Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I finished watching a movie that I don't particularly recommend so I won't disclose the name of it. But it had a couple of lines that really struck a chord with my heart. "It took losing you for me to really find you. Then I found myself." I'm not a person who brings up tragedy for the sake of bringing up the event. I only recall the event b/c I want to share what I've learned from it.
This time of year has been hard for me since I lost my first husband, Keith. The movie I watched was about a young woman who lost her fiance right before the wedding. The movie wasn't written well and the story line was hard to follow, if there really was a story line. But I was reminded of so much about loss that it was refreshing when her character said the above lines.
Keith was one of those guys that would give you his last dollar if you needed it. I've seen him take the shirt off of his back, literally, to give it to someone else. And no words will ever justify the way he treated me. He was way too good to me every day of our life together. And he adored his children. Hannah Ellen is the spitting image of him with her precious face.
Losing Keith was one of those moments in my life that I finally had to realize I was a big girl now. I was 21 and scared to death. I have been ever since that cold December day in 1996. I remember my daddy taking me to Peggy's Fashions to pick out something warm to wear for the funeral. Daddy held my hand through the whole ordeal and I finally felt safe again. But then I had to go back to our house, where it was empty and Keith's laughter was missing. Everything about that house reminded me of him and I couldn't stay there any longer without someone there with me. Hannah wasn't quite 2 and it was the hardest thing trying to raise her with the light of her world gone.
How have I found myself the past 13 years? Good question. I've learned to be myself and never apologize for it. I just warn people ahead of time about who I am, the diagnosis Keith's death tragically placed upon me, and I learned the hard way how to walk away from people who do not deserve my time and attention. It took losing the one person that loved me more than life itself, to learn to accept myself. Keith would be proud of my stubbornness being put to good use. Before it was a source of a lot of headache for him. I'm learning to be more patient but that is taking some trial and error. But I'm getting there.
As Friday approaches I have plans to possibly finally celebrate his passing. Keith is with our Heavenly Father and I will one day see him again. I should finally look at this time of year as a celebration of his wonderfulness and what his life gave me, 2 great kids (Patrick & Hannah Ellen) and a sense of who I am. I was his and everyone knew it but his love was far too great to be here on earth. He gave me the courage to finally be myself. I still love him more every day. I look forward to his embrace.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Home is where the heart is.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Max Lucado states in his book, Traveling Light "The twists and turns of life have a way of reminding us-we aren't home here. This is not our homeland. We aren't fluent in the language of disease and death. The culture confuses the heart, the noise disrupts our sleep, and we feel far from home. .... Homesickness is one of the burdens God doesn't mind if we carry."
I lived in Dallas, Texas back in 1997. I only lived there for 6 months but man was I homesick. I had just lost my first husband in a car accident and I had to get away from home to just breathe and process all my pain. I actually didn't process it at all, I just put it away and wouldn't deal with it. I did everything I could to ignore the hole his death had left on my heart. I partied way too much and I didn't focus on my schoolwork and found myself having to withdraw from my classes and I still have the debt in student loans to prove what a hard lesson that was to learn. I was running from God b/c my pain was so deep I didn't want His love. I was angry and everything I did to push God away was another step in separating myself from home. He would never deny my residence in heaven, I had already accepted His ultimate gift of forgiveness in my Savior, Jesus. But my behavior had me going down a road that ended in my bipolar diagnois.
On December 11th, 1997 I was manic as a bat and had come from Dallas on a plane. My stepfather met me at Memphis International Airport and the heartache for my family began. By the 15th, my father, his sister, and my brother had me at Western State Mental Health Institute and I was admitted for observation. I stayed 3 weeks. Longest stay I've ever had in a mental hospital but God was all around me. As I laid on a thin mat with nothing but a hospital gown on in a cold, brick walled room with bars over the windows I looked up to the ceiling and cried out to my God for the first time in a year. (The 18th of 1996 was the day Keith died) I felt the Lord's presence with me the entire 3 weeks I was institutionalized but if I had not cried out to Him I would've never left that place. God was willing to show me His love during the year after Keith's death but I was unwilling to accept it and God is a gentleman, He never forced Himself into my life. The funny thing about this story is while my family's hearts were breaking over me being in the hospital I was never homesick. I was homesick living in Texas being away from everyone I loved, but God's presence was so strong while I dealt with coming down off my mania that I didn't have a longing for home.
We should always remember that even though life deals us some hard blows at times, we are not home yet. This is not our home. Of course we have homes that we go to every night, cook supper in, lay our heads on a pillow, and hang our clothes in the closets but it is temporary. If your focus isn't on the eternal, the present life you are living will never bring you happiness that lasts. Yes, it is very sad that I lost a husband 13 years ago when I was very young. But I rejoice in the fact that I know Keith is home in heaven with His Savior. When Patrick (Keith's son) and Hannah accepted Christ as their Saviors it was 2 of the greatest, joyous days of my life. Because they may not have Keith now but one day when they cross the Jordan River, they will see him again. And God will bless me by allowing me to be there to see that day.
This time of year has always been very difficult for me but I'm learning more as time passes that the tragedy I (we all) endured in 1996 has taught me more about my heavenly Father's love than any blessing He has ever poured out on me. I am excited about Christmas this year. We have family from out of state flying home and my brother's daughter will be with us for the first time at Christmas. God does heal our wounds but we have to be willing to look at our own hearts and examine any kind of 'darkness' it may have. God wants to give us His very best but if we are so bent on holding onto this home and not our eternal home then He can't give us the Kingdom of Heaven now. I pray you all find peace and comfort in your hearts this Christmas season. Tell someone you haven't told in a while that you love them. You'll find out how much like home, love really feels.
Max Lucado states in his book, Traveling Light "The twists and turns of life have a way of reminding us-we aren't home here. This is not our homeland. We aren't fluent in the language of disease and death. The culture confuses the heart, the noise disrupts our sleep, and we feel far from home. .... Homesickness is one of the burdens God doesn't mind if we carry."
I lived in Dallas, Texas back in 1997. I only lived there for 6 months but man was I homesick. I had just lost my first husband in a car accident and I had to get away from home to just breathe and process all my pain. I actually didn't process it at all, I just put it away and wouldn't deal with it. I did everything I could to ignore the hole his death had left on my heart. I partied way too much and I didn't focus on my schoolwork and found myself having to withdraw from my classes and I still have the debt in student loans to prove what a hard lesson that was to learn. I was running from God b/c my pain was so deep I didn't want His love. I was angry and everything I did to push God away was another step in separating myself from home. He would never deny my residence in heaven, I had already accepted His ultimate gift of forgiveness in my Savior, Jesus. But my behavior had me going down a road that ended in my bipolar diagnois.
On December 11th, 1997 I was manic as a bat and had come from Dallas on a plane. My stepfather met me at Memphis International Airport and the heartache for my family began. By the 15th, my father, his sister, and my brother had me at Western State Mental Health Institute and I was admitted for observation. I stayed 3 weeks. Longest stay I've ever had in a mental hospital but God was all around me. As I laid on a thin mat with nothing but a hospital gown on in a cold, brick walled room with bars over the windows I looked up to the ceiling and cried out to my God for the first time in a year. (The 18th of 1996 was the day Keith died) I felt the Lord's presence with me the entire 3 weeks I was institutionalized but if I had not cried out to Him I would've never left that place. God was willing to show me His love during the year after Keith's death but I was unwilling to accept it and God is a gentleman, He never forced Himself into my life. The funny thing about this story is while my family's hearts were breaking over me being in the hospital I was never homesick. I was homesick living in Texas being away from everyone I loved, but God's presence was so strong while I dealt with coming down off my mania that I didn't have a longing for home.
We should always remember that even though life deals us some hard blows at times, we are not home yet. This is not our home. Of course we have homes that we go to every night, cook supper in, lay our heads on a pillow, and hang our clothes in the closets but it is temporary. If your focus isn't on the eternal, the present life you are living will never bring you happiness that lasts. Yes, it is very sad that I lost a husband 13 years ago when I was very young. But I rejoice in the fact that I know Keith is home in heaven with His Savior. When Patrick (Keith's son) and Hannah accepted Christ as their Saviors it was 2 of the greatest, joyous days of my life. Because they may not have Keith now but one day when they cross the Jordan River, they will see him again. And God will bless me by allowing me to be there to see that day.
This time of year has always been very difficult for me but I'm learning more as time passes that the tragedy I (we all) endured in 1996 has taught me more about my heavenly Father's love than any blessing He has ever poured out on me. I am excited about Christmas this year. We have family from out of state flying home and my brother's daughter will be with us for the first time at Christmas. God does heal our wounds but we have to be willing to look at our own hearts and examine any kind of 'darkness' it may have. God wants to give us His very best but if we are so bent on holding onto this home and not our eternal home then He can't give us the Kingdom of Heaven now. I pray you all find peace and comfort in your hearts this Christmas season. Tell someone you haven't told in a while that you love them. You'll find out how much like home, love really feels.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Remember those who sacrifice at this time of year.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
My laptop is finally fixed, thanks to my friend, Tom. I am such a procrastinator and I never called the manufacturer to get a recovery disk to fix the hard drive. The cable company comes Tuesday and I'm going to have internet access at home. That will be nice b/c I started my new job at Olive Garden this week and I will be busy with working that into my life.
I have finals this week and finish up for the semester Monday the 14th with an English paper and exam. I cannot believe it is over, feels like it just started but I'm ready for a little break.
I missed McKenzie's Hometown Christmas this weekend. I had to be at work Saturday morning at 9am so I couldn't miss my server training class. And now my schedule will require me to make quick trips back to my hometown to see my children but I want to make them the priority I just have to work around a work schedule.
Found out earlier this week that my family from California is going to be home for Christmas which is totally exciting. The whole family together is such a nice feeling at this time of year. I really have to be honest and say I'm not into Christmas like I once was. My children and the celebration of my Savior's birth has been my only reason for putting on a smile and getting through it. But this year with the addition of my niece (who is 12) back into our lives and everyone being at grandmother's, Christmas is going to be absolutely wonderful. My reason for losing so much of my Christmas spirit is because of the loss of Keith, Hannah's daddy. Loss is so heightened during the holidays but he passed away a week to the day from Christmas and this time of year is always a reminder of what I've lost. But I'm learning more and more how to let go of the feeling of loss. I cannot believe it has been 13 years.
So in speaking about loss, I can't imagine how Keith's parents feel every year at this time. They are such wonderful people. They have always treated me like a daughter and because Keith was an only child, I am too. We should remember those who have just lost loved ones at this time of year and give them a kind word or go visit them as they deal with the holidays without their loved one. Losing my grandfather was hard but watching my grandmother go through her first holidays without him was harder.
Remember also to pray for the local guardsmen and their families as this will be another hard time for every person affected. I cannot imagine how it feels to be without your loved one because they are defending our freedom. May God richly bless each and every person that is overseas and absent from their families' celebrations this year.
I need to go because I should study for my tests coming up and I have a paper to write as well.
My laptop is finally fixed, thanks to my friend, Tom. I am such a procrastinator and I never called the manufacturer to get a recovery disk to fix the hard drive. The cable company comes Tuesday and I'm going to have internet access at home. That will be nice b/c I started my new job at Olive Garden this week and I will be busy with working that into my life.
I have finals this week and finish up for the semester Monday the 14th with an English paper and exam. I cannot believe it is over, feels like it just started but I'm ready for a little break.
I missed McKenzie's Hometown Christmas this weekend. I had to be at work Saturday morning at 9am so I couldn't miss my server training class. And now my schedule will require me to make quick trips back to my hometown to see my children but I want to make them the priority I just have to work around a work schedule.
Found out earlier this week that my family from California is going to be home for Christmas which is totally exciting. The whole family together is such a nice feeling at this time of year. I really have to be honest and say I'm not into Christmas like I once was. My children and the celebration of my Savior's birth has been my only reason for putting on a smile and getting through it. But this year with the addition of my niece (who is 12) back into our lives and everyone being at grandmother's, Christmas is going to be absolutely wonderful. My reason for losing so much of my Christmas spirit is because of the loss of Keith, Hannah's daddy. Loss is so heightened during the holidays but he passed away a week to the day from Christmas and this time of year is always a reminder of what I've lost. But I'm learning more and more how to let go of the feeling of loss. I cannot believe it has been 13 years.
