon be wrapping this blogspot subject up. I will work on another blogspot and continue to post under this name but I will be changing from Down By the River. I’ve enjoyed this time with my mother and getting to have special time with her daily in my life. God is so amazing at bringing our life back to us full circle.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
My outing today, has given me closesure.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The zoo outing with my mother today was so much fun. I caught mom asking at least 3 times before this morning, "Are we still planning on going to the zoo tomorrow?" It was like she was the kid for a change. We had a blast and made pictures in a photo booth. I need to find a way to get it posted on this spot. On the way home mom asked what my favorite part of the trip was? I said taking the picture and of course she wanted to know out of the exhibits which one I liked the best. I liked the turtles I filmed for my son to see. He loves turtles and I would've filmed and taken pictures of the lizards & snakes for him but mom didn't want to go into that exhibit. So I was content to not go. She really wanted to see the sea lions but they had already put them up for the day when we got to their exhibit.
We've already made plans to go back in October when they open a new attraction with black bears and wolves from the northwest area of our country. We also come up with another outing to do in the mean time but I've since forgotten what it was. It's just fun to be able to make plans to spend time with my mother. When you go 29 years without having your mother in your life daily, it does something to your soul that it never forgets. Not that I want a sob hanky rag or anything but I know I suffer from bipolar disorder b/c of the many heartaches I endured growing up. But God never left my side during any of those times. I remember as a teenager when I missed my mom I had a stuffed bear she had given me and I named him Taylor after her maiden name, I would take that bear, crawl up in my bed to cry and hug on that gift she had given me. It was healing to be able to ask God to take my tears and make me feel better. And He always did.
Growing up my father was very good to me and he never mistreated me in any way. It just really hurt with the absence of my mother in my life. I got to see her regularly and we talked on the phone alot so the distance didn't seem as far but those 118 miles to Memphis were a world away from me when I hurt the most. When I needed my mom to help comfort those lonely nights, it's hard to talk to your dad about 'boy problems'. I had some pretty amazing girlfriends too though. They helped fill a gap that was left there by my mother's daily absence in my life. And my grandparents were super great to me during the times I was without my mom but it just wasn't the same growing up without your mom.
Now that I'm 118 miles away from my own children you probably think, "well then why do this to your own children?" I have a deeper understanding of why my mother did what she did when she did it. I couldn't stay in the place where I had my children every single day of their lives and had our life all around us. In my small hometown of McKenzie you cannot get away from what you were or what you had. And I was reminded every single day that I was trying to get my children back that I didn't have them. Plus the nosiness of some people will drive a sane person mad! I love my children very much and I'm only allowed to see them minimumally right now. I don't want to get into the details on this very public site but God eventually repays evil with justice and that's all in the Bible. I have my Bible with me right now but I just want to type without anything to hold back. 29 years later and my mother is finally getting back what the locust unjustly ate and took from her. I know the truth about what happened and it's a shame that it's a generational hand-me-down. I promise that I'm breaking this curse and it will no longer have a hold on myself or my children. God promised me in Joel 2:25, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten -...." And I'm not going to look back in order to see what has to happen in order to restore back to me what I've lost. I trust God and I know He protects me every minute of every day. I hope your protection comes from Him too.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Me and my mother!
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
So I’m sure many of you are wondering how much more am I going to add to my life. I told you about my plans to pray specifically for 7 women and keep prayer journals for each of them. And my project I’m starting with my mother, The Locust Project. I’m so excited about both. I started my prayer time for my 7 friends this morning and it was just amazing to pray for someone other than myself. To have a specific person to lift up to the Father in prayer and ask Him to shower them with blessings as they started their day. And my mother and me have our first ‘outing’ with our project tomorrow. We are going to the zoo. Remember the zoo when you were a kid, how each attraction seemed to bring God’s Kingdom of animals alive more and more. As an adult I can’t wait to go on safari in Africa one day. That would be like an adult size zoo for many. So I keep asking mom, “What are we gonna do? We need to DO something!” Now sitting here wondering about it, I keep amazing myself more and more. As children we didn’t have to go DO something to be entertained with our parents. I think just spending time with them was enough for many of us. I know that was the case for me when I would come to Memphis just to visit my mother.
So I was reading in Joel today b/c my friend, Erin told me that’s where the verse about restoring the years the locusts ate was located. Joel 2:25 to be exact, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten-…” this verse is the mantra for The Locust Project. My mother became less of a daily figure in my life in May of 1981 and as I have taken this time all summer to search the reasons I’ve moved to Memphis, I see a parallel in my own children’s lives. I ceased being in Hannah Ellen’s daily life in November of 2008 and Bryce and Celeste’s life in January of 2009. As much as it has pained my soul to be without them b/c I’ve been there every day before this time, I’ve learned to let go and patiently wait on the Lord. He has a plan and reason for all of my heart ache from this recent tragedy. Reading in my New Student Bible from the introduction of Joel the editors write, “Joel urged the priests to call a nationwide day of prayer and fasting to lead the people back to God. Then God would roll back the damage done by the locusts, and more: ‘You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you’ (Joel 2:26). They would emerge from the experience with new, durable confidence in God’s love. So it has often proved for God’s people: a disaster has pressed them to a deeper relationship with him.”
In looking back over my childhood, teenage years, and early adulthood I see how God has paved the way for this time with my mother to be unique. How many of us get the chance to really know our mothers once we are grown? If many of you are laughing saying NEVER! I can tell you now based on my own mother’s reactions to me at times, our mothers have the same sentiments! ;0) I know my mother loves me but I can be a difficult pill to live with at times. Especially if you’re female, I’m use to being around males b/c my father raised me and I had to grow up being the only girl of 4 grandchildren. I learned a lot about boys and nothing about women! So my mother has to tactfully try and teach me that I’m too matter of fact about everything. My honesty, brutal honesty, isn’t a trait my mother enjoys in me. We are learning more and more about each other every day. We have a lot in common - like coffee is OUR THING! I could drink it all the time but I have to stick to 2 pots a day. That’s my limit. Anyway I also see God’s future blessing in getting to know my mother later in life. I am more patient and willing to understand her b/c of my maturity I’ve not formed a baised opinion of her shortcomings. Remember when you were a teenager and your parents, especially your mother for us girls, drove you crazy!! I didn’t go through that too much b/c I had stepmothers. God continues to amaze me with His will for me. And though as a child and teenager I questioned my mother’s absence in my daily life, I now have a connection with my children I wouldn’t otherwise have and I can help get them through this. Back to Joel and the locusts. “Though the locust plague was by far the worst Joel had ever heard of (1:2-3), no historical record of this particular invasion has endured, other than the one Joel left us. The truth is, even the worst natural disasters fade from memory. Joel wanted the disaster to turn people’s attention toward something more lasting-toward an eternal God. Joel wanted God’s people to believe that God controlled the locusts, and, even more important, that God shaped the entire course of history to his plan. As terribly as the locusts had destroyed, and as wonderfully as God had rolled back their destruction, these events only foreshadowed far more terrible and wonderful things. Joel saw that God’s Spirit would transform his people into those who love him constantly, not just when a disaster catches their attention. After a time of terrible judgment, God would create a renewed, secure city for his people, in which he himself would live.” (The New Student Bible)
In the case of the woman in Leo Tolstoy’s short story “Prayer”, “Could it be that unanswered prayer is a strange kind of gift?” I plan to search for the answer to that question as my mother and me create The Locust Project.
So I’m sure many of you are wondering how much more am I going to add to my life. I told you about my plans to pray specifically for 7 women and keep prayer journals for each of them. And my project I’m starting with my mother, The Locust Project. I’m so excited about both. I started my prayer time for my 7 friends this morning and it was just amazing to pray for someone other than myself. To have a specific person to lift up to the Father in prayer and ask Him to shower them with blessings as they started their day. And my mother and me have our first ‘outing’ with our project tomorrow. We are going to the zoo. Remember the zoo when you were a kid, how each attraction seemed to bring God’s Kingdom of animals alive more and more. As an adult I can’t wait to go on safari in Africa one day. That would be like an adult size zoo for many. So I keep asking mom, “What are we gonna do? We need to DO something!” Now sitting here wondering about it, I keep amazing myself more and more. As children we didn’t have to go DO something to be entertained with our parents. I think just spending time with them was enough for many of us. I know that was the case for me when I would come to Memphis just to visit my mother.
So I was reading in Joel today b/c my friend, Erin told me that’s where the verse about restoring the years the locusts ate was located. Joel 2:25 to be exact, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten-…” this verse is the mantra for The Locust Project. My mother became less of a daily figure in my life in May of 1981 and as I have taken this time all summer to search the reasons I’ve moved to Memphis, I see a parallel in my own children’s lives. I ceased being in Hannah Ellen’s daily life in November of 2008 and Bryce and Celeste’s life in January of 2009. As much as it has pained my soul to be without them b/c I’ve been there every day before this time, I’ve learned to let go and patiently wait on the Lord. He has a plan and reason for all of my heart ache from this recent tragedy. Reading in my New Student Bible from the introduction of Joel the editors write, “Joel urged the priests to call a nationwide day of prayer and fasting to lead the people back to God. Then God would roll back the damage done by the locusts, and more: ‘You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you’ (Joel 2:26). They would emerge from the experience with new, durable confidence in God’s love. So it has often proved for God’s people: a disaster has pressed them to a deeper relationship with him.”
In looking back over my childhood, teenage years, and early adulthood I see how God has paved the way for this time with my mother to be unique. How many of us get the chance to really know our mothers once we are grown? If many of you are laughing saying NEVER! I can tell you now based on my own mother’s reactions to me at times, our mothers have the same sentiments! ;0) I know my mother loves me but I can be a difficult pill to live with at times. Especially if you’re female, I’m use to being around males b/c my father raised me and I had to grow up being the only girl of 4 grandchildren. I learned a lot about boys and nothing about women! So my mother has to tactfully try and teach me that I’m too matter of fact about everything. My honesty, brutal honesty, isn’t a trait my mother enjoys in me. We are learning more and more about each other every day. We have a lot in common - like coffee is OUR THING! I could drink it all the time but I have to stick to 2 pots a day. That’s my limit. Anyway I also see God’s future blessing in getting to know my mother later in life. I am more patient and willing to understand her b/c of my maturity I’ve not formed a baised opinion of her shortcomings. Remember when you were a teenager and your parents, especially your mother for us girls, drove you crazy!! I didn’t go through that too much b/c I had stepmothers. God continues to amaze me with His will for me. And though as a child and teenager I questioned my mother’s absence in my daily life, I now have a connection with my children I wouldn’t otherwise have and I can help get them through this. Back to Joel and the locusts. “Though the locust plague was by far the worst Joel had ever heard of (1:2-3), no historical record of this particular invasion has endured, other than the one Joel left us. The truth is, even the worst natural disasters fade from memory. Joel wanted the disaster to turn people’s attention toward something more lasting-toward an eternal God. Joel wanted God’s people to believe that God controlled the locusts, and, even more important, that God shaped the entire course of history to his plan. As terribly as the locusts had destroyed, and as wonderfully as God had rolled back their destruction, these events only foreshadowed far more terrible and wonderful things. Joel saw that God’s Spirit would transform his people into those who love him constantly, not just when a disaster catches their attention. After a time of terrible judgment, God would create a renewed, secure city for his people, in which he himself would live.” (The New Student Bible)
In the case of the woman in Leo Tolstoy’s short story “Prayer”, “Could it be that unanswered prayer is a strange kind of gift?” I plan to search for the answer to that question as my mother and me create The Locust Project.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The Locust Project
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Lately the thought of writing a book has been on mind. So I’ve prayed about it, using the excuse that I could never finish the project while going to school to finish my degree. I’ve even been up in the air about what to write about also. I don’t intend on writing a book that dishes all the dirt and nothing positive comes from it. I’m not sure a book about all the dirt and filth I’ve been through would ever sell. The only way I would write about anything tragic is if it could help someone keep from making the same mistakes I’ve made. I love my family way too much to humiliate anyone in order to sell a book. Hopefully one day the Lord will bless me with the ability and words to talk about much of the tragedy I’ve seen and been through.
