Sorrow is Better than Laughter

Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

I'm getting ready to go to my star gazing spot. I feel really alone today. I don't know why b/c in the 2 years I've been separated and divorced I've not felt lonely. I know I said I felt alone today, but I also felt loneliness. Even now as I have prayed to my heavenly Father about knowing it is okay to be alone, I still feel loneliness - an aching inside my heart that won't go away. As a child when this feeling would creep in I would tell myself that God was going to make it all better one day and I wouldn't ever have to be alone again. And now as an adult I tell myself the same thing but it still doesn't help the hurt I feel.

I'm trying to be positive with this blogspot but sometimes we just have to be transparent and real. I HURT! I want to cry myself to sleep like a baby most nights. And I wonder if anyone besides my heavenly Father even cares. Then I dry my little tears up and pull myself up by my boot straps and get on with my life. As a kid and teenage girl whenever I was emotionally upset or hurt my dad would always tell me I was tough. My grandfather always encouraged me to pick my head up, stop looking down at the ground, and carry myself like the somebody I know I am. These 2 men heavily influenced my emotional heartache. Tough and proud. What a combination. Now all I want to do with both of these is stick them in a trash can somewhere so I can just sit and bawl my eyes out. Being alone has taught me that being tough is an asset and to always be mindful of where I've come from.

Ecclesiastes 7:3 "Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart."

Max Lucado states in his book It's Not About Me, "To say 'It's not about you' is not to say you aren't loved; quite the contrary. It's because God loves you that it's not about you. And, oh, what a love this is. It's 'too wonderful to be measured' (Ephesians 3:19 CEV). But though we cannot measure it, may I urge you to trust it? Some of you are so hungry for such love. Those who should have loved you didn't. Those who could have loved you wouldn't. You were left at the hospital. Left at the altar. Left with an empty bed. Left with a broken heart. Left with your question, 'Does anybody love me?' Please listen to heaven's answer. As you ponder him on the cross, hear God assure, 'I do.'"