So in speaking about loss, I can't imagine how Keith's parents feel every year at this time. They are such wonderful people. They have always treated me like a daughter and because Keith was an only child, I am too. We should remember those who have just lost loved ones at this time of year and give them a kind word or go visit them as they deal with the holidays without their loved one. Losing my grandfather was hard but watching my grandmother go through her first holidays without him was harder.
Remember also to pray for the local guardsmen and their families as this will be another hard time for every person affected. I cannot imagine how it feels to be without your loved one because they are defending our freedom. May God richly bless each and every person that is overseas and absent from their families' celebrations this year.
I need to go because I should study for my tests coming up and I have a paper to write as well.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
What's big in your life?
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
To be a good writer, you should be a lover of literature. I think one of my high school English teachers told me that. So I've also been reading Max Lucado's Traveling Light. (see yesterday's blog) It is about the Promise of Psalm 23.
David being the writer of Psalms, "....is concerned that you and I don't make the same mistake with God. His pen has scarcely touched papyrus, and he's urging us to avoid gods of our own making. With his very first words in this psalm, David sets out to deliver us from the burden of a lesser deity."
The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil.
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever. (NKJV)
"Why did David write the Twenty-third Psalm? To build our trust in God...to remind us of who He is."
Study Guide questions from this chapter are profound. God is the "One who is" and the "One who causes." Why is that important? Because we need a big God. And if God is the "One who is," then He is an unchanging God. Why do we need a big God? Why do we need an unchanging God?
For me having a big God reminds me that He is in control, not me. And for Him to be unchanging is reassuring. I had written about how God has been my anchor through alot of chaos in my lifetime. Sometimes we need to hold that anchor close and allow our life (ship) to sail through the storm. Dropping anchor during a storm could actually damage the boat. I'll hold God close through the storms (& praise Him in the good times). God is definitely a big God in my life because I first allow Him to be. And He proves Himself unchanging through every step I take on this journey called life.
Father God, Thank You for always loving me no matter what I do or say or how much time I don't give You when I should. Thank You for being the God who is big and unchanging in my life. You are the reason I have anything of worth in this life either physically, spiritually, mentally, or emotionally. Thank You for the Promise of Psalm 23.
To be a good writer, you should be a lover of literature. I think one of my high school English teachers told me that. So I've also been reading Max Lucado's Traveling Light. (see yesterday's blog) It is about the Promise of Psalm 23.
David being the writer of Psalms, "....is concerned that you and I don't make the same mistake with God. His pen has scarcely touched papyrus, and he's urging us to avoid gods of our own making. With his very first words in this psalm, David sets out to deliver us from the burden of a lesser deity."
The Lord is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil.
My cup runs over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever. (NKJV)
"Why did David write the Twenty-third Psalm? To build our trust in God...to remind us of who He is."
Study Guide questions from this chapter are profound. God is the "One who is" and the "One who causes." Why is that important? Because we need a big God. And if God is the "One who is," then He is an unchanging God. Why do we need a big God? Why do we need an unchanging God?
For me having a big God reminds me that He is in control, not me. And for Him to be unchanging is reassuring. I had written about how God has been my anchor through alot of chaos in my lifetime. Sometimes we need to hold that anchor close and allow our life (ship) to sail through the storm. Dropping anchor during a storm could actually damage the boat. I'll hold God close through the storms (& praise Him in the good times). God is definitely a big God in my life because I first allow Him to be. And He proves Himself unchanging through every step I take on this journey called life.
Father God, Thank You for always loving me no matter what I do or say or how much time I don't give You when I should. Thank You for being the God who is big and unchanging in my life. You are the reason I have anything of worth in this life either physically, spiritually, mentally, or emotionally. Thank You for the Promise of Psalm 23.
Monday, November 23, 2009
"Love is a gift that cannot be stolen"
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Just hung up the phone with my children. I refuse to give the horrid details of their custody situation but if you know me, you know I don't give up easily. And I'm only speaking of the custody of my younger 2 children, my oldest's custody is settled, signed, and sealed.
I've not finished the wonderful book by Erwin McManus, Soul Cravings but was reading it this afternoon.
"All of us know how cold it is outside.
Its almost unbearable out there.
Especially when we're there,
Alone,
Isolated,
Lonely.
You were never meant to be...
Alone."
"The further we move from love, the more distant God becomes. To live without God is to carry a loneliness that goes to the deepest part of our being. There's an old expression about frigid winters being cold to the bone. Without love we get cold to the bone - cold gets inside you so deep that nothing gets you warm. It's amazing how the love of just one person can make you warm again. Inside of love there is always a fire burning where we can warm our hands, our hearts, and our souls."
The love from my children has gotten me through the roughest of times in my life. (IE: leaving my ex-husband) But I've been reluctant to open up to an intimate love with another human being. I've got some great male friends whom I enjoy being in their company but to open myself up to love - frankly scares me to death. How do you get past that? Maybe when I finish reading this book it will help me understand better why I should open up to intimacy again. My relationship with my father, as I grew up, helped teach me so much about what I'm about to share with you. A father's love for his daughter can teach her so much about love and intimacy. My dad taught me great and wonderful attributes about relationships because he was/is a great dad. Our relationship was/is one of comfort and unconditional love.
Another entry from Soul Cravings is a little bit of a description as to why I shy away from companionship. "Deep down inside we know we cannot fill the vacuum within our souls by consuming people. We are not only robbing others; we are pillaging our own souls. Eventually it hits you: you cannot take love; you have to give it. Love is a gift that cannot be stolen."
Just hung up the phone with my children. I refuse to give the horrid details of their custody situation but if you know me, you know I don't give up easily. And I'm only speaking of the custody of my younger 2 children, my oldest's custody is settled, signed, and sealed.
I've not finished the wonderful book by Erwin McManus, Soul Cravings but was reading it this afternoon.
"All of us know how cold it is outside.
Its almost unbearable out there.
Especially when we're there,
Alone,
Isolated,
Lonely.
You were never meant to be...
Alone."
"The further we move from love, the more distant God becomes. To live without God is to carry a loneliness that goes to the deepest part of our being. There's an old expression about frigid winters being cold to the bone. Without love we get cold to the bone - cold gets inside you so deep that nothing gets you warm. It's amazing how the love of just one person can make you warm again. Inside of love there is always a fire burning where we can warm our hands, our hearts, and our souls."
The love from my children has gotten me through the roughest of times in my life. (IE: leaving my ex-husband) But I've been reluctant to open up to an intimate love with another human being. I've got some great male friends whom I enjoy being in their company but to open myself up to love - frankly scares me to death. How do you get past that? Maybe when I finish reading this book it will help me understand better why I should open up to intimacy again. My relationship with my father, as I grew up, helped teach me so much about what I'm about to share with you. A father's love for his daughter can teach her so much about love and intimacy. My dad taught me great and wonderful attributes about relationships because he was/is a great dad. Our relationship was/is one of comfort and unconditional love.
Another entry from Soul Cravings is a little bit of a description as to why I shy away from companionship. "Deep down inside we know we cannot fill the vacuum within our souls by consuming people. We are not only robbing others; we are pillaging our own souls. Eventually it hits you: you cannot take love; you have to give it. Love is a gift that cannot be stolen."
Sunday, November 15, 2009
It's been a while and hopefully I can keep up since I'm looking for a part time job.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
So I decided to jot down a few words today since it has been a month between my last blog and this one. I apologize for not blogging if you really enjoy my blog and keep up with it. Otherwise this is for my own health and entertainment. HA!
So I visited a great friend out in Colorado back in October. Lost ALL my pictures I took which broke my heart b/c it is goreous, absolutely goreous out there. If I were not attached to Tennessee b/c of my children I would move out there in a heartbeat. It is breath taking and just feels like "God's Country" out there. Anyway, I plan on staying a Tennessee gal who lives just at the edge of the state line in Memphis.
Memphis is a great place to be. I love school, have all As so far and the semster ends in about 3 1/2 weeks. I can't believe it is already time for finals. I'm excited about the classes I'm taking next semster. And once they tally everything from my official transcripts I should know my expected graduation date. Hopefully next December. Then I'm still going to go back and get my Master's Degree. Education....you get a better job with it. So I want to aim high with my future career.
So I had a pretty bad car accident on interstate 40 two weeks ago. I hydoplaned and ended up in the trees with the car flipped on the passenger side. The seat belt saved my life and there was nothing in front of, beside, or behind me when I hit the water and skidded off the road. God defintely had His hand on me! Twice something told me not to drive in that awful rain. But I had a doctor's appointment in Jackson I just had to get to. Next time, I don't plan on driving in the rain on any interstate. So I come home this weekend and was able to get another car b/c my other car was totalled. I went for almost 2 weeks without a car and it drove me nuts depending on my momma for rides to and from class. She was a sweetheart about it every time though. And we had to move during that hardship also! WOW! I've got a really great mother (most of the time - haha for those of you who actually know her you know why I'm laughing).
I did have someone ask me today how it was going with me and my mother and I honestly answered, "GREAT!". I'm wanting to change up this blog and permanently make it "The Locust Project". The life story of my mother and my relationship is a tear jerker actually. I love my mom very much and I'm so glad she is back in my life. I just hope to help others heal from estranged or never known relationships with family members and friends.
Well I need to go and get on the road back to Memphis, Tennessee. I should have my laptop fixed (yeah, it got SLAMMED in the wreck) and internet at home (YEAH!) within a couple of weeks so I'll try to stay more current with my blogspot. May you have a blessed week and God keep you safe in His arms always.
So I decided to jot down a few words today since it has been a month between my last blog and this one. I apologize for not blogging if you really enjoy my blog and keep up with it. Otherwise this is for my own health and entertainment. HA!
So I visited a great friend out in Colorado back in October. Lost ALL my pictures I took which broke my heart b/c it is goreous, absolutely goreous out there. If I were not attached to Tennessee b/c of my children I would move out there in a heartbeat. It is breath taking and just feels like "God's Country" out there. Anyway, I plan on staying a Tennessee gal who lives just at the edge of the state line in Memphis.
Memphis is a great place to be. I love school, have all As so far and the semster ends in about 3 1/2 weeks. I can't believe it is already time for finals. I'm excited about the classes I'm taking next semster. And once they tally everything from my official transcripts I should know my expected graduation date. Hopefully next December. Then I'm still going to go back and get my Master's Degree. Education....you get a better job with it. So I want to aim high with my future career.
So I had a pretty bad car accident on interstate 40 two weeks ago. I hydoplaned and ended up in the trees with the car flipped on the passenger side. The seat belt saved my life and there was nothing in front of, beside, or behind me when I hit the water and skidded off the road. God defintely had His hand on me! Twice something told me not to drive in that awful rain. But I had a doctor's appointment in Jackson I just had to get to. Next time, I don't plan on driving in the rain on any interstate. So I come home this weekend and was able to get another car b/c my other car was totalled. I went for almost 2 weeks without a car and it drove me nuts depending on my momma for rides to and from class. She was a sweetheart about it every time though. And we had to move during that hardship also! WOW! I've got a really great mother (most of the time - haha for those of you who actually know her you know why I'm laughing).
I did have someone ask me today how it was going with me and my mother and I honestly answered, "GREAT!". I'm wanting to change up this blog and permanently make it "The Locust Project". The life story of my mother and my relationship is a tear jerker actually. I love my mom very much and I'm so glad she is back in my life. I just hope to help others heal from estranged or never known relationships with family members and friends.
Well I need to go and get on the road back to Memphis, Tennessee. I should have my laptop fixed (yeah, it got SLAMMED in the wreck) and internet at home (YEAH!) within a couple of weeks so I'll try to stay more current with my blogspot. May you have a blessed week and God keep you safe in His arms always.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
"Oh that Your hand would be with me"
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I’m gonna be lazy today and share someone else’s work for my blogspot today. Instead of going to my favorite hangout, having a latte’, and typing this out. I’m rushed to finish so that I can go to campus to finish some work before my class starts. I don’t want to go and ‘hangout’ tonight b/c I should spend some time with my mom. I leave for McKenzie, my hometown tomorrow and then on to Nashville to catch my flight to Colorado. I will be gone from home (Memphis) 5 days and mom has already expressed how much she is going to miss me but she knows how much I deserve this trip too. So I’ve decided to start changing my schedule around a little bit and make more time to hang out with her. Hence my laziness in blogging today. It comes from a book by Bruce Wilkinson’s wife, Darlene. The Prayer of Jabez for Women.