My idea for a book will actually take more time than just writing it b/c I’m making it a project that I complete with my mother. It is actually quite fun and it had to come from God b/c I’m not this creative. I will write the book with mom’s input and help. We missed out on 29 years of being in each other’s life daily and now we live together. So the project is about us gaining all those years back in a few months to a couple of years. The words of an evangelist ring in my ears, “Get back the years the locust ate.” In the following months my mother and me will be doing projects that require us to tell each other about our present and past life. Both of us come up with questions for the other to answer. I’m calling it the Locust Project, so to speak. And when we are finished with the project end of it, I’m going to write a book based on our experience through the project questions and to candidly describe what we were going through the past 29 years of our relationship.
Mom likes the idea and is even complimenting my creativity. I should talk to someone about patenting this idea and making it something mothers and daughters around the world can participate in. Mom is even saying we need to go on the Dr. Phil show. :0) I’m just smiling through all the ideas and possibilities. God will bless this project when I give Him all the praise and glory for it. I do believe it is my way of showing my mother that I’ve always loved her and love her still. I want to give her the world b/c she choose to give me life in a time of her life that making the choice to end my life could have been an option. I know I’m a miracle of God b/c my mother told me about how amazing it was to be my mother. God will always give back to you what you’ve lost if only you will search His heart to get it back.
I’m setting myself on a goal date. I am going to take 2 years to do this project. And if I write it as I go then it shouldn’t take me too long to put it together for a publisher. I should give the first copy of the book to my mother for Christmas 2011. Wow, I said it and put myself on a date for the goal! Pray for me as we have a blast doing something together and that I’ll have the patience needed to get this thing published! I may put up a website for the Locust Project and get ideas from mothers & daughters around the world.
Lately the thought of writing a book has been on mind. So I’ve prayed about it, using the excuse that I could never finish the project while going to school to finish my degree. I’ve even been up in the air about what to write about also. I don’t intend on writing a book that dishes all the dirt and nothing positive comes from it. I’m not sure a book about all the dirt and filth I’ve been through would ever sell. The only way I would write about anything tragic is if it could help someone keep from making the same mistakes I’ve made. I love my family way too much to humiliate anyone in order to sell a book. Hopefully one day the Lord will bless me with the ability and words to talk about much of the tragedy I’ve seen and been through.
My idea for a book will actually take more time than just writing it b/c I’m making it a project that I complete with my mother. It is actually quite fun and it had to come from God b/c I’m not this creative. I will write the book with mom’s input and help. We missed out on 29 years of being in each other’s life daily and now we live together. So the project is about us gaining all those years back in a few months to a couple of years. The words of an evangelist ring in my ears, “Get back the years the locust ate.” In the following months my mother and me will be doing projects that require us to tell each other about our present and past life. Both of us come up with questions for the other to answer. I’m calling it the Locust Project, so to speak. And when we are finished with the project end of it, I’m going to write a book based on our experience through the project questions and to candidly describe what we were going through the past 29 years of our relationship.
Mom likes the idea and is even complimenting my creativity. I should talk to someone about patenting this idea and making it something mothers and daughters around the world can participate in. Mom is even saying we need to go on the Dr. Phil show. :0) I’m just smiling through all the ideas and possibilities. God will bless this project when I give Him all the praise and glory for it. I do believe it is my way of showing my mother that I’ve always loved her and love her still. I want to give her the world b/c she choose to give me life in a time of her life that making the choice to end my life could have been an option. I know I’m a miracle of God b/c my mother told me about how amazing it was to be my mother. God will always give back to you what you’ve lost if only you will search His heart to get it back.
I’m setting myself on a goal date. I am going to take 2 years to do this project. And if I write it as I go then it shouldn’t take me too long to put it together for a publisher. I should give the first copy of the book to my mother for Christmas 2011. Wow, I said it and put myself on a date for the goal! Pray for me as we have a blast doing something together and that I’ll have the patience needed to get this thing published! I may put up a website for the Locust Project and get ideas from mothers & daughters around the world.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Yeah! Got my new laptop.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
My new computer came today and I’m typing away on it. I’m so excited about having it b/c well, doesn’t new stuff just make you feel new yourself. I know that sounded rather cheesy and maybe weird but I’ve thought about this new piece of equipment ever since I’ve started shopping around for one. I want to write books and I’ve started the process and owning a laptop will now help me to get going more with what I’ve already started. So, yeah I’m weird b/c I think having a new laptop makes me feel ‘new’. Some people feel this way about a new car or new home or new clothes. I feel this way about a laptop b/c I’ve got some great projects (that will glorify Jesus) I would like to complete with the use of this thing.
I’ve discovered a new author who is quickly becoming one of my favorites. Her name is Michelle McKinney Hammond. I was at the grocery store with my mom after the movie we went to and I picked up a strangely titled book that Ms. Hammond wrote and I couldn’t put it down. I didn’t bring enough money with me and I went home trying not to think of the book but the more I tried not to think about it, the more the book was on my mind and I had to have it. I checked at the library first to see if they had a copy and they didn’t have the particular book I had picked up at the grocery store but they had several of her books. My mom told me she had read one of her books and she liked it. Well by 10 Wednesday night I couldn’t stand it anymore, I had to have that book, I went to the store and bought it. Then yesterday I picked up from the library a couple of other books by the same author. She is an excellent Christian writer and I aspire to do the same type of ministry that she is involved doing.
The book I bought by Michelle McKinney Hammond has me smiling at my decision to not put myself out there to date. The book is centered around finding the man that you want to be found by. (I know how do I do that if I don’t date!) The name of the book is How to be Found By the Man You’ve Been Looking For. It is centered around the Biblical story of Ruth and her mother-in-law, Naomi. Naomi’s 2 sons were named Mahlon which means “sickly” and Chilion which means “wasting away”. “It is time to take control of our lives, ladies, and guard our hearts so we do not grow sickly and waste away after enduring disappointment after disappointment.” I decided as I was divorcing, 2 years ago, that I would not date b/c my children deserved to have my undivided attention b/c they were hurt and suffering from the absence of their father in their daily life. 3 children, are you kidding?! How did I have time to shower myself much less go date?! Anyway, after about almost a year, I decided to date. That was last summer and OMGosh!!!!! It was a nightmare and maybe b/c I have high standards not to mention I want a man who loves my Jesus as much or more than I do. 3 men over a period of 3 months, 2 of them only got 1 date and the third was one of my good friends from high school. I did have a lot of fun with him but he definitely didn’t believe like I did about my God and His son. It was heart tugging to let him go but I told God that I wouldn’t compromise my beliefs for any man.
So I thought about my “new” blogspot topic and I did entertain a dating blog but…..I’m still laughing hang on, WHEW! Okay, see I start college classes in about 10 days and I don’t have time to date right now. And I’m not up for it right now. Sure, if a great guy came along, I’d give him my time and pray that he understands that I’m busy. I guess my take on dating after being married twice, one ending in his untimely death and the other ending in a type of spiritual death for me, is that if God wants to bless me with a wonderful person to be my companion….it will happen without my help. I know I have to be willing to be ‘out there’ (so to speak) to be in the ‘know’ but I don’t have to try so hard. I see women day after day, night after night tripping all over themselves just to be with a man. That is sooo not me and any of my friends reading this know about how much I put myself out there to be noticed. And noticed I get anyway without trying so…..(no I’m not bragging, it’s the truth).
Now, my BFF, Andrea aka Sunshine knows the deepest, darkest secrets of my heart. And she will tell you that I am crazy about a couple of people in my life. BUT….I’m learning to let go and let God with any person that has been in my past either for a while or briefly. Andrea won’t tell you who I’m crazy about and neither will she give you details of how I gush about anyone. A girl has to have something to dream about at night so yes I do like men. I just don’t see the need to put myself out there or fall all over myself to be noticed by my heart’s desire. The Lord will do what He has planned as long as I follow Him and His will for my life, even when that plan doesn’t have who I thought it might have in it. I will follow God’s lead.
So for a blog I’ve decided to follow another friend or acquaintance of mine. She has picked a number of ladies to pray for, for a month. And I’ve decided to do that and I’ve gotten several books from the library on the subject of prayer. The first one explores the topic of When God Doesn’t Answer Your Prayer, which is a book written by Jerry Sittser. With the 7 ladies I’ve picked to pray for I’m purchasing a $1 notebook to write in and it will be filled with my prayers to God, letters from me to them, and answers from God through me to them. My BFF is one of my 7 and my mother is another. I’ve made a list of what I’m specifically praying for each week starting August 24th. So I challenge my followers to pick a few people to pray for, for 30 days and see what happens. At the end of the 30 days time of prayer, I plan on fasting in prayer for them.
All this came to me yesterday when I asked God to change my heart toward prayer. My prayer time has become a little stale and I want it to be exciting and new. The word new doesn’t mean it replaces the old. Webster says that new is of recent origin, production, purchase, etc; having but lately come or been brought into being. Also of a kind now existing or appearing for the first time or now become known. So if you feel a little stuck in your prayer time or with your growth with God try prayer, a new approach to prayer might be what helps. I know I’m looking forward to offering up petitions on behalf of someone besides myself. I was getting a little bit selfish with my shallow “please gimme” prayers to God. I know God is gonna bless the 7 women I choose to lift up daily in prayer. And in the process I may find something I never knew was there the entire time.