Chapter 4 titled “When God Steps In”:”The children were getting restless, but our Sunday morning service was about to end…or so I thought. At the conclusion of his message, our pastor shared a heartbreaking story. A teenager from another state had become pregnant. “She has been abandoned by her parents,” he explained, “and she needs a place to live for the next six months.” Immediately I sensed that God was about to expand my territory. It was as if the Lord gently whispered, “Darlene, this invitation is for you.”
But Lord, I reasoned, our children are so young. I know nothing about teenagers. And how will my husband feel about this?
During the drive home, I discovered that God had spoken to Bruce’s heart in a similar way. So we said, “Yes, Lord, we will take this girl into our home for You.” With the decision confirmed, we made the arrangements. Jody would arrive the following day.
That afternoon I became overwhelmed with feelings of fear and inadequacy. What had I been thinking? Retreating to the back porch with my Bible, I poured out my trembling heart to the Lord. Father, I pleaded, I can’t do this! What if she’s on drugs? How will I know what to say? I feel so weak and unprepared to handle this girl’s problems. Please, please help me!
Maybe you recognize this kind of situation in your own life. You eagerly say yes to an exciting border-expanding opportunity – only to realize that you’ve gotten yourself in way over your head. Convinced that you’re unequal to the task, you’re overcome by fear, inadequacy, and apprehension. You may even wonder, Am I in the right place?
As you are about to discover, the wonderful truth is that you’re right where God wants you!
There’s a reason why Jabez’s third request, “Oh, that Your hand would be with me,” follows his request for more territory. (Jabez’s Prayer is 1 Chronicles 4:10) Up to this point, Jabez probably felt that he could handle the challenges his territory required. After all, how hard is it to feed a few goats and keep up a small plot of land? But if God gave him more territory, it would mean more responsibility and greater challenges. Jabez understood that he would not be able to succeed without God’s divine help and intervention.
In the same way, you may have felt capable of handling what lay ahead before you started asking for more territory. And if a new opportunity – not skilled or talented enough – you found a way to avoid it. You pretended not to notice that woman alone in the restaurant crying, or you told yourself you were just too busy to minister to the women in your neighborhood or office.
Those are understandable reactions. But in order to expand your borders beyond where they are, God wants to move you beyond where you are – all the way out on a limb, you might say.
Why? Not so He can leave you hanging there or let you fall, but so you will learn to cry out for His hand, His help, His touch on your life. Only then can He do through you what you can’t do alone. And only then will He be glorified by your accomplishments – because it’s obvious that they couldn’t have happened any other way!
What an intimate image the words keep Your hand on me paint. The picture is of a loving God placing His hand on you so that His power and presence are there in your moment of need. As you step out of your comfort zone into unfamiliar territory for Him, this is an accurate description of exactly what God wants to do for you!”
I’m gonna be lazy today and share someone else’s work for my blogspot today. Instead of going to my favorite hangout, having a latte’, and typing this out. I’m rushed to finish so that I can go to campus to finish some work before my class starts. I don’t want to go and ‘hangout’ tonight b/c I should spend some time with my mom. I leave for McKenzie, my hometown tomorrow and then on to Nashville to catch my flight to Colorado. I will be gone from home (Memphis) 5 days and mom has already expressed how much she is going to miss me but she knows how much I deserve this trip too. So I’ve decided to start changing my schedule around a little bit and make more time to hang out with her. Hence my laziness in blogging today. It comes from a book by Bruce Wilkinson’s wife, Darlene. The Prayer of Jabez for Women.
Chapter 4 titled “When God Steps In”:”The children were getting restless, but our Sunday morning service was about to end…or so I thought. At the conclusion of his message, our pastor shared a heartbreaking story. A teenager from another state had become pregnant. “She has been abandoned by her parents,” he explained, “and she needs a place to live for the next six months.” Immediately I sensed that God was about to expand my territory. It was as if the Lord gently whispered, “Darlene, this invitation is for you.”
But Lord, I reasoned, our children are so young. I know nothing about teenagers. And how will my husband feel about this?
During the drive home, I discovered that God had spoken to Bruce’s heart in a similar way. So we said, “Yes, Lord, we will take this girl into our home for You.” With the decision confirmed, we made the arrangements. Jody would arrive the following day.
That afternoon I became overwhelmed with feelings of fear and inadequacy. What had I been thinking? Retreating to the back porch with my Bible, I poured out my trembling heart to the Lord. Father, I pleaded, I can’t do this! What if she’s on drugs? How will I know what to say? I feel so weak and unprepared to handle this girl’s problems. Please, please help me!
Maybe you recognize this kind of situation in your own life. You eagerly say yes to an exciting border-expanding opportunity – only to realize that you’ve gotten yourself in way over your head. Convinced that you’re unequal to the task, you’re overcome by fear, inadequacy, and apprehension. You may even wonder, Am I in the right place?
As you are about to discover, the wonderful truth is that you’re right where God wants you!
There’s a reason why Jabez’s third request, “Oh, that Your hand would be with me,” follows his request for more territory. (Jabez’s Prayer is 1 Chronicles 4:10) Up to this point, Jabez probably felt that he could handle the challenges his territory required. After all, how hard is it to feed a few goats and keep up a small plot of land? But if God gave him more territory, it would mean more responsibility and greater challenges. Jabez understood that he would not be able to succeed without God’s divine help and intervention.
In the same way, you may have felt capable of handling what lay ahead before you started asking for more territory. And if a new opportunity – not skilled or talented enough – you found a way to avoid it. You pretended not to notice that woman alone in the restaurant crying, or you told yourself you were just too busy to minister to the women in your neighborhood or office.
Those are understandable reactions. But in order to expand your borders beyond where they are, God wants to move you beyond where you are – all the way out on a limb, you might say.
Why? Not so He can leave you hanging there or let you fall, but so you will learn to cry out for His hand, His help, His touch on your life. Only then can He do through you what you can’t do alone. And only then will He be glorified by your accomplishments – because it’s obvious that they couldn’t have happened any other way!
What an intimate image the words keep Your hand on me paint. The picture is of a loving God placing His hand on you so that His power and presence are there in your moment of need. As you step out of your comfort zone into unfamiliar territory for Him, this is an accurate description of exactly what God wants to do for you!”
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Check Memo says: B/c of my shameful behavior!
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I had spent like 30 minutes typing a blog earlier today and it wouldn't post and it didn't save but like 4% of it! So I decided to scratch that idea and start with a new one. I went home and took a 30 minute rest, which did me good. My doctor put me on a different medication, one I've used in the past but the milligrams were too strong when I took it 3 years ago, it's working like a charm this time. I've noticed a big difference in being able to get up and going in the mornings. I sleep much better too.
So I really don't go into much detail about my personal life and relationships on this blogspot b/c whatever you put out on the internet...is there for the whole world to see. And I really don't care too much about airing out my dirty draws (as my daddy calls underwear). I will say that my behavior toward a particular person in my life has been shameful. I have acted like a brat who hasn't gotten her way and so I'm sulking and pouting. God has truly shown Himself to me this week. The church I attend in Memphis, White Station Baptist, started Experiencing God on Wednesday nights last week. (I've done the study before with Long Heights Baptist, 2002) That study has changed my life this week!!! And it shows b/c of what I have to do to reconcile my behavior with this person. They may not accept that I'm apologizing but forgiveness is for you, not for the other person actually.
So I was reading a tiny little book by Kenneth Hagin, Right and Wrong Thinking. The following describes perfectly why I choose to recognize my behavior as wrong and unbecoming of a believer in Christ. "When people confess their lack, they build a sense of lack and inadequacy into themselves, and then these deficiencies gain the ascendancy in their lives. But Jesus is our Lord, and if we hold fast to the confession of His Lordship, then Jesus will gain the ascendancy in our lives and lead us into success. We shall never rise above our confessions. The confessions of a believer's lips that have grown out of faith in his heart will absolutely beat the devil in every combat. However, if a believer does not believe in his heart the confessions his lips are making, these confessions will not work. And if he confesses Satan's ability to hinder him and to keep him from success, Satan will gain dominion over him. But Colossians 2:15 says, 'And having spoiled principalities and powers, he made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it.' If Christ defeated the devil for us, then why does the devil do so many things against us? Why does he dominate people? Because people allow him to!"
The following scripture spoken from Jesus should convince us of the reason we should turn from sin and seek our Father's approval all the time. From John 8:31-38, "So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, 'If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.' They answered him, 'We are offspring of Abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone. How is it that you say, 'You will become free'?' Jesus answered them, 'Truly, truly I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever, the son remains forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. I know that you are offspring of Abraham; yet you seek to kill me because my word finds no place in you. I speak of what I have seen with my Father, and you do what you have heard from your father'."
The next piece I'm about to share with you is lengthy but it makes complete sense. Many of us have such a problem with unforgiving. We think that it serves us well to continue being bitter, angry, hurt, disappointed, or even allowing hatred to permeate our soul. It is sin! Plain and simple and God cannot, will not bless us if we continue to harbor these emotions in our hearts and souls toward another person. God understands these emotions and He doesn't tell us we can't feel the hurt and pain, it does matter to Him. What He warns us against is allowing these feelings to turn and cause the unforgiveness that is sin. Allow Max Lucado to finish today's blog out with his words. I'll warn you now, when you are finished reading this....you won't want to continue to be so bitter! Give it to God, I did this afternoon, bawled my eyes out for 20 minutes - almost needing to get into an altar to pray b/c my behavior associated with the unforgiveness has been so shameful. Don't continue to allow satan to win his battle against you. Forgive, give it to God, and it will set you free indeed!
In the Grip of Grace, chapter titled "The Heaviness of Hatred":
"Each week Kevin Tunell is required to mail a dollar to a family he'd rather forget. They sued him for $1.5 million but settled for $936, to be paid a dollar at a time. The family expects the payment each Friday so Tunell won't forget what happened on the first Friday of 1982.
That's the day their daughter was killed. Tunell was convicted of manslaughter and drunken driving. He was seventeen. She was eighteen. Tunell served a court sentence. He also spent seven years campaigning against drunk driving, six years more than his sentence required. But he keeps forgetting to send the dollar.
The weekly restitution is to last until the year 2000. Eighteen years. Tunell makes the check out to the victim, mails it to her family, and the money is deposited in a scholarship fund.
The family has taken him to court four times for failure to comply. After the most recent appearance, Tunell spent thirty days in jail. He insists that he's not defying the order but rather is haunted by the girl's death and tormented by the reminders. He offered the family two boxes of checks covering the payments until the year 2001, one year more than required. They refused. It's not money they seek, but penance.
Quoting the mother, 'We want to receive the check every week on time. He must understand we are going to pursue this until August of the year 2000. We will go back to court every month if we have to.'
Few would question the anger of the family. Only the naive would think it fair to leave the guilty unpunished. But I do have one concern. Is 936 payments enough? Not for Tunell to send, mind you, but for the family to demand? When they receive the final payment, will they be at peace? In August 2000, will the family be able to put the matter to rest? Is eighteen years' worth of restitution sufficient? Will 196 months' worth of remorse be adequate?
How much is enough? Were you in the family and were Tunell your target, how many payments would you require? Better stated, how many payments do you require?
No on - I repeat, no one - makes it through life free of injury. Someone somewhere has hurt you. Like the eighteen-year-old, you've been a victim. She died because someone drank too much. Part of you has died because someone spoke too much, demanded too much, and neglected too much. Everyone gets wounded; hence everyone must decide: how many payments will I demand? We may not require that the offender write checks, but we have other ways of settling the score.
Silence is a popular technique. (Ignore them when they speak.) Distance is equally effective. (When they come your way, walk the other.) Nagging is a third tool for revenge. ("Oh, I see you still have fingers on your hand. Funny you never use them to dial my number." "Oh, Joe, nice of you to drop in on us unpromoted peons.")
Amazing how creative we can be at getting even. If I can soil one evening, spoil one day, foil one Friday, then justice is served and I'm content.
For now. Until I think of you again. Until I see you again. Until something happens that brings to mind the deed you did, then I'll demand another check. I'm not about to let you heal before I do. As long as I suffer, you suffer. As long as I hurt, you hurt. You cut me, and I'm going to make you feel bad as long as I bleed, even if I have to reopen the wound myself."
Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind and loving to each other, and forgive each other just as God forgave you in Christ."
I had spent like 30 minutes typing a blog earlier today and it wouldn't post and it didn't save but like 4% of it! So I decided to scratch that idea and start with a new one. I went home and took a 30 minute rest, which did me good. My doctor put me on a different medication, one I've used in the past but the milligrams were too strong when I took it 3 years ago, it's working like a charm this time. I've noticed a big difference in being able to get up and going in the mornings. I sleep much better too.
So I really don't go into much detail about my personal life and relationships on this blogspot b/c whatever you put out on the internet...is there for the whole world to see. And I really don't care too much about airing out my dirty draws (as my daddy calls underwear). I will say that my behavior toward a particular person in my life has been shameful. I have acted like a brat who hasn't gotten her way and so I'm sulking and pouting. God has truly shown Himself to me this week. The church I attend in Memphis, White Station Baptist, started Experiencing God on Wednesday nights last week. (I've done the study before with Long Heights Baptist, 2002) That study has changed my life this week!!! And it shows b/c of what I have to do to reconcile my behavior with this person. They may not accept that I'm apologizing but forgiveness is for you, not for the other person actually.
So I was reading a tiny little book by Kenneth Hagin, Right and Wrong Thinking. The following describes perfectly why I choose to recognize my behavior as wrong and unbecoming of a believer in Christ. "When people confess their lack, they build a sense of lack and inadequacy into themselves, and then these deficiencies gain the ascendancy in their lives. But Jesus is our Lord, and if we hold fast to the confession of His Lordship, then Jesus will gain the ascendancy in our lives and lead us into success. We shall never rise above our confessions. The confessions of a believer's lips that have grown out of faith in his heart will absolutely beat the devil in every combat. However, if a believer does not believe in his heart the confessions his lips are making, these confessions will not work. And if he confesses Satan's ability to hinder him and to keep him from success, Satan will gain dominion over him. But Colossians 2:15 says, 'And having spoiled principalities and powers, he made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it.' If Christ defeated the devil for us, then why does the devil do so many things against us? Why does he dominate people? Because people allow him to!"
The following scripture spoken from Jesus should convince us of the reason we should turn from sin and seek our Father's approval all the time. From John 8:31-38, "So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, 'If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.' They answered him, 'We are offspring of Abraham and have never been enslaved to anyone. How is it that you say, 'You will become free'?' Jesus answered them, 'Truly, truly I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not remain in the house forever, the son remains forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. I know that you are offspring of Abraham; yet you seek to kill me because my word finds no place in you. I speak of what I have seen with my Father, and you do what you have heard from your father'."
The next piece I'm about to share with you is lengthy but it makes complete sense. Many of us have such a problem with unforgiving. We think that it serves us well to continue being bitter, angry, hurt, disappointed, or even allowing hatred to permeate our soul. It is sin! Plain and simple and God cannot, will not bless us if we continue to harbor these emotions in our hearts and souls toward another person. God understands these emotions and He doesn't tell us we can't feel the hurt and pain, it does matter to Him. What He warns us against is allowing these feelings to turn and cause the unforgiveness that is sin. Allow Max Lucado to finish today's blog out with his words. I'll warn you now, when you are finished reading this....you won't want to continue to be so bitter! Give it to God, I did this afternoon, bawled my eyes out for 20 minutes - almost needing to get into an altar to pray b/c my behavior associated with the unforgiveness has been so shameful. Don't continue to allow satan to win his battle against you. Forgive, give it to God, and it will set you free indeed!
In the Grip of Grace, chapter titled "The Heaviness of Hatred":
"Each week Kevin Tunell is required to mail a dollar to a family he'd rather forget. They sued him for $1.5 million but settled for $936, to be paid a dollar at a time. The family expects the payment each Friday so Tunell won't forget what happened on the first Friday of 1982.
That's the day their daughter was killed. Tunell was convicted of manslaughter and drunken driving. He was seventeen. She was eighteen. Tunell served a court sentence. He also spent seven years campaigning against drunk driving, six years more than his sentence required. But he keeps forgetting to send the dollar.
The weekly restitution is to last until the year 2000. Eighteen years. Tunell makes the check out to the victim, mails it to her family, and the money is deposited in a scholarship fund.
The family has taken him to court four times for failure to comply. After the most recent appearance, Tunell spent thirty days in jail. He insists that he's not defying the order but rather is haunted by the girl's death and tormented by the reminders. He offered the family two boxes of checks covering the payments until the year 2001, one year more than required. They refused. It's not money they seek, but penance.
Quoting the mother, 'We want to receive the check every week on time. He must understand we are going to pursue this until August of the year 2000. We will go back to court every month if we have to.'
Few would question the anger of the family. Only the naive would think it fair to leave the guilty unpunished. But I do have one concern. Is 936 payments enough? Not for Tunell to send, mind you, but for the family to demand? When they receive the final payment, will they be at peace? In August 2000, will the family be able to put the matter to rest? Is eighteen years' worth of restitution sufficient? Will 196 months' worth of remorse be adequate?
How much is enough? Were you in the family and were Tunell your target, how many payments would you require? Better stated, how many payments do you require?
No on - I repeat, no one - makes it through life free of injury. Someone somewhere has hurt you. Like the eighteen-year-old, you've been a victim. She died because someone drank too much. Part of you has died because someone spoke too much, demanded too much, and neglected too much. Everyone gets wounded; hence everyone must decide: how many payments will I demand? We may not require that the offender write checks, but we have other ways of settling the score.
Silence is a popular technique. (Ignore them when they speak.) Distance is equally effective. (When they come your way, walk the other.) Nagging is a third tool for revenge. ("Oh, I see you still have fingers on your hand. Funny you never use them to dial my number." "Oh, Joe, nice of you to drop in on us unpromoted peons.")
Amazing how creative we can be at getting even. If I can soil one evening, spoil one day, foil one Friday, then justice is served and I'm content.
For now. Until I think of you again. Until I see you again. Until something happens that brings to mind the deed you did, then I'll demand another check. I'm not about to let you heal before I do. As long as I suffer, you suffer. As long as I hurt, you hurt. You cut me, and I'm going to make you feel bad as long as I bleed, even if I have to reopen the wound myself."
Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind and loving to each other, and forgive each other just as God forgave you in Christ."
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Praising Him in the rain! (literally)
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Today was just one of those wonderful, I can't believe what I did days! I got up and knew it was going to be raining soon so I got dressed to do my 3 mile walk. By the time I got started with my walk it was drizzling but it was okay, I had my ball cap on and my Cowboys (Dallas) wind-rain pullover on. About halfway through my walk the rain was steady and my wind breaker is no longer keeping me dry. I am soaked to the bone and rain is dripping from my ball cap. It felt exhilarating! I kept thinking about how life giving rain truly is and I just worshipped God the rest of my walk. When I got home, I was ready to shout!!!!!
My quiet time today focused on worship. And I was challenged by the devotion I'm reading to sing a song of praise to God when I was finished with my reading. Daniel Doss Band's "Blessed is the One" is what I choose and I replayed it another time. The devotional I'm reading is by Rebecca St. James and it is titled, Pure. The scripture verse for today came from Psalm 66:1-4. "Shout joyful praises to God, all the earth! Sing about the glory of his name! Tell the world how glorious he is. Say to God, 'How awesome are your deeds! Your enemies cringe before your mighty power. Everything on earth will worship you; they will sing your praises, shouting your name in glorious songs'."
Have you ever just thought about how glorious the praise of heaven will be like? How loud it will be? Not noisy loud, just the volume of all creation praising God's name. It takes my breath away thinking about being in His throne room singing to Him. Yet we can come before Him every day and sing praises to Him and join with creation in praising how mighty He is right now. I use to sing really well but cheerleading ruined my singing voice when I was in 10th grade. (Lost my voice at cheer camp that summer and when my vocals returned 3 days later my voice was deeper.) So now when I sing I don't feel adequate enough but that's okay my heart is toward worshipping God and that's all that matters to Him. Sing praise to Him, He deserves all of it and more.
Rebecca St. James shared in today's devotion titled "Called to Worship" about her definition of worship. "I believe worship is the greatest thing we can do here on earth.... Worship is our calling; it's what we're created to do. ......There is such a need for it today. I define worship simply as our love response to God's love for us. When we express our love to God, when we open ourselves up to the reality of how much He truly loves us, living radically for Him simply becomes a natural lifestyle. It's so much more than going through the motions and just going to church on Sunday and Wednesday and saying, 'I'm a Christian.' It's living for God 24-7. .... To worship God is to be overwhelmed by His greatness and glory." She then goes on to ask questions in the Living It Out section. "What kind of worship is appropriate for you to bring to God today? Joyful exuberance, thankful devotion, humble adoration, or reverent silence? God will delight in any of these offerings from your lips and from your heart. Think about who He is. Praise Him for His faithfulness and constancy. Praise Him for His creations and for His blessings in your life. Then sing a worship song to Him." Seriously, try it....think of your favorite praise song, worship song, or hymn and just belt it out to the One who created you to sing it to Him. I took my walk in the rain before I did my quiet time so I just had a double blessing this morning!!
God is so amazing how He takes the every day little things in our life and reveals how truly great He is. I've been petitioning Him about a specific topic lately and though my patience has endured, I'm growing very impatient but lately He has helped me through the frustration of the request. God prepares us before He gives us the blessing or fulfills the request we're asking for. God also asks for our exhortation, encouragement, and prayer. Philippians 4:4-9 says this about those 3 subjects, "Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me - practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." ESV
Today was just one of those wonderful, I can't believe what I did days! I got up and knew it was going to be raining soon so I got dressed to do my 3 mile walk. By the time I got started with my walk it was drizzling but it was okay, I had my ball cap on and my Cowboys (Dallas) wind-rain pullover on. About halfway through my walk the rain was steady and my wind breaker is no longer keeping me dry. I am soaked to the bone and rain is dripping from my ball cap. It felt exhilarating! I kept thinking about how life giving rain truly is and I just worshipped God the rest of my walk. When I got home, I was ready to shout!!!!!
My quiet time today focused on worship. And I was challenged by the devotion I'm reading to sing a song of praise to God when I was finished with my reading. Daniel Doss Band's "Blessed is the One" is what I choose and I replayed it another time. The devotional I'm reading is by Rebecca St. James and it is titled, Pure. The scripture verse for today came from Psalm 66:1-4. "Shout joyful praises to God, all the earth! Sing about the glory of his name! Tell the world how glorious he is. Say to God, 'How awesome are your deeds! Your enemies cringe before your mighty power. Everything on earth will worship you; they will sing your praises, shouting your name in glorious songs'."
Have you ever just thought about how glorious the praise of heaven will be like? How loud it will be? Not noisy loud, just the volume of all creation praising God's name. It takes my breath away thinking about being in His throne room singing to Him. Yet we can come before Him every day and sing praises to Him and join with creation in praising how mighty He is right now. I use to sing really well but cheerleading ruined my singing voice when I was in 10th grade. (Lost my voice at cheer camp that summer and when my vocals returned 3 days later my voice was deeper.) So now when I sing I don't feel adequate enough but that's okay my heart is toward worshipping God and that's all that matters to Him. Sing praise to Him, He deserves all of it and more.
Rebecca St. James shared in today's devotion titled "Called to Worship" about her definition of worship. "I believe worship is the greatest thing we can do here on earth.... Worship is our calling; it's what we're created to do. ......There is such a need for it today. I define worship simply as our love response to God's love for us. When we express our love to God, when we open ourselves up to the reality of how much He truly loves us, living radically for Him simply becomes a natural lifestyle. It's so much more than going through the motions and just going to church on Sunday and Wednesday and saying, 'I'm a Christian.' It's living for God 24-7. .... To worship God is to be overwhelmed by His greatness and glory." She then goes on to ask questions in the Living It Out section. "What kind of worship is appropriate for you to bring to God today? Joyful exuberance, thankful devotion, humble adoration, or reverent silence? God will delight in any of these offerings from your lips and from your heart. Think about who He is. Praise Him for His faithfulness and constancy. Praise Him for His creations and for His blessings in your life. Then sing a worship song to Him." Seriously, try it....think of your favorite praise song, worship song, or hymn and just belt it out to the One who created you to sing it to Him. I took my walk in the rain before I did my quiet time so I just had a double blessing this morning!!