My new computer came today and I’m typing away on it. I’m so excited about having it b/c well, doesn’t new stuff just make you feel new yourself. I know that sounded rather cheesy and maybe weird but I’ve thought about this new piece of equipment ever since I’ve started shopping around for one. I want to write books and I’ve started the process and owning a laptop will now help me to get going more with what I’ve already started. So, yeah I’m weird b/c I think having a new laptop makes me feel ‘new’. Some people feel this way about a new car or new home or new clothes. I feel this way about a laptop b/c I’ve got some great projects (that will glorify Jesus) I would like to complete with the use of this thing.
I’ve discovered a new author who is quickly becoming one of my favorites. Her name is Michelle McKinney Hammond. I was at the grocery store with my mom after the movie we went to and I picked up a strangely titled book that Ms. Hammond wrote and I couldn’t put it down. I didn’t bring enough money with me and I went home trying not to think of the book but the more I tried not to think about it, the more the book was on my mind and I had to have it. I checked at the library first to see if they had a copy and they didn’t have the particular book I had picked up at the grocery store but they had several of her books. My mom told me she had read one of her books and she liked it. Well by 10 Wednesday night I couldn’t stand it anymore, I had to have that book, I went to the store and bought it. Then yesterday I picked up from the library a couple of other books by the same author. She is an excellent Christian writer and I aspire to do the same type of ministry that she is involved doing.
The book I bought by Michelle McKinney Hammond has me smiling at my decision to not put myself out there to date. The book is centered around finding the man that you want to be found by. (I know how do I do that if I don’t date!) The name of the book is How to be Found By the Man You’ve Been Looking For. It is centered around the Biblical story of Ruth and her mother-in-law, Naomi. Naomi’s 2 sons were named Mahlon which means “sickly” and Chilion which means “wasting away”. “It is time to take control of our lives, ladies, and guard our hearts so we do not grow sickly and waste away after enduring disappointment after disappointment.” I decided as I was divorcing, 2 years ago, that I would not date b/c my children deserved to have my undivided attention b/c they were hurt and suffering from the absence of their father in their daily life. 3 children, are you kidding?! How did I have time to shower myself much less go date?! Anyway, after about almost a year, I decided to date. That was last summer and OMGosh!!!!! It was a nightmare and maybe b/c I have high standards not to mention I want a man who loves my Jesus as much or more than I do. 3 men over a period of 3 months, 2 of them only got 1 date and the third was one of my good friends from high school. I did have a lot of fun with him but he definitely didn’t believe like I did about my God and His son. It was heart tugging to let him go but I told God that I wouldn’t compromise my beliefs for any man.
So I thought about my “new” blogspot topic and I did entertain a dating blog but…..I’m still laughing hang on, WHEW! Okay, see I start college classes in about 10 days and I don’t have time to date right now. And I’m not up for it right now. Sure, if a great guy came along, I’d give him my time and pray that he understands that I’m busy. I guess my take on dating after being married twice, one ending in his untimely death and the other ending in a type of spiritual death for me, is that if God wants to bless me with a wonderful person to be my companion….it will happen without my help. I know I have to be willing to be ‘out there’ (so to speak) to be in the ‘know’ but I don’t have to try so hard. I see women day after day, night after night tripping all over themselves just to be with a man. That is sooo not me and any of my friends reading this know about how much I put myself out there to be noticed. And noticed I get anyway without trying so…..(no I’m not bragging, it’s the truth).
Now, my BFF, Andrea aka Sunshine knows the deepest, darkest secrets of my heart. And she will tell you that I am crazy about a couple of people in my life. BUT….I’m learning to let go and let God with any person that has been in my past either for a while or briefly. Andrea won’t tell you who I’m crazy about and neither will she give you details of how I gush about anyone. A girl has to have something to dream about at night so yes I do like men. I just don’t see the need to put myself out there or fall all over myself to be noticed by my heart’s desire. The Lord will do what He has planned as long as I follow Him and His will for my life, even when that plan doesn’t have who I thought it might have in it. I will follow God’s lead.
So for a blog I’ve decided to follow another friend or acquaintance of mine. She has picked a number of ladies to pray for, for a month. And I’ve decided to do that and I’ve gotten several books from the library on the subject of prayer. The first one explores the topic of When God Doesn’t Answer Your Prayer, which is a book written by Jerry Sittser. With the 7 ladies I’ve picked to pray for I’m purchasing a $1 notebook to write in and it will be filled with my prayers to God, letters from me to them, and answers from God through me to them. My BFF is one of my 7 and my mother is another. I’ve made a list of what I’m specifically praying for each week starting August 24th. So I challenge my followers to pick a few people to pray for, for 30 days and see what happens. At the end of the 30 days time of prayer, I plan on fasting in prayer for them.
All this came to me yesterday when I asked God to change my heart toward prayer. My prayer time has become a little stale and I want it to be exciting and new. The word new doesn’t mean it replaces the old. Webster says that new is of recent origin, production, purchase, etc; having but lately come or been brought into being. Also of a kind now existing or appearing for the first time or now become known. So if you feel a little stuck in your prayer time or with your growth with God try prayer, a new approach to prayer might be what helps. I know I’m looking forward to offering up petitions on behalf of someone besides myself. I was getting a little bit selfish with my shallow “please gimme” prayers to God. I know God is gonna bless the 7 women I choose to lift up daily in prayer. And in the process I may find something I never knew was there the entire time.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Communication
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I've purchased a laptop and it should be delivered tomorrow. I apologize for not having a blog the last 2 days. I would wonder if anyone cares yet I know some do. I am amazed that I have a "following".
My mother and I saw Julie & Julia yesterday. The movie had a goal setting theme to it and the story was pretty good. I told my mom that I'm getting ready to change up my blogspot. I've got a few ideas but still praying about what I need to put up all over the Internet. I have a strange suspicion a few of my readers are only here to consider if I'm healthy or not. Without details, the past weekend in my hometown was rather disappointing except for the time I had with my grandmother which was great.
Soon I will have a blog that will wrap Down by the River up. I start classes in 11 days and my entries may be fewer. Though I told another friend of mine who is a writer, "If you are a true writer, you find time EVERY day to practice your art." And I love writing.
Today I was reading in Mark 4 about the parable of the sower. And in verses 11 and 12 Jesus told them, "The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables to that, 'they may be ever seeing but never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding; otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!'" My prayer is that God's Holy Spirit gives me the wisdom to know and understand His voice. And when I see what comes from above I will recognize God's hand upon it. I heard the expression that, "if you hear from God you are crazy." I tell people on a regular basis, "I'm crazy alright, I've got papers to prove it and medication to manage it." (My inside joke about the bipolar disorder I have - I laugh about it so I don't cry about it.)
Yes, I hear from my, excuse me, the Heavenly Father. If you don't, I ask if you are truly saved then what is in your life that is preventing the communication? I've been there before. With God's Spirit and grace I was able to find out what was blocking my communion with God and asked for forgiveness. God restores His children if only we will ask. I pray that you have that line of communication with our Heavenly Father and if not and you are saved, I beg you to make time to evaluate what in your life is keeping you from our Holy God.
I've purchased a laptop and it should be delivered tomorrow. I apologize for not having a blog the last 2 days. I would wonder if anyone cares yet I know some do. I am amazed that I have a "following".
My mother and I saw Julie & Julia yesterday. The movie had a goal setting theme to it and the story was pretty good. I told my mom that I'm getting ready to change up my blogspot. I've got a few ideas but still praying about what I need to put up all over the Internet. I have a strange suspicion a few of my readers are only here to consider if I'm healthy or not. Without details, the past weekend in my hometown was rather disappointing except for the time I had with my grandmother which was great.
Soon I will have a blog that will wrap Down by the River up. I start classes in 11 days and my entries may be fewer. Though I told another friend of mine who is a writer, "If you are a true writer, you find time EVERY day to practice your art." And I love writing.
Today I was reading in Mark 4 about the parable of the sower. And in verses 11 and 12 Jesus told them, "The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables to that, 'they may be ever seeing but never perceiving, and ever hearing but never understanding; otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!'" My prayer is that God's Holy Spirit gives me the wisdom to know and understand His voice. And when I see what comes from above I will recognize God's hand upon it. I heard the expression that, "if you hear from God you are crazy." I tell people on a regular basis, "I'm crazy alright, I've got papers to prove it and medication to manage it." (My inside joke about the bipolar disorder I have - I laugh about it so I don't cry about it.)
Yes, I hear from my, excuse me, the Heavenly Father. If you don't, I ask if you are truly saved then what is in your life that is preventing the communication? I've been there before. With God's Spirit and grace I was able to find out what was blocking my communion with God and asked for forgiveness. God restores His children if only we will ask. I pray that you have that line of communication with our Heavenly Father and if not and you are saved, I beg you to make time to evaluate what in your life is keeping you from our Holy God.
Monday, August 17, 2009
Voice of Truth
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The Christian song "Voice of Truth" could also be called I am God's Success Story. When society believes glamorous people all over the cover of magazins and politicians making headlines is success or that success is measured by the bottom line number of your bank account that society has bcome materialistic and shallowed minded. I'm sure you would agree with me that America has become both.
Jeremiah is one of my favorite prophts of the Bible. The society he lived in sounds so much like ours and he wanted them to understand God was the only person that they should seek to please. Jeremiah 17:5-10 from the NIV says, "This is what th Lord says: 'Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will b like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.' The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? 'I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.'"
Yesterday as my brother and me discuessed our world's measure of success he said, "Many people think that success is holding the wold in your hand. Success doesn't have to be the whole world. The little world you do hold is all that matters if it makes you happy and you love it, then you are successful."
The lyrics of "Voice of Truth" tell a story of a child of God being told he does not matter, he is a failure, and he is a loser. As a child of God we are victorious over all our adveristies if only we choose to believe the Voice of Truth.
Voice of Truth
"Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat and then onto the crashing waves. To step out of my comfort zoned to the relm of the unknown to where Jesus is and He's holding out His hand but the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me. Reminding me of all the times I tried befoe and failed. The waves keep on telling me time and time again, "Boy, you'll never win, you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story, the voice of truth says do not be afraid and the voice of truth says this is for my glory....."
This is the first verse and part of the chorus.....
The Christian song "Voice of Truth" could also be called I am God's Success Story. When society believes glamorous people all over the cover of magazins and politicians making headlines is success or that success is measured by the bottom line number of your bank account that society has bcome materialistic and shallowed minded. I'm sure you would agree with me that America has become both.
Jeremiah is one of my favorite prophts of the Bible. The society he lived in sounds so much like ours and he wanted them to understand God was the only person that they should seek to please. Jeremiah 17:5-10 from the NIV says, "This is what th Lord says: 'Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will b like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.' The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? 'I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.'"
Yesterday as my brother and me discuessed our world's measure of success he said, "Many people think that success is holding the wold in your hand. Success doesn't have to be the whole world. The little world you do hold is all that matters if it makes you happy and you love it, then you are successful."