God is so amazing how He takes the every day little things in our life and reveals how truly great He is. I've been petitioning Him about a specific topic lately and though my patience has endured, I'm growing very impatient but lately He has helped me through the frustration of the request. God prepares us before He gives us the blessing or fulfills the request we're asking for. God also asks for our exhortation, encouragement, and prayer. Philippians 4:4-9 says this about those 3 subjects, "Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me - practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." ESV
Monday, October 12, 2009
Is Your Journey a Sprint or a Marathon?
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Today I was finally able to meet with an advisor who was able to give me "the plan". "The plan" being how many credit hours I need to finish and what courses I lack in order to complete the degree. We are still waiting for official transcripts from 2 online colleges I took courses with so the numbers will have to "add up" after they "officially" receive those. We are able to use the unofficial transcripts to do figuring but I have until November 9th b/c that is the day I can register for spring semester.
So I was a little disappointed today to learn that I would have to really buckle down even both terms this summer (I was planning on attending only 1 summer session) in order to finish by December 2010. Then I thought about it for a minute and it dawned on me that I don't have to rush this process. I need to enjoy this journey and take time to smell the flowers as I go along. How many of us rush around in our life and never enjoy the journey? God didn't intend for us to live our life in a constant "I wish" or "when I get .... done" mode.
Billy Graham, probably the most influential evangelist of our time, wrote a book titled The Journey (cool how I thought of my university experience as a journey) and he states, "The journey God has given us isn't a sprint but a marathon." The message of this book is "How to live by faith in an uncertain world". The chapter titled "The Long Haul" has the comparisons of a sprint runner and a marathon runner. Allow me to share this with you from the book. "A sprint is very different from a marathon. A sprint covers only a short distance and lasts just a few seconds, while a marathon covers miles and may last for hours. But the difference isn't only one of distance or time; it is also in the amount of stamina they require from each runner. The runner in a sprint race - a 100-yard dash, for example, or a 200-meter race - pours all of his energy into those few seconds of intense activity, crossing the finish line drained and exhausted. If he had to run another 100 yards or 200 meters, he might collapse, or at least he would slow down dramatically. The marathon runner, on the other hand, carefully paces himself, not using up all his energy in the early part of the race but measuring it out, maintaining a steady rate of speed as long as possible. ......This comparison with the Christian's journey through life isn't exact, of course. We never know, for example, how long our personal journey will last; God may take you home to heaven tomorrow. The marathon runner also trains extensively (often for years) before he enters his first race. We, on the other hand, are already in the midst of the race, learning as we go along and continually drawing strength from the resources God gives us. And, unlike the runner, we do not know in advance exactly what course the path may take - although we have no doubt about the final goal."
I'd like to remind you also that God wants us to ask Him for what we need in this journey. I came across Matthew 7:7-11 this morning during my quiet time and I rejoice that my heavenly Father wants to give me good things and to enjoy the journey is part of those good things. "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"
Thirteen years ago, life for me was just beginning, I was a newlywed (2 years) and our marriage had started to reach a new level of intimacy. My husband, Keith, adored me and our baby girl, Hannah. I couldn't believe that I was married and a mother at the age of 20, but as a teenager all I could dream about was having a family. I never had grand dreams of being a career woman (though I did have a goal of being President of the United States) or just HAVING to HAVE a college degree right away. After high school, I followed the journey my heart desired and God blessed me in so many ways. Don't get me wrong continuing my education was important to me, I did eventually start it. I just wanted what my heart wanted and God gave it to me. Many of you do know the tragedy that occurred 12/18/96 and you also know that God changed me in many ways b/c of the loss that was endured. My life would never be the same after those few cold days in December. The year that followed taught me more about myself than any other of my 34 years. I grew up alot in that year. I finally realized that the blazing sun that shined brightly during the day was the center of our universe, not me. Yeah, that's a sad reality to state but it is the truth and it took Keith's death to teach me many lessons about my continuing journey. God has a way of dealing with whatever it is that keeps you from His best for you. This is a daily lesson in reality for me. We have to be willing to lace up our running shoes, take in God's Word daily like putting those ear buds in our ears from our MP3 player for our run, and keep pace in life just as you pace yourself during a run/jog/walk. Make sure to allow your Creator to hold the map of your life b/c He designed it and knows what's best for you. May we be found ready and trained, training daily for our journey.
Today I was finally able to meet with an advisor who was able to give me "the plan". "The plan" being how many credit hours I need to finish and what courses I lack in order to complete the degree. We are still waiting for official transcripts from 2 online colleges I took courses with so the numbers will have to "add up" after they "officially" receive those. We are able to use the unofficial transcripts to do figuring but I have until November 9th b/c that is the day I can register for spring semester.
So I was a little disappointed today to learn that I would have to really buckle down even both terms this summer (I was planning on attending only 1 summer session) in order to finish by December 2010. Then I thought about it for a minute and it dawned on me that I don't have to rush this process. I need to enjoy this journey and take time to smell the flowers as I go along. How many of us rush around in our life and never enjoy the journey? God didn't intend for us to live our life in a constant "I wish" or "when I get .... done" mode.
Billy Graham, probably the most influential evangelist of our time, wrote a book titled The Journey (cool how I thought of my university experience as a journey) and he states, "The journey God has given us isn't a sprint but a marathon." The message of this book is "How to live by faith in an uncertain world". The chapter titled "The Long Haul" has the comparisons of a sprint runner and a marathon runner. Allow me to share this with you from the book. "A sprint is very different from a marathon. A sprint covers only a short distance and lasts just a few seconds, while a marathon covers miles and may last for hours. But the difference isn't only one of distance or time; it is also in the amount of stamina they require from each runner. The runner in a sprint race - a 100-yard dash, for example, or a 200-meter race - pours all of his energy into those few seconds of intense activity, crossing the finish line drained and exhausted. If he had to run another 100 yards or 200 meters, he might collapse, or at least he would slow down dramatically. The marathon runner, on the other hand, carefully paces himself, not using up all his energy in the early part of the race but measuring it out, maintaining a steady rate of speed as long as possible. ......This comparison with the Christian's journey through life isn't exact, of course. We never know, for example, how long our personal journey will last; God may take you home to heaven tomorrow. The marathon runner also trains extensively (often for years) before he enters his first race. We, on the other hand, are already in the midst of the race, learning as we go along and continually drawing strength from the resources God gives us. And, unlike the runner, we do not know in advance exactly what course the path may take - although we have no doubt about the final goal."
I'd like to remind you also that God wants us to ask Him for what we need in this journey. I came across Matthew 7:7-11 this morning during my quiet time and I rejoice that my heavenly Father wants to give me good things and to enjoy the journey is part of those good things. "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"
Thirteen years ago, life for me was just beginning, I was a newlywed (2 years) and our marriage had started to reach a new level of intimacy. My husband, Keith, adored me and our baby girl, Hannah. I couldn't believe that I was married and a mother at the age of 20, but as a teenager all I could dream about was having a family. I never had grand dreams of being a career woman (though I did have a goal of being President of the United States) or just HAVING to HAVE a college degree right away. After high school, I followed the journey my heart desired and God blessed me in so many ways. Don't get me wrong continuing my education was important to me, I did eventually start it. I just wanted what my heart wanted and God gave it to me. Many of you do know the tragedy that occurred 12/18/96 and you also know that God changed me in many ways b/c of the loss that was endured. My life would never be the same after those few cold days in December. The year that followed taught me more about myself than any other of my 34 years. I grew up alot in that year. I finally realized that the blazing sun that shined brightly during the day was the center of our universe, not me. Yeah, that's a sad reality to state but it is the truth and it took Keith's death to teach me many lessons about my continuing journey. God has a way of dealing with whatever it is that keeps you from His best for you. This is a daily lesson in reality for me. We have to be willing to lace up our running shoes, take in God's Word daily like putting those ear buds in our ears from our MP3 player for our run, and keep pace in life just as you pace yourself during a run/jog/walk. Make sure to allow your Creator to hold the map of your life b/c He designed it and knows what's best for you. May we be found ready and trained, training daily for our journey.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Family reunions, popping rocks, and the wonderful "man" God gave me in my son.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Tonight at Bible study we went over the Psalm of Integrity, Psalm 101. I'm telling you I really needed this lesson which was titled Steadfast Integrity. Integrity means quality or state of being complete or undivided. And steadfast means not changing. How many of you would've liked hearing a lesson about this? God has shown me so much about myself since I've been able to focus more on His will rather than "His will FOR MY LIFE". What does God's will have to do with steadfast integrity? Well in verse 3, "I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless." And the words I will literally mean a choice, I decide. You can't make someone a person of integrity it is a choice. Doing God's will is a choice as well, God doesn't make us choose what He chooses but He rather gives us the choice.
Let's take a closer look at verse 3. First, real integrity is recognizing who we are and making a choice. A synonym for integrity is purity. Integrity and purity are personal matters. As in verse 3 you cannot relax your standards. If something worthless is set before you, you have a choice to turn away or dwell on it.
Proverbs 22:1 (on a side note is the Bible verse for the meaning of my name, Billie)"A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold." The question was asked, what do you need to do to clean up your lifestyle before Christ comes? (meaning the second coming of Christ) This question is aimed at believers not non-believers b/c as lost people you don't get "cleaned up" and then come to Christ. Come as you are and He will do the cleaning. But the question was aimed at born again Christians to get us meditating on our behavior. What do people think of when they say or think of your name? Are you a person of integrity?
My favorite Psalm is 119, from verses 33-37, "Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statutes; and I will keep it to the end. Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart. Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it." Looking at these 5 verses we should pray, Dear God, merciful Lord...please look at my heart, examine it in all the dark, hidden places You know about and show me how to change what is wrong. Father God I will choose to be a person of integrity. Thank You for what You are going to do. Make these verses of Psalm 119 my mantra every day. AMEN
On a note of integrity, I was in my hometown this weekend to visit my children and go to a family reunion. We play BINGO and win prizes for fun at the reunion every year. Everyone loves it, young and old, boy and girl. Many of the kids had won popping rocks, the firecracker type pods that you throw on the ground and they explode into a faint "pop" sound. So the kids went out on my grandmother's front porch to play with their wonderfully won prizes. My 9 year old son starts to realize that the paper from these pods are making a mess. And I was so proud when he turned to me and said, "Momma, when we're finished playing with these we need to get a broom and clean our mess up." He is so thoughtful too. One time when he won BINGO, instead of getting something for himself he choose a thoughtful gift for grandmother, which is his great grandmother. I pray my absence from my children is temporary. I am so thankful that I raised them properly and God gives me little nuggets of how I did raising them up in Him is translating into my children's lives. My Bryce will grow up to be such a wonderful man and an outstanding husband. That makes a mother's heart flutter when God shows her a vision of a man in her 9 year old son. My daughters are wonderful in their unique ways as well. I just had to brag about Bryce b/c of the events of this weekend.
God is doing some amazing miracles in my life. I wake up each morning with an expectation beyond my wildest dreams. Life isn't always peaches, come on, I live with my mother and I'm 34! I just know that I'm right where I need to be, exactly where my heavenly Father wants me. I'm learning NOT to ask God to put me in His will for my life rather I ask God for His will - period.
Tonight at Bible study we went over the Psalm of Integrity, Psalm 101. I'm telling you I really needed this lesson which was titled Steadfast Integrity. Integrity means quality or state of being complete or undivided. And steadfast means not changing. How many of you would've liked hearing a lesson about this? God has shown me so much about myself since I've been able to focus more on His will rather than "His will FOR MY LIFE". What does God's will have to do with steadfast integrity? Well in verse 3, "I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless." And the words I will literally mean a choice, I decide. You can't make someone a person of integrity it is a choice. Doing God's will is a choice as well, God doesn't make us choose what He chooses but He rather gives us the choice.
Let's take a closer look at verse 3. First, real integrity is recognizing who we are and making a choice. A synonym for integrity is purity. Integrity and purity are personal matters. As in verse 3 you cannot relax your standards. If something worthless is set before you, you have a choice to turn away or dwell on it.
Proverbs 22:1 (on a side note is the Bible verse for the meaning of my name, Billie)"A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold." The question was asked, what do you need to do to clean up your lifestyle before Christ comes? (meaning the second coming of Christ) This question is aimed at believers not non-believers b/c as lost people you don't get "cleaned up" and then come to Christ. Come as you are and He will do the cleaning. But the question was aimed at born again Christians to get us meditating on our behavior. What do people think of when they say or think of your name? Are you a person of integrity?
My favorite Psalm is 119, from verses 33-37, "Teach me, O Lord, the way of your statutes; and I will keep it to the end. Give me understanding, that I may keep your law and observe it with my whole heart. Lead me in the path of your commandments, for I delight in it." Looking at these 5 verses we should pray, Dear God, merciful Lord...please look at my heart, examine it in all the dark, hidden places You know about and show me how to change what is wrong. Father God I will choose to be a person of integrity. Thank You for what You are going to do. Make these verses of Psalm 119 my mantra every day. AMEN
On a note of integrity, I was in my hometown this weekend to visit my children and go to a family reunion. We play BINGO and win prizes for fun at the reunion every year. Everyone loves it, young and old, boy and girl. Many of the kids had won popping rocks, the firecracker type pods that you throw on the ground and they explode into a faint "pop" sound. So the kids went out on my grandmother's front porch to play with their wonderfully won prizes. My 9 year old son starts to realize that the paper from these pods are making a mess. And I was so proud when he turned to me and said, "Momma, when we're finished playing with these we need to get a broom and clean our mess up." He is so thoughtful too. One time when he won BINGO, instead of getting something for himself he choose a thoughtful gift for grandmother, which is his great grandmother. I pray my absence from my children is temporary. I am so thankful that I raised them properly and God gives me little nuggets of how I did raising them up in Him is translating into my children's lives. My Bryce will grow up to be such a wonderful man and an outstanding husband. That makes a mother's heart flutter when God shows her a vision of a man in her 9 year old son. My daughters are wonderful in their unique ways as well. I just had to brag about Bryce b/c of the events of this weekend.
God is doing some amazing miracles in my life. I wake up each morning with an expectation beyond my wildest dreams. Life isn't always peaches, come on, I live with my mother and I'm 34! I just know that I'm right where I need to be, exactly where my heavenly Father wants me. I'm learning NOT to ask God to put me in His will for my life rather I ask God for His will - period.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
I'm finally taking a vacation!
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
This fall weather is wonderful. Fall has always been my favorite season for a number of reasons, one of which is football! I absolutely love football and it comes from years of watching it as a child and teenager with my daddy.
So I've been invited to go see a friend in Colorado and my doctor did tell me to take a much needed break and go somewhere. So my flight is booked and I'm going during my fall break from school. This particular friend was there for me when "the rug was pulled out from under me" last winter. He always knew how to make me laugh and try to forget about my current circumstance, even if just for a moment. And recently as I prayed about taking the trip God gave me permission but also gave me instructions. My friend doesn't attend church and his lifestyle would indicate that he doesn't have a personal relationship with the Lord. He may and it just doesn't show. I mean how many time have you or I lived our life in a way that others certainly wouldn't consider us Christians? So I don't judge my friend, I pray for him often. And God's instructions were for me to go and enjoy the scenery and my friend's company but to witness to him.
In Philemon, Paul and Timothy write "I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ." Philemon, verses 4-6 My young pastor at White Station Baptist has preached and preached, talked and discussed with us as members to be witnesses. Going out every day of our lives and witnessing to people who do not know the Lord. Are you? I know I could do so much more than my lazy self has been doing. I've even been asked by that same pastor to start a college/singles group. One of my gifts is that I never meet a stranger and I have no problem approaching people.
So my question to you is this, are you witnessing for Christ and are you using your gifts and talents for the glory of God? I'm excited about my trip to see the Rocky Mountains and anxious because I want my friend to truly understand why I live a life of purity. I want him to meet my best friend, Jesus Christ. If I'm a true friend to my friend in Colorado I'll introduce him to Christ and won't be able to wait to do the introductions.
Please pray for me as I ask God to make my life a bolder testimony for Him. And that I will not be ashamed to share my faith with people I meet every day. God is already molding me and making me into the person He would have me be for His glory. Now He is equipping me with the tools I need to get this done.
This fall weather is wonderful. Fall has always been my favorite season for a number of reasons, one of which is football! I absolutely love football and it comes from years of watching it as a child and teenager with my daddy.
So I've been invited to go see a friend in Colorado and my doctor did tell me to take a much needed break and go somewhere. So my flight is booked and I'm going during my fall break from school. This particular friend was there for me when "the rug was pulled out from under me" last winter. He always knew how to make me laugh and try to forget about my current circumstance, even if just for a moment. And recently as I prayed about taking the trip God gave me permission but also gave me instructions. My friend doesn't attend church and his lifestyle would indicate that he doesn't have a personal relationship with the Lord. He may and it just doesn't show. I mean how many time have you or I lived our life in a way that others certainly wouldn't consider us Christians? So I don't judge my friend, I pray for him often. And God's instructions were for me to go and enjoy the scenery and my friend's company but to witness to him.
In Philemon, Paul and Timothy write "I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ." Philemon, verses 4-6 My young pastor at White Station Baptist has preached and preached, talked and discussed with us as members to be witnesses. Going out every day of our lives and witnessing to people who do not know the Lord. Are you? I know I could do so much more than my lazy self has been doing. I've even been asked by that same pastor to start a college/singles group. One of my gifts is that I never meet a stranger and I have no problem approaching people.
So my question to you is this, are you witnessing for Christ and are you using your gifts and talents for the glory of God? I'm excited about my trip to see the Rocky Mountains and anxious because I want my friend to truly understand why I live a life of purity. I want him to meet my best friend, Jesus Christ. If I'm a true friend to my friend in Colorado I'll introduce him to Christ and won't be able to wait to do the introductions.
Please pray for me as I ask God to make my life a bolder testimony for Him. And that I will not be ashamed to share my faith with people I meet every day. God is already molding me and making me into the person He would have me be for His glory. Now He is equipping me with the tools I need to get this done.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Allow God to Change You!
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Yesterday I took a trip down to the river, the Mississippi and Wolf Rivers, that is. My brother is in town taking care of some personal business and so to get him out we decided to go walk around in Jefferson Davis park and talk. I thought as we visited that it is time to wind this blogspot subject down and it seemed fitting b/c we ended up down by the river.
Mom and I are planning a trip to Mud Island this weekend. Kind of like our trip to the zoo it's part of the Locust Project I'm wanting to start. Mom asked me the other night how that was going. I have to admit that I've been so involved with keeping my grades up and my reading caught up for class that I have not worked on the project much at all. Mom seemed a little disappointed but then come up with her own idea which thrilled me to death. She's wanting to write some for the blogspot. I welcome the idea completely. This will give a perspective of her side of everything we went through over the years and recently.
I am reminded of 2 verses we studied Sunday morning in worship service. Hebrews 3:7-8 "Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says, 'Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion, on the day of testing in the wilderness'." Pastor Kenny Carr reminded us of a warning, "What could happen if you don't let God change you? You set yourself up to the danger of a hardening heart." My experience with moving to Memphis and regaining a meaningful relationship with my mother is my way of allowing God to change me.
Yesterday I took a trip down to the river, the Mississippi and Wolf Rivers, that is. My brother is in town taking care of some personal business and so to get him out we decided to go walk around in Jefferson Davis park and talk. I thought as we visited that it is time to wind this blogspot subject down and it seemed fitting b/c we ended up down by the river.
Mom and I are planning a trip to Mud Island this weekend. Kind of like our trip to the zoo it's part of the Locust Project I'm wanting to start. Mom asked me the other night how that was going. I have to admit that I've been so involved with keeping my grades up and my reading caught up for class that I have not worked on the project much at all. Mom seemed a little disappointed but then come up with her own idea which thrilled me to death. She's wanting to write some for the blogspot. I welcome the idea completely. This will give a perspective of her side of everything we went through over the years and recently.
I am reminded of 2 verses we studied Sunday morning in worship service. Hebrews 3:7-8 "Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says, 'Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion, on the day of testing in the wilderness'." Pastor Kenny Carr reminded us of a warning, "What could happen if you don't let God change you? You set yourself up to the danger of a hardening heart." My experience with moving to Memphis and regaining a meaningful relationship with my mother is my way of allowing God to change me.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Where have I been?!?
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Wow! I just took a week off from here. Was I missed? It would be interesting to know who truly looks forward to my rantings. Drop me a comment and tell me how this blog has helped you or what you enjoy about it. I am devoting more of my time to studying and doing well in school. The real reason I haven't been on here in a week is because I'm not tech savvy and Ceily, my 8 year old little girl, was playing with my laptop last weekend and accidentally shut off my wireless capabilities. I wasn't sure how to turn it back on but the guy at the office supply store helped me out last night.
I've learned so much in the last week that I didn't miss the Internet half as much as I thought I might. Funny how our life can be filled with other things and we think nothing of not keeping our regular routine. I did miss blogging a little bit but I had lots of reading to do for my 2 journalism classes where they give a pop quiz every week! My literary hertiage class is my favorite, the stories we read for discussion are really out there in terms of content.
I'm getting ready to go to my 2nd University of Memphis football game. My step dad is going with me this time. I anticipate we will have loads of fun b/c we both love football.
Back to the "our life can be filled with other things" topic. My tennis shoes had started wearing out about a month ago and it was starting to hurt my back to walk so I put walking on hold for about a month. I was blessed to be able to buy a new pair of walking shoes but in the process of not walking I gained some weight. I workout at a local Curves and today we did my weight and measurements and compared them to earlier this summer in June....my results were awful! I've gained some weight and inches! So my goal now is to get serious about these last 30-35 pounds I want off and do it by the end of this year! I've done the Curves diet before in 2005 and lost a good amount of weight and it's easy to do. So I'm going to stock up and prepare to DIET on Monday. I know I can do this, I've lost over 65 pounds in a year and a half without really trying. So to diet to lose these last 35 will make a positive impression on me. I will remember what it took to get it off and won't easily stuff my mouth with junk. That's been my problem lately, eating junk I don't have any business touching let alone eating!
So what did you want to finish this year? You've got a little over 3 months to do it. It isn't too late to finish what you started, is it? Go for it! Finish what you started or get started!
Wow! I just took a week off from here. Was I missed? It would be interesting to know who truly looks forward to my rantings. Drop me a comment and tell me how this blog has helped you or what you enjoy about it. I am devoting more of my time to studying and doing well in school. The real reason I haven't been on here in a week is because I'm not tech savvy and Ceily, my 8 year old little girl, was playing with my laptop last weekend and accidentally shut off my wireless capabilities. I wasn't sure how to turn it back on but the guy at the office supply store helped me out last night.
I've learned so much in the last week that I didn't miss the Internet half as much as I thought I might. Funny how our life can be filled with other things and we think nothing of not keeping our regular routine. I did miss blogging a little bit but I had lots of reading to do for my 2 journalism classes where they give a pop quiz every week! My literary hertiage class is my favorite, the stories we read for discussion are really out there in terms of content.
I'm getting ready to go to my 2nd University of Memphis football game. My step dad is going with me this time. I anticipate we will have loads of fun b/c we both love football.
Back to the "our life can be filled with other things" topic. My tennis shoes had started wearing out about a month ago and it was starting to hurt my back to walk so I put walking on hold for about a month. I was blessed to be able to buy a new pair of walking shoes but in the process of not walking I gained some weight. I workout at a local Curves and today we did my weight and measurements and compared them to earlier this summer in June....my results were awful! I've gained some weight and inches! So my goal now is to get serious about these last 30-35 pounds I want off and do it by the end of this year! I've done the Curves diet before in 2005 and lost a good amount of weight and it's easy to do. So I'm going to stock up and prepare to DIET on Monday. I know I can do this, I've lost over 65 pounds in a year and a half without really trying. So to diet to lose these last 35 will make a positive impression on me. I will remember what it took to get it off and won't easily stuff my mouth with junk. That's been my problem lately, eating junk I don't have any business touching let alone eating!
So what did you want to finish this year? You've got a little over 3 months to do it. It isn't too late to finish what you started, is it? Go for it! Finish what you started or get started!
Thursday, September 10, 2009
I know how to make the sadness go away...
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Today I’m going to share with you an introduction to a book called Wide Awake by Erwin McManus. This introduction says everything about what we yearn to be, to do, and it introduces the book well. Again maybe I’m being lazy by sharing someone else’s work but this is some good stuff to read. Enjoy.
“From M. Night Shyamalan’s film Unbreakable
David. (to Elijah) This morning was the first morning I can remember, that I didn’t open my eyes and feel that sadness…I thought the person who wrote that note had an answer for me.