The lyrics of "Voice of Truth" tell a story of a child of God being told he does not matter, he is a failure, and he is a loser. As a child of God we are victorious over all our adveristies if only we choose to believe the Voice of Truth.
Voice of Truth
"Oh what I would do to have the kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat and then onto the crashing waves. To step out of my comfort zoned to the relm of the unknown to where Jesus is and He's holding out His hand but the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me. Reminding me of all the times I tried befoe and failed. The waves keep on telling me time and time again, "Boy, you'll never win, you'll never win."
But the voice of truth tells me a different story, the voice of truth says do not be afraid and the voice of truth says this is for my glory....."
This is the first verse and part of the chorus.....
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Disappointment!
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
From time to time I blog on Sundays. On those days I'm finding a type of healing by taking my fingers across the keyboard. Today is no different. My brother introduced me to Pink Floyd's music when we were teenagers. I was more (still am) of a dance music, top 40, and contemporary Christian music listener. Pink Floyd had a song titled "Wish You Were Here" and it has been a song that my brother and me identify our relationship in many ways through the lyrics. I'm listening to the song right now, I had to put it in my MP3 player. I love my brother very much.
So today's topic, disappointment. I've found that disappointments always come in life. People will inevitably let you down. And you can't always have your way in life. Today as I dealt with, what I perceive in my mind, a huge disappointment I was reminded that God will help me to overcome the way I felt about the circumstance. I couldn't change it but I could change how I thought about it and I could definitely be patient to act, rather than react.
Last night or maybe it was early this morning when I got back from star gazing I came across Hebrews 13:5-6, verse 6 states "So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'" I do not stand in fear or disappointment of man for very long but I KNOW that God wants what is best for me and when I hurt, He hurts. I will continue to seek His face each morning and thank Him each night for a blessed day. Being in His will has changed the way I feel, act or react, and think about much of life's disappointments and joys. Brother Lammie Lammersfield says, "Get down under the water spout where the glory runs out."
I cried this afternoon over my disappointment but then I let the water of His fountain flow over my soul, cleanse and renew me then I felt better. Still hurt but knowing that God will runneth my cup over for being obedient to Him.
From time to time I blog on Sundays. On those days I'm finding a type of healing by taking my fingers across the keyboard. Today is no different. My brother introduced me to Pink Floyd's music when we were teenagers. I was more (still am) of a dance music, top 40, and contemporary Christian music listener. Pink Floyd had a song titled "Wish You Were Here" and it has been a song that my brother and me identify our relationship in many ways through the lyrics. I'm listening to the song right now, I had to put it in my MP3 player. I love my brother very much.
So today's topic, disappointment. I've found that disappointments always come in life. People will inevitably let you down. And you can't always have your way in life. Today as I dealt with, what I perceive in my mind, a huge disappointment I was reminded that God will help me to overcome the way I felt about the circumstance. I couldn't change it but I could change how I thought about it and I could definitely be patient to act, rather than react.
Last night or maybe it was early this morning when I got back from star gazing I came across Hebrews 13:5-6, verse 6 states "So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'" I do not stand in fear or disappointment of man for very long but I KNOW that God wants what is best for me and when I hurt, He hurts. I will continue to seek His face each morning and thank Him each night for a blessed day. Being in His will has changed the way I feel, act or react, and think about much of life's disappointments and joys. Brother Lammie Lammersfield says, "Get down under the water spout where the glory runs out."
I cried this afternoon over my disappointment but then I let the water of His fountain flow over my soul, cleanse and renew me then I felt better. Still hurt but knowing that God will runneth my cup over for being obedient to Him.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
God's Lap
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The Psalmist beautifully tells of the greatness of God and the lengths He goes to just to protect what is His. Psalm 48:14 "For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end."
My best friend Sunshine and me went for a drive early this morning. I can't sleep and it may be b/c the anesthesia today was amazing! We went to my favorite star gazing spot. I use to take my best friend from high school there and we'd sit for hours just talking. I've even taken some friends with me as we talked on the phone and saw shooting stars together. It's out past where I grew up on Wood hill and it is dark with no street lights or security lights to dim the night sky. The airport's water tower beacon flashes in the distance but it just puts a sort of nostalgia in the air as you gaze up at the millions of bright and some dimly lit balls of fire. I am amazed each time I look at how many stars there are that God put each one in place and named them! I want Him to tell me all their names when I get to heaven b/c what I'm about to share with you is one of the coolest things I do for myself.
There have been times in my life when the pain was too much and the crying would not stop and no one, not even a hug from the person who mattered most to me at the time, could heal what I was dealing with. It was in those moments (and it happened ALOT as a teenager) that I would picture crawling up into God's lap and just laying there in His arms. Never having to say a word or explain anything or tell Him how I felt. I knew that He already knew and He already had my solution wrapped up but I had to exhaust myself to understanding that He was all I needed. I could picture Him wiping my tears away from my face, telling me that He had something VERY special to show me, and then patiently giving me the time I needed to just let it all out and be done with it (it being the pain and crying).
Have you ever been so upset you could hardly breathe b/c you were crying so much? Snot probably hanging from your nose, I know that's gross but we have to paint the picture a little bit. Pain is nasty sometimes; it is tough to deal with the struggles and pain of this life! But I have always been so grateful to have a Savior and a heavenly Father who wants me to come to them when it hurts a little bit and when it hurts a whole lot! I picture myself smiling through all the tears and emotional as well as physical pain of my circumstance as Jesus hands me a tissue to blow my nose. I hug up to God a little closer and lay my head back down on His shoulder as He raises His right hand up.
He pats my back with His left hand and then gently rubs my back, this feels so comforting b/c touch is a human need. Mind you, I'm imagining this but it has comforted me more times than I can count. It is how I cope with my struggles and this is what He says about what He is holding in His right hand. "Sweetheart I know your pain is tremendous right now. I'm so glad you came to me to help you through it. Look here, I hold the universe right here in the palm of my hand. Take a closer look at your pain...see in a matter of God sized moments I can take it and make your world all over again. I have this 'lil problem' under control and I'm not going to allow anything to hurt my precious child. I know you believe me b/c you came to me. Billie Jean, you are precious to me and I made you special for a reason. Keep your eyes focused on my Son and I'm going to make this struggle a blessing one day, I promise. I love you. Now get some rest and you'll feel better when you wake up."
I have an excellent imagination BUT this is not my imagination b/c I would go to God this way with my 'problems' and heartaches and disappointments. He has never failed me when I've crawled up in His lap and cried. He has always stroked my back and helped comfort me with words similar to this. We have to stop making God small and realize how truly BIG He is! I challenge you to 'crawl up in God's lap' the next time a struggle has you in an emotional pit. God can love up and hug up on you better than any earthly affection.
The Psalmist beautifully tells of the greatness of God and the lengths He goes to just to protect what is His. Psalm 48:14 "For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end."
My best friend Sunshine and me went for a drive early this morning. I can't sleep and it may be b/c the anesthesia today was amazing! We went to my favorite star gazing spot. I use to take my best friend from high school there and we'd sit for hours just talking. I've even taken some friends with me as we talked on the phone and saw shooting stars together. It's out past where I grew up on Wood hill and it is dark with no street lights or security lights to dim the night sky. The airport's water tower beacon flashes in the distance but it just puts a sort of nostalgia in the air as you gaze up at the millions of bright and some dimly lit balls of fire. I am amazed each time I look at how many stars there are that God put each one in place and named them! I want Him to tell me all their names when I get to heaven b/c what I'm about to share with you is one of the coolest things I do for myself.
There have been times in my life when the pain was too much and the crying would not stop and no one, not even a hug from the person who mattered most to me at the time, could heal what I was dealing with. It was in those moments (and it happened ALOT as a teenager) that I would picture crawling up into God's lap and just laying there in His arms. Never having to say a word or explain anything or tell Him how I felt. I knew that He already knew and He already had my solution wrapped up but I had to exhaust myself to understanding that He was all I needed. I could picture Him wiping my tears away from my face, telling me that He had something VERY special to show me, and then patiently giving me the time I needed to just let it all out and be done with it (it being the pain and crying).
Have you ever been so upset you could hardly breathe b/c you were crying so much? Snot probably hanging from your nose, I know that's gross but we have to paint the picture a little bit. Pain is nasty sometimes; it is tough to deal with the struggles and pain of this life! But I have always been so grateful to have a Savior and a heavenly Father who wants me to come to them when it hurts a little bit and when it hurts a whole lot! I picture myself smiling through all the tears and emotional as well as physical pain of my circumstance as Jesus hands me a tissue to blow my nose. I hug up to God a little closer and lay my head back down on His shoulder as He raises His right hand up.
He pats my back with His left hand and then gently rubs my back, this feels so comforting b/c touch is a human need. Mind you, I'm imagining this but it has comforted me more times than I can count. It is how I cope with my struggles and this is what He says about what He is holding in His right hand. "Sweetheart I know your pain is tremendous right now. I'm so glad you came to me to help you through it. Look here, I hold the universe right here in the palm of my hand. Take a closer look at your pain...see in a matter of God sized moments I can take it and make your world all over again. I have this 'lil problem' under control and I'm not going to allow anything to hurt my precious child. I know you believe me b/c you came to me. Billie Jean, you are precious to me and I made you special for a reason. Keep your eyes focused on my Son and I'm going to make this struggle a blessing one day, I promise. I love you. Now get some rest and you'll feel better when you wake up."
I have an excellent imagination BUT this is not my imagination b/c I would go to God this way with my 'problems' and heartaches and disappointments. He has never failed me when I've crawled up in His lap and cried. He has always stroked my back and helped comfort me with words similar to this. We have to stop making God small and realize how truly BIG He is! I challenge you to 'crawl up in God's lap' the next time a struggle has you in an emotional pit. God can love up and hug up on you better than any earthly affection.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Love Letter from God
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I'll admit when I'm lazy and just don't feel like writing so I'm taking a few pages from Max Lucado's Come Thirsty. Here is a letter that if God wrote you might read like this:
"Dear child of mine,
Are you thirsty? Come and drink. I am one who comforts you. I bought you and complete you. I delight in you and claim you as my own, rejoicing over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride. I will never fail you or forsake you.
ACCEPT MY WORK
I know your manifold transgressions and your mighty sins, yet my grace is sufficient for you. I have cast all your sins behind my back, trampled them under my feet, and thrown them into the depths of the ocean! Your sins have been washed away, swept away like the morning mists, scattered like the clouds. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free. Your death is swallowed up in victory. I disarmed the evil rulers and authorities and broke the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Blessed are those who die in the Lord. Your citizenship is in heaven. Come, inherit the kingdom prepared for you where I will remove all of your sorrows, and there will be no more death or sadness or crying or pain.