Elijah. (to David) That little bit of sadness in the mornings you spoke of? I think I know what that is. Perhaps you ’re not doing what you’re suppose to be doing.
Unbreakable is a fictional story about a seemingly ordinary person who discovers he is nothing less than a superhero. This clever film is wrapped around the premise that graphic novels - comic books - are based on the exploits of individuals who live and work among us. It has been years since I saw this film, yet these lines have remained with me. They resonated far more deeply than I care to admit.
For years, I woke each day with a sadness I couldn’t shake, and then more sadness met me the moment I crawled out of bed. Thankfully, it is not so today. My best dreams are no longer wasted on my sleep. I find myself closing my eyes each night, eagerly waiting for tomorrow to come. There is nothing like feeling fully alive and dreaming wide awake. I am living a life beyond my wildest dreams - and I had some wild dreams.
Yet every day, I meet people who appear happy and are by every perceivable measure successful - but in the mornings, just before they face the world, they are greeted by that little bit of sadness. Los Angeles, my home, is filled with stark reminders that even for the most talented and ambitious, fulfillment can be elusive if not impossible to find. It is here, where Marilyn Monroe and James Dean serve as our icons, that we find the boulevard of broken dreams.
Many of us struggle to find a dream that doesn’t turn out to be a nightmare. Or we find ourselves shipwrecked when our dreams come true, but they were nothing like what we thought. We were sure this was the life we always wanted - the life we would kill for. Instead, it almost kills us.
For fifteen years, I have served as the spiritual and life mentor for our community of faith known as Mosaic. Thousands of deeply sincere, passionate, talented, bright, and immensely gifted people journey with us in pursuing the life God has created us to live. They are people with great dreams and the courage to back them up. But the process of finding the right dream and then moving it into life sometimes keeps them from making their dreams a reality. With an average age of twenty-five, our community is 90 percent energy and 10 percent experience. These are the cream of the crop, and sharing life together has reinforced the need for Wide Awake - because even the best of us can find turning our dreams into reality elusive and even overwhelming.
For a long time I have felt the weight of calling people to pursue their dreams, to take great risks, and to live a life beyond their imagination. But the devil, of course, is in the details - or in this case, in the process. Many people have told me they are now in hot pursuit of dreams long forgotten, but just as many ask me to please explain how exactly they can make their dreams a reality.
There are too many amazing people with unfilled lives and unfulfilled dreams. It’s as if I keep meeting M. Night’s David, who has yet to discover he is more than he knows. I many not know you personally, but this I know about you without question - there is a hero within you waiting to be awakened.”
How many days do you awake to the “sadness” Erwin McManus was talking about? I understand b/c only just recently did I awaken each day to greet the sadness and go about my day as if that sadness was just a part of life and I had to deal with it any way I could. I finally had to realize that God was in control of everything and I needed to give Him control of everything in my life. When I decided to stop controlling my own life and allow God to do it, the sadness finally disappeared. Each day is now met with all kinds of possibilities. And I still have days when it isn’t the greatest joy to get up but I still know Who is in control of it all and it is NOT me any longer. God can and will take care of everything in your life if only you would get out of His way and let Him do what He knows is best for you. Once you surrender everything to God in Faith knowing He will take care of it all, the weight of the world will come crumbling off your shoulders and you will see a physical, psychological, and emotional difference throughout your whole being.
Today I’m going to share with you an introduction to a book called Wide Awake by Erwin McManus. This introduction says everything about what we yearn to be, to do, and it introduces the book well. Again maybe I’m being lazy by sharing someone else’s work but this is some good stuff to read. Enjoy.
“From M. Night Shyamalan’s film Unbreakable
David. (to Elijah) This morning was the first morning I can remember, that I didn’t open my eyes and feel that sadness…I thought the person who wrote that note had an answer for me.
Elijah. (to David) That little bit of sadness in the mornings you spoke of? I think I know what that is. Perhaps you ’re not doing what you’re suppose to be doing.
Unbreakable is a fictional story about a seemingly ordinary person who discovers he is nothing less than a superhero. This clever film is wrapped around the premise that graphic novels - comic books - are based on the exploits of individuals who live and work among us. It has been years since I saw this film, yet these lines have remained with me. They resonated far more deeply than I care to admit.
For years, I woke each day with a sadness I couldn’t shake, and then more sadness met me the moment I crawled out of bed. Thankfully, it is not so today. My best dreams are no longer wasted on my sleep. I find myself closing my eyes each night, eagerly waiting for tomorrow to come. There is nothing like feeling fully alive and dreaming wide awake. I am living a life beyond my wildest dreams - and I had some wild dreams.
Yet every day, I meet people who appear happy and are by every perceivable measure successful - but in the mornings, just before they face the world, they are greeted by that little bit of sadness. Los Angeles, my home, is filled with stark reminders that even for the most talented and ambitious, fulfillment can be elusive if not impossible to find. It is here, where Marilyn Monroe and James Dean serve as our icons, that we find the boulevard of broken dreams.
Many of us struggle to find a dream that doesn’t turn out to be a nightmare. Or we find ourselves shipwrecked when our dreams come true, but they were nothing like what we thought. We were sure this was the life we always wanted - the life we would kill for. Instead, it almost kills us.
For fifteen years, I have served as the spiritual and life mentor for our community of faith known as Mosaic. Thousands of deeply sincere, passionate, talented, bright, and immensely gifted people journey with us in pursuing the life God has created us to live. They are people with great dreams and the courage to back them up. But the process of finding the right dream and then moving it into life sometimes keeps them from making their dreams a reality. With an average age of twenty-five, our community is 90 percent energy and 10 percent experience. These are the cream of the crop, and sharing life together has reinforced the need for Wide Awake - because even the best of us can find turning our dreams into reality elusive and even overwhelming.
For a long time I have felt the weight of calling people to pursue their dreams, to take great risks, and to live a life beyond their imagination. But the devil, of course, is in the details - or in this case, in the process. Many people have told me they are now in hot pursuit of dreams long forgotten, but just as many ask me to please explain how exactly they can make their dreams a reality.
There are too many amazing people with unfilled lives and unfulfilled dreams. It’s as if I keep meeting M. Night’s David, who has yet to discover he is more than he knows. I many not know you personally, but this I know about you without question - there is a hero within you waiting to be awakened.”
How many days do you awake to the “sadness” Erwin McManus was talking about? I understand b/c only just recently did I awaken each day to greet the sadness and go about my day as if that sadness was just a part of life and I had to deal with it any way I could. I finally had to realize that God was in control of everything and I needed to give Him control of everything in my life. When I decided to stop controlling my own life and allow God to do it, the sadness finally disappeared. Each day is now met with all kinds of possibilities. And I still have days when it isn’t the greatest joy to get up but I still know Who is in control of it all and it is NOT me any longer. God can and will take care of everything in your life if only you would get out of His way and let Him do what He knows is best for you. Once you surrender everything to God in Faith knowing He will take care of it all, the weight of the world will come crumbling off your shoulders and you will see a physical, psychological, and emotional difference throughout your whole being.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
MOVE THAT MOUNTAIN!
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
So I’ve been asked to pray about starting a college/singles group at the church I attend in Memphis. Actually it is the church I’ve decided to join b/c I need to be involved with a church family that will hold me accountable to my attendance, as well as my service to the Lord. So back to the singles group thing. Why me? I guess b/c I am single and I know how to meet strangers on the street, I can get them to join a church group based on being single and/or in college. The pastor seems to think it will be fun and it will but there has to be lots of planning and inviting done ahead of time in order for something like this to work. Am I cut out for it going to school? Sure, I just need to start each day with a better schedule and life will work out just fine. I’m only taking 3 classes this semester b/c I still haven’t gotten that MMR shot I need. I’m getting it on September 25th when I go back to my hometown for a visit. (I go back this weekend too, whoop, whoop!)
I try to think about what would be part of a college/singles group and the only thing that comes to mind is serving LOTS of free pizza and cookies! College kids will eat up millions of pounds of pizza the next few months. I don’t know the numbers on those statistics but I do know they eat lots of food and especially if it is FREE! I was shocked by what the University of Memphis’ Tiger Den has to offer in the way of food. There was absolutely no cafeteria food in there, it was all conveince food and some sandwiches like a deli would make but no food like I experienced in high school or just 10 years ago when I was a college student. Where did it go? No wonder obesity is an issue in this country especially if every college campus offers food like that. I know in my hometown that the newly named Bethel University offers cafeteria type food along with some other stuff but those items are offered inside the student center but inside University of Memphis’ Tiger Den which is their cafeteria you have all these convenience food places grouped together as the choices for food. Okay, how did I end up talking about all of this off the subject stuff?
I’m still praying about a ministry for college/singles at my new home church in Memphis. I’m not confused about how to do it but I am curious as to what to do to make the how happen. Did that make sense? I’m not really doing a whole lot at White Station Baptist to serve the Lord so I’m excited to be asked to do this. I just really want to be able to put the time and effort into doing the ministry and it be successful. If you have any ideas PLEASE share them with me. I’ve got a couple of things in mind and I’m also going to hook up with the Baptist Student Ministries on campus for help in getting the word out about our new ministry and for any ideas about how to begin this type of ministry. I’m a “non-traditional” student (which means I’m not college age going during the typical college years) and I’m thinking that will be an advantage for me.
Tonight at church we read Matthew 21:18-22 and if we ask God in faith for our “mountains” to be removed, they will come tumbling down. “Truly, I say to you , if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen. And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” Matthew 21:21-22 ESV We were asked do we really expect God to move when we ask Him to move the mountain?
So I’ve been asked to pray about starting a college/singles group at the church I attend in Memphis. Actually it is the church I’ve decided to join b/c I need to be involved with a church family that will hold me accountable to my attendance, as well as my service to the Lord. So back to the singles group thing. Why me? I guess b/c I am single and I know how to meet strangers on the street, I can get them to join a church group based on being single and/or in college. The pastor seems to think it will be fun and it will but there has to be lots of planning and inviting done ahead of time in order for something like this to work. Am I cut out for it going to school? Sure, I just need to start each day with a better schedule and life will work out just fine. I’m only taking 3 classes this semester b/c I still haven’t gotten that MMR shot I need. I’m getting it on September 25th when I go back to my hometown for a visit. (I go back this weekend too, whoop, whoop!)
I try to think about what would be part of a college/singles group and the only thing that comes to mind is serving LOTS of free pizza and cookies! College kids will eat up millions of pounds of pizza the next few months. I don’t know the numbers on those statistics but I do know they eat lots of food and especially if it is FREE! I was shocked by what the University of Memphis’ Tiger Den has to offer in the way of food. There was absolutely no cafeteria food in there, it was all conveince food and some sandwiches like a deli would make but no food like I experienced in high school or just 10 years ago when I was a college student. Where did it go? No wonder obesity is an issue in this country especially if every college campus offers food like that. I know in my hometown that the newly named Bethel University offers cafeteria type food along with some other stuff but those items are offered inside the student center but inside University of Memphis’ Tiger Den which is their cafeteria you have all these convenience food places grouped together as the choices for food. Okay, how did I end up talking about all of this off the subject stuff?
I’m still praying about a ministry for college/singles at my new home church in Memphis. I’m not confused about how to do it but I am curious as to what to do to make the how happen. Did that make sense? I’m not really doing a whole lot at White Station Baptist to serve the Lord so I’m excited to be asked to do this. I just really want to be able to put the time and effort into doing the ministry and it be successful. If you have any ideas PLEASE share them with me. I’ve got a couple of things in mind and I’m also going to hook up with the Baptist Student Ministries on campus for help in getting the word out about our new ministry and for any ideas about how to begin this type of ministry. I’m a “non-traditional” student (which means I’m not college age going during the typical college years) and I’m thinking that will be an advantage for me.
Tonight at church we read Matthew 21:18-22 and if we ask God in faith for our “mountains” to be removed, they will come tumbling down. “Truly, I say to you , if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen. And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.” Matthew 21:21-22 ESV We were asked do we really expect God to move when we ask Him to move the mountain?
Monday, September 7, 2009
Your Behavior
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I found a beautiful piece written by an unknown author titled, When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking. “When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another one. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I thought it was good to be kind to animals. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make my favorite cake just for me, and I knew that little things are special things. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I heard you say a prayer and I believed there is a God I could always talk to. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I felt you kiss me goodnight, and I felt loved. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it’s all right to cry. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I looked…and wanted to say thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.”