RELY ON MY ENERGY
You are worried and troubled about many things; trust me with all your heart. I know how to rescue godly people from their trials. My Spirit helps you in your distress. Let me strengthen you with my glorious power. I did not spare my Son but gave him up for you. Won't I give you everything else? March on, dear soul, with courage! Never give up. I will help you. I will uphold you.
TRUST MY LORDSHIP
Trust in me always. I am the eternal Rock, your Shepherd, the Guardian of your soul. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
So, don't worry. I never tire or sleep. I stand beside you. The angle of the Lord encamps around you. I hide you in the shelter of my presence. I will go ahead of you, directing your steps and delighting in every detail of your life. If you stumble, you will not fall, for I hold you by the hand. I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
Wars will break out near and far, but don't panic. I have overcome the world. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. I surround you with a shield of love.
I will make you fruitful in the land of suffering, trading beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for despair. I live with the low spirited and spirit crushed. I put new spirit in you and get you on your feet again. Weeping may go on all night, but joy comes with the morning. If I am for you, who can ever be against you?
RECEIVE MY LOVE
I throw my arms around you, lavish attention on you, and guard you as the apple of my eye. I rejoice over you with great gladness. My thoughts of you cannot be counted; they outnumber the grains of sand! Nothing can ever separate you from my love. Death can't and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Your fears for today, your worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep my love away.
You sometimes say, "The Lord has deserted me; the Lord has forgotten me." But can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for a child she has borne? Even if that were possible, I would not forget you! I paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ, my sinless, spotless Lamb. No one will snatch you away from me. See, I have written your name on my hand. I call you my friend. Why, the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are valuable to me.
Give me your burdens; I will take care of you. I know how weak you are, that you are made of dust. Give all your worries and cares to me, because I care about what happens to you.
Remember, I am at hand. Come to me when you are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. I delight in you, and I can be trusted to keep my promises. Come and drink the water of life.
Your Maker, your Father,
God"
What comfort I take in reading such a love letter from my Heavenly Father who truly cares about me and loves me unconditionally!
I'll admit when I'm lazy and just don't feel like writing so I'm taking a few pages from Max Lucado's Come Thirsty. Here is a letter that if God wrote you might read like this:
"Dear child of mine,
Are you thirsty? Come and drink. I am one who comforts you. I bought you and complete you. I delight in you and claim you as my own, rejoicing over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride. I will never fail you or forsake you.
ACCEPT MY WORK
I know your manifold transgressions and your mighty sins, yet my grace is sufficient for you. I have cast all your sins behind my back, trampled them under my feet, and thrown them into the depths of the ocean! Your sins have been washed away, swept away like the morning mists, scattered like the clouds. Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free. Your death is swallowed up in victory. I disarmed the evil rulers and authorities and broke the power of the devil, who had the power of death. Blessed are those who die in the Lord. Your citizenship is in heaven. Come, inherit the kingdom prepared for you where I will remove all of your sorrows, and there will be no more death or sadness or crying or pain.
RELY ON MY ENERGY
You are worried and troubled about many things; trust me with all your heart. I know how to rescue godly people from their trials. My Spirit helps you in your distress. Let me strengthen you with my glorious power. I did not spare my Son but gave him up for you. Won't I give you everything else? March on, dear soul, with courage! Never give up. I will help you. I will uphold you.
TRUST MY LORDSHIP
Trust in me always. I am the eternal Rock, your Shepherd, the Guardian of your soul. When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown! When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.
So, don't worry. I never tire or sleep. I stand beside you. The angle of the Lord encamps around you. I hide you in the shelter of my presence. I will go ahead of you, directing your steps and delighting in every detail of your life. If you stumble, you will not fall, for I hold you by the hand. I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
Wars will break out near and far, but don't panic. I have overcome the world. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. I surround you with a shield of love.
I will make you fruitful in the land of suffering, trading beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for despair. I live with the low spirited and spirit crushed. I put new spirit in you and get you on your feet again. Weeping may go on all night, but joy comes with the morning. If I am for you, who can ever be against you?
RECEIVE MY LOVE
I throw my arms around you, lavish attention on you, and guard you as the apple of my eye. I rejoice over you with great gladness. My thoughts of you cannot be counted; they outnumber the grains of sand! Nothing can ever separate you from my love. Death can't and life can't. The angels can't, and the demons can't. Your fears for today, your worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep my love away.
You sometimes say, "The Lord has deserted me; the Lord has forgotten me." But can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for a child she has borne? Even if that were possible, I would not forget you! I paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ, my sinless, spotless Lamb. No one will snatch you away from me. See, I have written your name on my hand. I call you my friend. Why, the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are valuable to me.
Give me your burdens; I will take care of you. I know how weak you are, that you are made of dust. Give all your worries and cares to me, because I care about what happens to you.
Remember, I am at hand. Come to me when you are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. I delight in you, and I can be trusted to keep my promises. Come and drink the water of life.
Your Maker, your Father,
God"
What comfort I take in reading such a love letter from my Heavenly Father who truly cares about me and loves me unconditionally!
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Do You have FAITH?
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Romans 4:18-22
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead - since he was about a hundred years old - and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness."
These verses are beautiful b/c it is a picture of complete faith in God. Do you sometimes find yourself questioning the One who will put all your dreams into place? I have, even just last season but I've learned to quit doubting and trust Him.
I'm so excited about the call God has placed on my life. When God places a burden on your heart since being saved as a teenager and you wait so many years to finally start toward that path, it is EXCITING!
Right now I am researching training opportunities concerning the Islamic faith. Did you know that there are about 1 billion Islamic followers worldwide? And many are w/in the borders of our country. There is only 1 missionary to every million Islamic followers. The website I took this research from made a comment that it "seems as if the Great Commission didn't apply to the Islamic followers".
I was called as a 14YO teenager to FOREIGN missions, not home missions. I long to go to the middle east much the way Paul in the New Testament longed to reach Rome w/ the gospel of Jesus Christ. I was 28YO w/ 3 children before I realized the people group God was calling me to be a missionary.
My plan is to finish my bachelor's degree in communications/public relations. Then obtain a Masters of Missiology from Mid-America Baptist Theological Seminary here in Memphis. I'm also checking into schools that offer Master degrees in Muslim studies. During my education years I want to take short trips overseas to get first hand experience on the mission field. My plan, that has happened w/ much prayer and will require my study of Muslims and their faith, is to take my first trip next summer.
My mother's support in what God has placed on my life is trememdous. In 2003 I was called to a Volunteer in Missions trip and many in my family talked me out of going. I had small children but I knew God was going to keep me safe in the war torn country. He had planned to send me to help w/ food distribution. And if I didn't come home, God's plan is always better than ours. I will no longer allow other people to keep me from God's best.
Have faith especially when what God has planned seems impossible. That's when you know the only way it could EVER happen is if it is God's plan, He will make it reality.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for You," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Romans 4:18-22
Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead - since he was about a hundred years old - and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness."
These verses are beautiful b/c it is a picture of complete faith in God. Do you sometimes find yourself questioning the One who will put all your dreams into place? I have, even just last season but I've learned to quit doubting and trust Him.
I'm so excited about the call God has placed on my life. When God places a burden on your heart since being saved as a teenager and you wait so many years to finally start toward that path, it is EXCITING!
Right now I am researching training opportunities concerning the Islamic faith. Did you know that there are about 1 billion Islamic followers worldwide? And many are w/in the borders of our country. There is only 1 missionary to every million Islamic followers. The website I took this research from made a comment that it "seems as if the Great Commission didn't apply to the Islamic followers".
I was called as a 14YO teenager to FOREIGN missions, not home missions. I long to go to the middle east much the way Paul in the New Testament longed to reach Rome w/ the gospel of Jesus Christ. I was 28YO w/ 3 children before I realized the people group God was calling me to be a missionary.
My plan is to finish my bachelor's degree in communications/public relations. Then obtain a Masters of Missiology from Mid-America Baptist Theological Seminary here in Memphis. I'm also checking into schools that offer Master degrees in Muslim studies. During my education years I want to take short trips overseas to get first hand experience on the mission field. My plan, that has happened w/ much prayer and will require my study of Muslims and their faith, is to take my first trip next summer.
My mother's support in what God has placed on my life is trememdous. In 2003 I was called to a Volunteer in Missions trip and many in my family talked me out of going. I had small children but I knew God was going to keep me safe in the war torn country. He had planned to send me to help w/ food distribution. And if I didn't come home, God's plan is always better than ours. I will no longer allow other people to keep me from God's best.
Have faith especially when what God has planned seems impossible. That's when you know the only way it could EVER happen is if it is God's plan, He will make it reality.
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for You," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Motherhood, taken from English Archives
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
My mother had a point when she said I shouldn't 'recycle' my material from English class. Then I reminded her the only audience that has seen this stuff was an English professor. This way I won't 'recycle' material for another class, which I'm finished with my core English classes so....this one was written for Dr. James Scruton of Bethel University but was then called Bethel College in 1998.
Being a Mother
Childbirth starts the beginning of a whole new world for expectant moms. My husband and I wanted to do it right. We enrolled in childbirth classes, hoping it could prepare us for what lay ahead. They only prepare you for delivery but nothing more.
"It is amazing how much we know about parenting before we have children and how little we know once we become parents ourselves" (Weinhaus and Friedman, 3). There are many parenting books out on the market, but none help prepare you for what is in store for you. Nothing does, only experience.
I was blessed with a beautiful daughter, Hannah Ellen. Lamaze helped us with childbirth. But then came the hard part. Sleepless nights of feedings, dirty diapers, and colic. And another common problem with children under the age of six months was being sick and what their symptoms were. They cannot tell you what was wrong. Ear infections always became a pain with Hannah. She stayed up all night crying because of the pain in her ears.
Next with a new child came walking and potty training. She hit this stage with the terrible two's. At this point I was trying to teach her right from wrong but she knew how to push those buttons. First she came home from daycare with teeth marks on her arm. She even came home one day with marks of biting on her FACE! I did not know how to handle this in a rational way. My father wanted her to hit the little boy the next time he bit her. I did not like this idea at all. We got a note about Hannah hitting a little boy at daycare. He had bitten her again. ......
The next stage in a child's life came the inquisitive three year old. She had grown a little more and wanted to understand the world around her. Just last night she asked "Why does popcorn make that popping sound?" Try answering that one. I felt I was getting an education raising my three year old. I guess every parent would get an education on raising children. She also asked questions about ........
I have only experienced being a mother up to this point, three year old. I am anxious and scared to know what lies ahead as a mother. I only hope that I am the best mother my child will have. She means everything to me. Because I am a single mother now, it makes me more aware of how important I have to be for her. (Hannah's father, Keith died in an accident on December 18, 1996)
"I've gone through a major transition, discovered new sides of myself, and the result has been the gradual emergence of a new self-image" (Frieland and Kort, 103). This could describe motherhood. I have had to adjust to many different sides of my life since I have become a mother. My identity has been joined with another human being. I am not only Billie Jean but also Hannah's mother. This new name will always be a part of me. Hannah will always be a part of me.
Motherhood is a profession that came with no instructions. I believe it is the most wonderful role, better than any reward or position like President of the United States or Miss America. God has blessed me with a great child and I have tried to be a good mother.
Erma Bombeck puts motherhood like this "it never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience" (2). Any woman can have a child but it takes lots of patience and love to become a mother. It does not matter who we are, women have been given the greatest gift of all - motherhood. We should thank God every day for the precious child or children we have.
Whenever I see my child I hear a child playing and talking. I hear my three year old asking "why?" every other question. I feel her tiny little hands wrap around my finger. And I taste the apple juice on her lips as she kisses me. I would not trade any amount of money or any worldly possession for what I have as a mother. Because when the day is done and we go to sleep I cannot wait to hear her little voice say "Mommy, I love you."
Motherhood is not for the weak hearted. Being a mother is a full time job. I may get help from grandparents and friends but I still have to have a mind of a mom constantly. The decisions I make effect my child as much as it does me.
Being a mother has been very rewarding as well as challenging. I learn something new every day and the fun never stops. Going to the park, watching Barney videos, and visiting friends and relatives are a few of the great adventures Hannah and I have every day. I have been blessed and thank God every day for such a wonderful child. Being a mother is one of my favorite accomplishments.
**This was written in the fall of 1998, Bryce and Celeste were yet to be born. I feel blessed 3 times over now with their births into my life. God truly made me great when He made me a mother.
My mother had a point when she said I shouldn't 'recycle' my material from English class. Then I reminded her the only audience that has seen this stuff was an English professor. This way I won't 'recycle' material for another class, which I'm finished with my core English classes so....this one was written for Dr. James Scruton of Bethel University but was then called Bethel College in 1998.
Being a Mother
Childbirth starts the beginning of a whole new world for expectant moms. My husband and I wanted to do it right. We enrolled in childbirth classes, hoping it could prepare us for what lay ahead. They only prepare you for delivery but nothing more.
"It is amazing how much we know about parenting before we have children and how little we know once we become parents ourselves" (Weinhaus and Friedman, 3). There are many parenting books out on the market, but none help prepare you for what is in store for you. Nothing does, only experience.
I was blessed with a beautiful daughter, Hannah Ellen. Lamaze helped us with childbirth. But then came the hard part. Sleepless nights of feedings, dirty diapers, and colic. And another common problem with children under the age of six months was being sick and what their symptoms were. They cannot tell you what was wrong. Ear infections always became a pain with Hannah. She stayed up all night crying because of the pain in her ears.
Next with a new child came walking and potty training. She hit this stage with the terrible two's. At this point I was trying to teach her right from wrong but she knew how to push those buttons. First she came home from daycare with teeth marks on her arm. She even came home one day with marks of biting on her FACE! I did not know how to handle this in a rational way. My father wanted her to hit the little boy the next time he bit her. I did not like this idea at all. We got a note about Hannah hitting a little boy at daycare. He had bitten her again. ......
The next stage in a child's life came the inquisitive three year old. She had grown a little more and wanted to understand the world around her. Just last night she asked "Why does popcorn make that popping sound?" Try answering that one. I felt I was getting an education raising my three year old. I guess every parent would get an education on raising children. She also asked questions about ........
I have only experienced being a mother up to this point, three year old. I am anxious and scared to know what lies ahead as a mother. I only hope that I am the best mother my child will have. She means everything to me. Because I am a single mother now, it makes me more aware of how important I have to be for her. (Hannah's father, Keith died in an accident on December 18, 1996)
"I've gone through a major transition, discovered new sides of myself, and the result has been the gradual emergence of a new self-image" (Frieland and Kort, 103). This could describe motherhood. I have had to adjust to many different sides of my life since I have become a mother. My identity has been joined with another human being. I am not only Billie Jean but also Hannah's mother. This new name will always be a part of me. Hannah will always be a part of me.
Motherhood is a profession that came with no instructions. I believe it is the most wonderful role, better than any reward or position like President of the United States or Miss America. God has blessed me with a great child and I have tried to be a good mother.
Erma Bombeck puts motherhood like this "it never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience" (2). Any woman can have a child but it takes lots of patience and love to become a mother. It does not matter who we are, women have been given the greatest gift of all - motherhood. We should thank God every day for the precious child or children we have.
Whenever I see my child I hear a child playing and talking. I hear my three year old asking "why?" every other question. I feel her tiny little hands wrap around my finger. And I taste the apple juice on her lips as she kisses me. I would not trade any amount of money or any worldly possession for what I have as a mother. Because when the day is done and we go to sleep I cannot wait to hear her little voice say "Mommy, I love you."
Motherhood is not for the weak hearted. Being a mother is a full time job. I may get help from grandparents and friends but I still have to have a mind of a mom constantly. The decisions I make effect my child as much as it does me.
Being a mother has been very rewarding as well as challenging. I learn something new every day and the fun never stops. Going to the park, watching Barney videos, and visiting friends and relatives are a few of the great adventures Hannah and I have every day. I have been blessed and thank God every day for such a wonderful child. Being a mother is one of my favorite accomplishments.
**This was written in the fall of 1998, Bryce and Celeste were yet to be born. I feel blessed 3 times over now with their births into my life. God truly made me great when He made me a mother.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Who Wants to Join the Preservation Society?
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I think I may be getting "on my soapbox" today. So I warned you ahead of time and you can bail out right now. If my rantings become too much for some of my readers - I will NOT apologize for it. I've told you all that I'm brutally honest or as I've recently found out "honest to a fault". What a compliment to have though. At least you won't catch me lying to you. Anyway back to my topic...
Who wants to join the Christian Preservation Society? This one isn't about keeping anything pretty either. I'm being sarcastic! And this time it isn't funny.
Yesterday I had the privilege of hearing Dr Wade Akins and got to personally meet him and pray with him. He has been a missionary for 26 years in Vietnam and Brazil, traveled to over 59 countries worldwide preaching & teaching nationals in evangelism & church planting. In the morning service yesterday he shared Acts 1:7-8,"He said to them: 'It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth'." Dr.Akins pointed out that this was Jesus Christ's last words ever spoken. I did not know that Jesus' final words were about missions! MISSIONS! I get upset b/c I've had road blocks in my life keep me from what God has called me to and they weren't my children.
I would tell the story of how I wanted to do a Volunteer in Missions trip in 2003 but I'll save the boring details. I will be able to do that trip again b/c I didn't get to then. God knows my heart and He knows that I've been called by Him since I was 14 to the foreign mission field. I will do what my Father in heaven has commanded I do. I can't wait to show the Muslim people of the middle east the love of my Savior, Jesus Christ.
Luke 9:23, "Then he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." He didn't say follow me when things are good. He said, "FOLLOW ME". I loved the question Dr.Akins asked,"Have you come to a point in your life where you have surrendered everything?" He said in the evening service about a deceased IMB Philippine missionary, "Bill was the real hero b/c he said,'I'm willing to take up my cross and die if I need to." See Jesus paid the ultimate price for dying on the cross, His cross, as payment for the world's sins. Then after my acceptance of Jesus as my Lord and He saved me there is a cross for me to die on, one of spirituality, self, and physically if I have to.
It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every man;
the living should take this to heart.
Ecclesiastes 7:2
I'm not suggesting or promoting anything morbid. I guess I see evidence of selfishness every day. Even in my own heart which I've asked God to keep me from being a selfish person. In 2 Timothy 3:2-9 the Bible talks about such wickedness in people. I'm warning you now, God's Word is powerful. "People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God - having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth - men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone."
Be very careful how much you hope to preserve this life. God has a beautiful plan for your life if only you would DIE TO SELF and give Him complete control of your whole life.
Isaiah 43:2 is picture of how it feels to glorify God in life and to glorify Him in death. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
I think I may be getting "on my soapbox" today. So I warned you ahead of time and you can bail out right now. If my rantings become too much for some of my readers - I will NOT apologize for it. I've told you all that I'm brutally honest or as I've recently found out "honest to a fault". What a compliment to have though. At least you won't catch me lying to you. Anyway back to my topic...
Who wants to join the Christian Preservation Society? This one isn't about keeping anything pretty either. I'm being sarcastic! And this time it isn't funny.
Yesterday I had the privilege of hearing Dr Wade Akins and got to personally meet him and pray with him. He has been a missionary for 26 years in Vietnam and Brazil, traveled to over 59 countries worldwide preaching & teaching nationals in evangelism & church planting. In the morning service yesterday he shared Acts 1:7-8,"He said to them: 'It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth'." Dr.Akins pointed out that this was Jesus Christ's last words ever spoken. I did not know that Jesus' final words were about missions! MISSIONS! I get upset b/c I've had road blocks in my life keep me from what God has called me to and they weren't my children.
I would tell the story of how I wanted to do a Volunteer in Missions trip in 2003 but I'll save the boring details. I will be able to do that trip again b/c I didn't get to then. God knows my heart and He knows that I've been called by Him since I was 14 to the foreign mission field. I will do what my Father in heaven has commanded I do. I can't wait to show the Muslim people of the middle east the love of my Savior, Jesus Christ.
Luke 9:23, "Then he said to them all: 'If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." He didn't say follow me when things are good. He said, "FOLLOW ME". I loved the question Dr.Akins asked,"Have you come to a point in your life where you have surrendered everything?" He said in the evening service about a deceased IMB Philippine missionary, "Bill was the real hero b/c he said,'I'm willing to take up my cross and die if I need to." See Jesus paid the ultimate price for dying on the cross, His cross, as payment for the world's sins. Then after my acceptance of Jesus as my Lord and He saved me there is a cross for me to die on, one of spirituality, self, and physically if I have to.
It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every man;
the living should take this to heart.
Ecclesiastes 7:2
I'm not suggesting or promoting anything morbid. I guess I see evidence of selfishness every day. Even in my own heart which I've asked God to keep me from being a selfish person. In 2 Timothy 3:2-9 the Bible talks about such wickedness in people. I'm warning you now, God's Word is powerful. "People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God - having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them. They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so also these men oppose the truth - men of depraved minds, who, as far as the faith is concerned, are rejected. But they will not get very far because, as in the case of those men, their folly will be clear to everyone."
Be very careful how much you hope to preserve this life. God has a beautiful plan for your life if only you would DIE TO SELF and give Him complete control of your whole life.
Isaiah 43:2 is picture of how it feels to glorify God in life and to glorify Him in death. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Friendships that Always Last
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I'm old enough to know how time can cause you to lose touch with old friends. I remember when my high school graduation came around so many wise adults told us that these memories will be nice but the ones to come make these pale in comparison. That is a true statement, according to my memories. I hear the hypothetical question asked, 'would you go back to such and such age in your life?' Why would you want to? Time waits for no one and time is truly one thing you can't get back.
As I realized one of my closest and dearest friends from my past is expecting a baby, like in the next 2 months I was so shocked. Where have I been? How did I miss the fact that she is pregnant!?! It hurt for a moment and then I remembered that I was suppose to go visit her last fall about the time the 'bottom fell out' of my personal life. It doesn't excuse the fact that I never really kept in contact with her b/c she had a personal tragedy in her life too. I had to take a step back and realize life is NOTHING about me and EVERYTHING to do with others.
Friends come and go in our lives but if the lasting friendships we've made over the years are rooted in God's love then the relationship makes it through the waxing and waning moments we call life. "A friend loves at all times...." Proverbs 17:17
I'm old enough to know how time can cause you to lose touch with old friends. I remember when my high school graduation came around so many wise adults told us that these memories will be nice but the ones to come make these pale in comparison. That is a true statement, according to my memories. I hear the hypothetical question asked, 'would you go back to such and such age in your life?' Why would you want to? Time waits for no one and time is truly one thing you can't get back.
As I realized one of my closest and dearest friends from my past is expecting a baby, like in the next 2 months I was so shocked. Where have I been? How did I miss the fact that she is pregnant!?! It hurt for a moment and then I remembered that I was suppose to go visit her last fall about the time the 'bottom fell out' of my personal life. It doesn't excuse the fact that I never really kept in contact with her b/c she had a personal tragedy in her life too. I had to take a step back and realize life is NOTHING about me and EVERYTHING to do with others.
Friends come and go in our lives but if the lasting friendships we've made over the years are rooted in God's love then the relationship makes it through the waxing and waning moments we call life. "A friend loves at all times...." Proverbs 17:17
Friday, August 7, 2009
Taking a Test! I Know I Can Pass.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I've had to deal with a 'test' of my will the last 2 days. I'm late for my running date I made with 2 friends. And I want to learn how to run b/c my doctor has advised me to 'vamp' up my walking routine to running. I know you should just be able to pick up your feet and run but I've got lots of friends who do run on a daily basis and there is a rhythm to it. So one of my friends is suppose to help me out tonight and teach me how to do the breathing.
I know I can pass this test b/c I told a couple of other friends of mine today that once God sets you on a path and you can see the goodness of what He wants to bless you with, you remember all the other times you choose to go YOUR way and how much heartache that caused you. I never want to go down that road again. So when faced with temptation always realize God will never allow temptation beyond what you can handle. And He ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS provides a way out.
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." 1 Corinthians 10:13
I've had to deal with a 'test' of my will the last 2 days. I'm late for my running date I made with 2 friends. And I want to learn how to run b/c my doctor has advised me to 'vamp' up my walking routine to running. I know you should just be able to pick up your feet and run but I've got lots of friends who do run on a daily basis and there is a rhythm to it. So one of my friends is suppose to help me out tonight and teach me how to do the breathing.
I know I can pass this test b/c I told a couple of other friends of mine today that once God sets you on a path and you can see the goodness of what He wants to bless you with, you remember all the other times you choose to go YOUR way and how much heartache that caused you. I never want to go down that road again. So when faced with temptation always realize God will never allow temptation beyond what you can handle. And He ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS provides a way out.
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." 1 Corinthians 10:13
Thursday, August 6, 2009
You've got personality!
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I've been in sales most of my working life. Started out in a resturant where my grandfather taught me about people and how to treat them. "The customer is always right. We do everything we can to make their experience exactly the way they want it, but they don't have to run over you for you to make them happy, ok?" I learned many of my personality traits over the years based on the lessons my grandfather taught me about people and business. I am a very dominate personality type if you haven't already figured that out. I know my friends are screaming "what an understatement, Billie Jean!" But most people who know me know that being the first born grandchild and daughter has molded me into a very bossy person. I do not apologize for my personality but I do know that each of us have different personalities. That is what I was always told 'made the world go round' so to speak.
In my sales experience I was trained on personality types. We also learned about them in high school in a program called 'True Colors' and my son did the program last year in the third grade. We are constantly being taught that we have to adapt to each other in order for our world to be lived in, in harmony. I agree with getting along but I also know that we are to stand up for what we believe in also and not allow others to run over us with their beliefs and ideals about certain 'stuff'. I'm not going to get on my soapbox b/c frankly I'm just exhausted today. I had an emotional time today in my personal life and I'm just glad Jesus is my best friend. He was there to comfort me when I didn't want to take my phone out and 'blab' to everyone about my problem or the situation that seemed to be a 'problem'. Is Jesus that for you? Think about who you run to when the bottom falls out of your life boat? Who and what do you turn to? I hope it is my friend, Jesus Christ.
Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
I've been in sales most of my working life. Started out in a resturant where my grandfather taught me about people and how to treat them. "The customer is always right. We do everything we can to make their experience exactly the way they want it, but they don't have to run over you for you to make them happy, ok?" I learned many of my personality traits over the years based on the lessons my grandfather taught me about people and business. I am a very dominate personality type if you haven't already figured that out. I know my friends are screaming "what an understatement, Billie Jean!" But most people who know me know that being the first born grandchild and daughter has molded me into a very bossy person. I do not apologize for my personality but I do know that each of us have different personalities. That is what I was always told 'made the world go round' so to speak.
In my sales experience I was trained on personality types. We also learned about them in high school in a program called 'True Colors' and my son did the program last year in the third grade. We are constantly being taught that we have to adapt to each other in order for our world to be lived in, in harmony. I agree with getting along but I also know that we are to stand up for what we believe in also and not allow others to run over us with their beliefs and ideals about certain 'stuff'. I'm not going to get on my soapbox b/c frankly I'm just exhausted today. I had an emotional time today in my personal life and I'm just glad Jesus is my best friend. He was there to comfort me when I didn't want to take my phone out and 'blab' to everyone about my problem or the situation that seemed to be a 'problem'. Is Jesus that for you? Think about who you run to when the bottom falls out of your life boat? Who and what do you turn to? I hope it is my friend, Jesus Christ.
Proverbs 18:24 "A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
My Alma Mater
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Today's writing comes from a college english class I took in 1998 at Bethel College. We were asked to write about a memorable moment in our life, an event that took place and I choose to write about football homecoming of my senior year in high school.
Homecoming for McKenzie High School is a special time of year. I remember my senior year, when football Homecoming week was a great time for everyone. The trees started to change to autumn colors and the weather began to cool off. You could hear the whistle of the referee for the football game to begin.
Homecoming week started with dress up days. There was hippie day, twin day, and hillbilly day. Students participated in order to collect points for their class. Friday was red and gray day, the school colors. Classes were let out at 9 o'clock on Friday for the talent show. Friends of mine in the senior class did a dance; we won third place. After the talent show we had box lunches outside and decorated vehicles for the parade. The parade would go around town and ended at the high school where we had a pep rally outside.
Homecoming has other traditions that are followed. The dress up days gave me a sense of being part of a group by collecting points for your class to win. The students would wear their dress up clothes all day, which made the activity fun. The halls were noisy with students talking about who was going to win that day's event.
My girlfriends and I made up a dance for the talent show. We worked on the moves for a couple of weeks every night. Our outfits were blue jean shorts and baseball jerseys. The dance was a blast and it brought a sense of togetherness for each of us.
Box lunches always seemed to be like a picnic. We took our lunches outside to eat them. Hamburgers, french fries, and all the trimmings topped off with a delicious peanut butter cookie. Students ate everywhere outside the school, the parking lot, cars, and the grassy area just behind Rebel field.
The cars being put in the parade parked in the grassy area behind Rebel field. Participants decorated with balloons, streamers, and shoe polish on windows. The art club always had the prettiest vehicle. The Homecoming court rode in a convertible in the front of the parade. The next vehicles were full of anxious, rowdy, young football players. They were fired up and ready to beat their opponents in a few short hours. The parade started at school and went around in front of the elementary and junior high schools where children with Rebel spirit clapped and waved with enthusiasm. They were looking forward to one day getting to do the same parade. After that the parade proceeded to downtown McKenzie where the local merchants came out to show their Rebel support. Next the parade headed back to the high school where everyone went for the home side bleachers of Rebel field.
The pep rally was so much fun because it was the only one all year held outside. The cheerleaders would lead the crowd in chants and cheers to get the whole school fired up to support the football team. After the pep rally school was dismissed and local florists would set up in the lobby for students to pick up their mums, for the girls to wear to the game and dance.
Pre-game activities started at 6 o'clock that evening. The crowing of Homecoming Queen was the pre-game highlight. I was so excited when my best friend, Heather Oakley, was crowned Homecoming Queen! The cheerleaders gave the Homecoming court their roses. Then the MHS Marching Band, cheerleaders, and Rebel fans would make a tunnel for the football team to run onto the field and the game started.
I cannot really remember who we played that senior year night but I do remember that we won; because those football players were very victorious. They rallied on the field for at least twenty to thirty minutes. The night was capped off with a dance. Many of the students had a memorable day and evening.
My alma mater means a great deal to me. I am proud of where I stomped my feet during high school. Homecoming has always been one of my highlight events. Being Student Council President I was very involved with the planning of the day's events. Being able to see everything go as planned put a big satisfying smile on my face.
"On McKenzie's northern border reared against the sky, proudly stand our alma mater as the years go by." I will always be proud of where I came from - McKenzie High School.
Today's writing comes from a college english class I took in 1998 at Bethel College. We were asked to write about a memorable moment in our life, an event that took place and I choose to write about football homecoming of my senior year in high school.
Homecoming for McKenzie High School is a special time of year. I remember my senior year, when football Homecoming week was a great time for everyone. The trees started to change to autumn colors and the weather began to cool off. You could hear the whistle of the referee for the football game to begin.
Homecoming week started with dress up days. There was hippie day, twin day, and hillbilly day. Students participated in order to collect points for their class. Friday was red and gray day, the school colors. Classes were let out at 9 o'clock on Friday for the talent show. Friends of mine in the senior class did a dance; we won third place. After the talent show we had box lunches outside and decorated vehicles for the parade. The parade would go around town and ended at the high school where we had a pep rally outside.
Homecoming has other traditions that are followed. The dress up days gave me a sense of being part of a group by collecting points for your class to win. The students would wear their dress up clothes all day, which made the activity fun. The halls were noisy with students talking about who was going to win that day's event.
My girlfriends and I made up a dance for the talent show. We worked on the moves for a couple of weeks every night. Our outfits were blue jean shorts and baseball jerseys. The dance was a blast and it brought a sense of togetherness for each of us.
Box lunches always seemed to be like a picnic. We took our lunches outside to eat them. Hamburgers, french fries, and all the trimmings topped off with a delicious peanut butter cookie. Students ate everywhere outside the school, the parking lot, cars, and the grassy area just behind Rebel field.
The cars being put in the parade parked in the grassy area behind Rebel field. Participants decorated with balloons, streamers, and shoe polish on windows. The art club always had the prettiest vehicle. The Homecoming court rode in a convertible in the front of the parade. The next vehicles were full of anxious, rowdy, young football players. They were fired up and ready to beat their opponents in a few short hours. The parade started at school and went around in front of the elementary and junior high schools where children with Rebel spirit clapped and waved with enthusiasm. They were looking forward to one day getting to do the same parade. After that the parade proceeded to downtown McKenzie where the local merchants came out to show their Rebel support. Next the parade headed back to the high school where everyone went for the home side bleachers of Rebel field.
The pep rally was so much fun because it was the only one all year held outside. The cheerleaders would lead the crowd in chants and cheers to get the whole school fired up to support the football team. After the pep rally school was dismissed and local florists would set up in the lobby for students to pick up their mums, for the girls to wear to the game and dance.
Pre-game activities started at 6 o'clock that evening. The crowing of Homecoming Queen was the pre-game highlight. I was so excited when my best friend, Heather Oakley, was crowned Homecoming Queen! The cheerleaders gave the Homecoming court their roses. Then the MHS Marching Band, cheerleaders, and Rebel fans would make a tunnel for the football team to run onto the field and the game started.
I cannot really remember who we played that senior year night but I do remember that we won; because those football players were very victorious. They rallied on the field for at least twenty to thirty minutes. The night was capped off with a dance. Many of the students had a memorable day and evening.
My alma mater means a great deal to me. I am proud of where I stomped my feet during high school. Homecoming has always been one of my highlight events. Being Student Council President I was very involved with the planning of the day's events. Being able to see everything go as planned put a big satisfying smile on my face.
"On McKenzie's northern border reared against the sky, proudly stand our alma mater as the years go by." I will always be proud of where I came from - McKenzie High School.
Monday, August 3, 2009
What Darkness is Visible to Your Life?
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Today's subject may puzzle a few and the few it doesn't puzzle might wonder if my meds are okay. Before I begin I'd like for those of you wondering to know that my medication levels have been checked by my doctor and he is monitoring my progress. He has made a comment to me the last time I visited him that was a great compliment coming from a psychiatrist. I feel so much better in my mental health than I have in about a year. The past 12 months have been rough. And those of you who know what has personally went on in my life the last year will understand what it means for me to finally have peace about what has happened and the outcome of what got started in October. I have peace about it but it doesn't necessarily mean I'm happy about all of it. When you finally let go and let God handle a situation, you find that kind of peace.
So my subject today has to do with a memoir I picked up by a guy named William Styron. Darkness Visible A Memoir of Madness begins with the author's note stating "This book began as a lecture given in Baltimore in May 1989 at a symposium on affective disorders sponsored by the Department of Psychiatry of The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. Greatly, expanded, the text became an essay published in December of that year in Vanity Fair. I had originally intended to begin with a narrative of a trip I made to Paris - a trip which had special significance for me in terms of the development of the depressive illness from which I had suffered. But despite the exceptionally ample amount of space I was given by the magazine, there was an inevitable limit, and I had to discard this part in favor of other matters I wanted to deal with. In the present version, that section has been restored to its place at the beginning." My life has finally gotten to a point from the last year's mess that I feel like God has restored my mental capacity to a place at the beginning. My environment is totally different being as I live in Memphis now and the doctor has even commented that my environment contributed to alot of my mania the past few years. God is good when you finally listen to what He asks you to do, no matter how painful those choices can be.
William Styron wrote about manic depressive or bipolar illness in his memoir, "All of this emphasizes an essential though difficult reality which I think needs stating at the outset of my own chronicle: the disease of depression remains a great mystery. It has yielded its secrets to science far more reluctantly than many of the other major ills besetting us. The intense and sometimes comically strident factionalism that exists in present-day psychiatry - the schism between the believers in psychotherapy and the adherents of pharmacology - resembles the medical quarrels of the eighteenth century (to bleed or not to bleed) and almost defines in itself the inexplicable nature of depression and the difficulty of its treatment. As a clinician in the field told me honestly and, I think, with a striking deftness of analogy: 'If you compare our knowledge with Columbus's discovery of America, America is yet unknown; we are still down on that little island in the Bahamas.'"
I've got people close to me in my family whom I love very much still not able to understand what this disease is all about. Calling my hospitalizations "tune ups" and thinking it is my fault when I become manic. Not putting my dirty laundry out here for everyone to read but that was my existence if I stayed near my family in my hometown. God truly blessed me when He asked me to move to Memphis and stay with my mother who appreciates me, warts, tune ups, and all. She hasn't had to live through a manic episode yet but I may be doing so well I won't have one. One can only hope and keep praying for that; with my stress levels down significantly anything is possible.
Today's subject may puzzle a few and the few it doesn't puzzle might wonder if my meds are okay. Before I begin I'd like for those of you wondering to know that my medication levels have been checked by my doctor and he is monitoring my progress. He has made a comment to me the last time I visited him that was a great compliment coming from a psychiatrist. I feel so much better in my mental health than I have in about a year. The past 12 months have been rough. And those of you who know what has personally went on in my life the last year will understand what it means for me to finally have peace about what has happened and the outcome of what got started in October. I have peace about it but it doesn't necessarily mean I'm happy about all of it. When you finally let go and let God handle a situation, you find that kind of peace.
So my subject today has to do with a memoir I picked up by a guy named William Styron. Darkness Visible A Memoir of Madness begins with the author's note stating "This book began as a lecture given in Baltimore in May 1989 at a symposium on affective disorders sponsored by the Department of Psychiatry of The Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. Greatly, expanded, the text became an essay published in December of that year in Vanity Fair. I had originally intended to begin with a narrative of a trip I made to Paris - a trip which had special significance for me in terms of the development of the depressive illness from which I had suffered. But despite the exceptionally ample amount of space I was given by the magazine, there was an inevitable limit, and I had to discard this part in favor of other matters I wanted to deal with. In the present version, that section has been restored to its place at the beginning." My life has finally gotten to a point from the last year's mess that I feel like God has restored my mental capacity to a place at the beginning. My environment is totally different being as I live in Memphis now and the doctor has even commented that my environment contributed to alot of my mania the past few years. God is good when you finally listen to what He asks you to do, no matter how painful those choices can be.
William Styron wrote about manic depressive or bipolar illness in his memoir, "All of this emphasizes an essential though difficult reality which I think needs stating at the outset of my own chronicle: the disease of depression remains a great mystery. It has yielded its secrets to science far more reluctantly than many of the other major ills besetting us. The intense and sometimes comically strident factionalism that exists in present-day psychiatry - the schism between the believers in psychotherapy and the adherents of pharmacology - resembles the medical quarrels of the eighteenth century (to bleed or not to bleed) and almost defines in itself the inexplicable nature of depression and the difficulty of its treatment. As a clinician in the field told me honestly and, I think, with a striking deftness of analogy: 'If you compare our knowledge with Columbus's discovery of America, America is yet unknown; we are still down on that little island in the Bahamas.'"
I've got people close to me in my family whom I love very much still not able to understand what this disease is all about. Calling my hospitalizations "tune ups" and thinking it is my fault when I become manic. Not putting my dirty laundry out here for everyone to read but that was my existence if I stayed near my family in my hometown. God truly blessed me when He asked me to move to Memphis and stay with my mother who appreciates me, warts, tune ups, and all. She hasn't had to live through a manic episode yet but I may be doing so well I won't have one. One can only hope and keep praying for that; with my stress levels down significantly anything is possible.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
God Always Means What He Says, For ALWAYS!!
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I went to an event tonight where they had an awesome band lead worship and then had a wonderful speaker. Many of my friends already know how amazing Brady Weldon is as an evangelist. He was the speaker at this event. I was impressed with these high school age students playing and leading worship. We were outside at an amphitheater in Milan, Tennessee. When it comes to worship I don't care who is around if I want to dance, I'm gonna dance, if I wanna shout, I shout, and if I raise my hands in worship, I don't care who is around looking at me like I've got a couple of heads instead of one. I was having a great time worshipping God and as the last song was being played God just sat me down and I got my Bible out and turned to scripture and worshipped Him even more.
I went to Deuteronomy 4:32-38 and it spoke to my heart b/c last week I dealt with some tough issues. An old friend called me and I hadn't spoken to him in 9 months. The 9 months I was dealing with the recent 'junk' in my life and I needed my friends; and this person was considered my best friend for the past 4-5 years. The Lord showed me yesterday that the Word He gave me in April, the day before Easter, about this person is still true today. And I had allowed the enemy to sneak in and try to take back what God has given me with my self esteem. This person is still my friend but I no longer have the emotional conflict over our friendship that I once had. It isn't my friend's fault, it's only mine b/c I made our friendship into more than what it ever was going to be. I deserve better in a male companion anyway and my friend and I have too much 'messed up' history.
Deuteronomy 4:32 "Ask now about the former days, long before your time, from the day God created man on the earth; ask from one end of the heavens to the other. Has anything so great as this ever happened, or has anything like it every been heard of?"
I went to an event tonight where they had an awesome band lead worship and then had a wonderful speaker. Many of my friends already know how amazing Brady Weldon is as an evangelist. He was the speaker at this event. I was impressed with these high school age students playing and leading worship. We were outside at an amphitheater in Milan, Tennessee. When it comes to worship I don't care who is around if I want to dance, I'm gonna dance, if I wanna shout, I shout, and if I raise my hands in worship, I don't care who is around looking at me like I've got a couple of heads instead of one. I was having a great time worshipping God and as the last song was being played God just sat me down and I got my Bible out and turned to scripture and worshipped Him even more.
I went to Deuteronomy 4:32-38 and it spoke to my heart b/c last week I dealt with some tough issues. An old friend called me and I hadn't spoken to him in 9 months. The 9 months I was dealing with the recent 'junk' in my life and I needed my friends; and this person was considered my best friend for the past 4-5 years. The Lord showed me yesterday that the Word He gave me in April, the day before Easter, about this person is still true today. And I had allowed the enemy to sneak in and try to take back what God has given me with my self esteem. This person is still my friend but I no longer have the emotional conflict over our friendship that I once had. It isn't my friend's fault, it's only mine b/c I made our friendship into more than what it ever was going to be. I deserve better in a male companion anyway and my friend and I have too much 'messed up' history.
Deuteronomy 4:32 "Ask now about the former days, long before your time, from the day God created man on the earth; ask from one end of the heavens to the other. Has anything so great as this ever happened, or has anything like it every been heard of?"
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