Many of us have had this person in our life either as a mother or father or grandparent or maybe even an aunt or uncle has done these nice things for our life. In my life, I’ve had the privilege of many people in my family doing this for me in numerous ways. I’ve even had teachers and Christian leaders do this for me. “When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking”…have you been this to anyone? Think about that. If you have children you should be this for your children with no problem. Children watch our every move and they mimic what we do as they grow older. Believe me, I know, I have a 14 year-old daughter and I see my own behaviors in her. Some of it is hereditary b/c I see her daddy in her also but most of our behaviors are learned behaviors. Think about that statement for a minute too. Behavior is learned. Be aware of yours.
Proverbs 1:20-33
“Wisdom cries aloud in the street, in the markets she raises her voice; at the head of the noisy streets she cries out; at the entrance of the city gates she speaks; ‘How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple? How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing and fools hate knowledge? If you turn at my reproof, behold I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you. Because I have called and you refused to listen, have stretched out my hand and no one has heeded, because you have ignored all my counsel and would have none of my reproof, I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when terror strikes you , when terror strikes you like a storm and your calamity comes like a whirlwind, when distress and anguish come upon you. Then they will call upon me, but I will not answer; they will seek me diligently but will not find me. Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the Lord, would have none of my counsel and despised all my reproof, therefore they shall eat the fruit of their way, and have their fill of their own devices. For the simple are killed by their turning away, and the complacency of fools destroys them; but whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of disaster’.” ESV
As a parent, my prayer for each of my 3 children is that they gain Godly wisdom and heed to its instruction. In my own life I pray for God’s wisdom to lead every facet of my life.
I found a beautiful piece written by an unknown author titled, When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking. “When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another one. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I thought it was good to be kind to animals. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you make my favorite cake just for me, and I knew that little things are special things. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I heard you say a prayer and I believed there is a God I could always talk to. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I felt you kiss me goodnight, and I felt loved. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw tears come from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it’s all right to cry. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be. When you thought I wasn’t looking, I looked…and wanted to say thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.”
Many of us have had this person in our life either as a mother or father or grandparent or maybe even an aunt or uncle has done these nice things for our life. In my life, I’ve had the privilege of many people in my family doing this for me in numerous ways. I’ve even had teachers and Christian leaders do this for me. “When You Thought I Wasn’t Looking”…have you been this to anyone? Think about that. If you have children you should be this for your children with no problem. Children watch our every move and they mimic what we do as they grow older. Believe me, I know, I have a 14 year-old daughter and I see my own behaviors in her. Some of it is hereditary b/c I see her daddy in her also but most of our behaviors are learned behaviors. Think about that statement for a minute too. Behavior is learned. Be aware of yours.
Proverbs 1:20-33
“Wisdom cries aloud in the street, in the markets she raises her voice; at the head of the noisy streets she cries out; at the entrance of the city gates she speaks; ‘How long, O simple ones, will you love being simple? How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing and fools hate knowledge? If you turn at my reproof, behold I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you. Because I have called and you refused to listen, have stretched out my hand and no one has heeded, because you have ignored all my counsel and would have none of my reproof, I also will laugh at your calamity; I will mock when terror strikes you , when terror strikes you like a storm and your calamity comes like a whirlwind, when distress and anguish come upon you. Then they will call upon me, but I will not answer; they will seek me diligently but will not find me. Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the Lord, would have none of my counsel and despised all my reproof, therefore they shall eat the fruit of their way, and have their fill of their own devices. For the simple are killed by their turning away, and the complacency of fools destroys them; but whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of disaster’.” ESV
As a parent, my prayer for each of my 3 children is that they gain Godly wisdom and heed to its instruction. In my own life I pray for God’s wisdom to lead every facet of my life.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Wonder & Faith
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
My new favorite Christian author is Michelle McKinney Hammond. Right now I'm finishing up her book titled How to be Blessed and Highly Favored. I don't know if I'm being lazy or I just really like what Michelle has to say but much of today's blogging will be from this book.
"One little word: faith. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
We put so much trust in technology and the ability of man without considering the likelihood that those things will disappoint us. How much more should we put our trust in God, who is truly able and faithful to do what He says? How can we be sure of what we hope for? How can we be certain of what we do not see? Because of the promise. God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? Numbers 23:19
What hinders our faith? Could it be our preconceived notions of how God should or will act in a situation? Could it be our personal timetable of when we think that He should come through? It amazes me how often we assume the way in which God will carry out His promise to us. We stand looking to the left, waiting to see Him come over the horizon. All the while He is coming from the right. But we cannot see him, so we decide He is not coming. At other times the clock on the mantel of our hearts chimes the hour, and in the deafening silence that follows we begin to undress and settle in for a night of weeping, concluding we've been stood up. Then He appears in the morning, bringing His joy with Him. When questioned as to why He didn't come the night before, He looks at us quizzically and answers, 'You never asked me when I was coming, so I believed you would wait'."
The best example of a person's faith from the Bible to study is Mary, Jesus' mother. Can you imagine being told what she was told about her virgin conception? I cannot fathom how she felt and then to trust it! I pray for that kind of faith on a daily basis since reading more about Mary's encounter with the angel Gabriel in the Beth Moore Study, Jesus, the One and Only. I am fascinated by her wonder and faith. She never once wavered in her belief of what God told her. I want that kind of faith, every day, every moment. I've had moments in my life when God has placed certain things on my heart that were wonderful and I couldn't enjoy them fully b/c of my lack of Mary-like wonder. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's a shame for Christians to live their walk with Jesus that way, with doubt. We should never doubt anything we know the Lord has told us. But we do don't we? I know we do, b/c I do it. I'm learning more and more to give God my doubt and allow Him to fill me with wonder from His Holy Spirit.
Father God, Right now in the name above all names, I ask for You to pour out Mary-like wonder into everyone who is reading this. May they know Your voice so well that they never question anything You tell them as it is in accordance to Your Will and Your Plan. Thank You for giving us Jesus so that we can have wonder and faith in everything You say You will do in our life and through our lives. Amen.
My new favorite Christian author is Michelle McKinney Hammond. Right now I'm finishing up her book titled How to be Blessed and Highly Favored. I don't know if I'm being lazy or I just really like what Michelle has to say but much of today's blogging will be from this book.
"One little word: faith. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1
We put so much trust in technology and the ability of man without considering the likelihood that those things will disappoint us. How much more should we put our trust in God, who is truly able and faithful to do what He says? How can we be sure of what we hope for? How can we be certain of what we do not see? Because of the promise. God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? Numbers 23:19
What hinders our faith? Could it be our preconceived notions of how God should or will act in a situation? Could it be our personal timetable of when we think that He should come through? It amazes me how often we assume the way in which God will carry out His promise to us. We stand looking to the left, waiting to see Him come over the horizon. All the while He is coming from the right. But we cannot see him, so we decide He is not coming. At other times the clock on the mantel of our hearts chimes the hour, and in the deafening silence that follows we begin to undress and settle in for a night of weeping, concluding we've been stood up. Then He appears in the morning, bringing His joy with Him. When questioned as to why He didn't come the night before, He looks at us quizzically and answers, 'You never asked me when I was coming, so I believed you would wait'."
The best example of a person's faith from the Bible to study is Mary, Jesus' mother. Can you imagine being told what she was told about her virgin conception? I cannot fathom how she felt and then to trust it! I pray for that kind of faith on a daily basis since reading more about Mary's encounter with the angel Gabriel in the Beth Moore Study, Jesus, the One and Only. I am fascinated by her wonder and faith. She never once wavered in her belief of what God told her. I want that kind of faith, every day, every moment. I've had moments in my life when God has placed certain things on my heart that were wonderful and I couldn't enjoy them fully b/c of my lack of Mary-like wonder. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's a shame for Christians to live their walk with Jesus that way, with doubt. We should never doubt anything we know the Lord has told us. But we do don't we? I know we do, b/c I do it. I'm learning more and more to give God my doubt and allow Him to fill me with wonder from His Holy Spirit.
Father God, Right now in the name above all names, I ask for You to pour out Mary-like wonder into everyone who is reading this. May they know Your voice so well that they never question anything You tell them as it is in accordance to Your Will and Your Plan. Thank You for giving us Jesus so that we can have wonder and faith in everything You say You will do in our life and through our lives. Amen.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
I feel like I've started kindergarten.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
So I have over 100 credit hours toward my college degree and I feel like I'm starting kindergarten. Apparently since I was last in college (Dec. 1999) the State of Tennessee has passed a new law requiring any student who is full time at a university to prove your MMR shot record. Well so I thought I had it covered by having the high school where I attended send my immunization record to the university I'm attending. The issue was getting me approved to take more than 11 course hours this semester b/c of the immunization record. Well guess what?!? I've only had one of the MMR shot series and require a second one b/c I was born after 1957 and graduated from a Tennessee high school before 1999. So I get to go and get a shot tomorrow in order to register for the other class I'm taking. When I was on the phone with student health services and found out I was going to have to get a shot I asked, "Is it gonna hurt?" I felt like a little 5 year old having to go get my shots done for school. I guess by this time tomorrow I'll know if it hurt or not.
How many times in life have we asked God, is this gonna hurt? Or do we wonder if it is gonna hurt, either physically, emotionally, or even mentally? Life hurts but if we know God is in control of what hurts and He has our best interest in His plan it all works for His good. Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." ESV Sometimes we have to go through pain in order to understand who we truly are in Christ. God never said it wouldn't hurt, He promises to be there for us through those times when the pain seems unbearable.
So tomorrow as I go to the Shot Nurse to get an immunization, I'm thinking about asking my mother to go with me for added effect. What do you think? She might enjoy watching me wince in physical pain a little bit and then when we're done we can go out for some ice cream. Maybe they'll be handing out balloons at the doctor's office.
So I have over 100 credit hours toward my college degree and I feel like I'm starting kindergarten. Apparently since I was last in college (Dec. 1999) the State of Tennessee has passed a new law requiring any student who is full time at a university to prove your MMR shot record. Well so I thought I had it covered by having the high school where I attended send my immunization record to the university I'm attending. The issue was getting me approved to take more than 11 course hours this semester b/c of the immunization record. Well guess what?!? I've only had one of the MMR shot series and require a second one b/c I was born after 1957 and graduated from a Tennessee high school before 1999. So I get to go and get a shot tomorrow in order to register for the other class I'm taking. When I was on the phone with student health services and found out I was going to have to get a shot I asked, "Is it gonna hurt?" I felt like a little 5 year old having to go get my shots done for school. I guess by this time tomorrow I'll know if it hurt or not.
How many times in life have we asked God, is this gonna hurt? Or do we wonder if it is gonna hurt, either physically, emotionally, or even mentally? Life hurts but if we know God is in control of what hurts and He has our best interest in His plan it all works for His good. Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." ESV Sometimes we have to go through pain in order to understand who we truly are in Christ. God never said it wouldn't hurt, He promises to be there for us through those times when the pain seems unbearable.
So tomorrow as I go to the Shot Nurse to get an immunization, I'm thinking about asking my mother to go with me for added effect. What do you think? She might enjoy watching me wince in physical pain a little bit and then when we're done we can go out for some ice cream. Maybe they'll be handing out balloons at the doctor's office.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
What are you truly passionate about?! Find it!!!
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I love days like today. I was about 3 days late getting started with my college courses b/c I was waiting for one of my last transcripts to come in. But today was the day, I got registered and my ID made and went to the bookstore to price my books. I am super excited! It has been 10 years since I put my education on hold to stay home and raise my children. I'm excited also about the major I'm studying. Public Relations.
As my admissions counselor went over my transcripts I was really impressed that I have more credit hours than I thought. I told my grandmother that I could possibly graduate by May but then I started looking at my major and was a little disappointed at the credit hours I have to make up in my major. Anyway, at least I'm moving forward again and I cannot contain my excitement over it.
I tried to get all of my classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays but it didn't work out that way. So I have to give up my volunteer work with the American Red Cross, for now. My schedule won't allow me to go to McKenzie every other month to do blood drives. Sometimes we have to weigh the benefits with what we are giving our time to. My education has been something I've wanted to complete for many years but raising my children was more important. Now having my education is a pressing matter compared to my volunteer work. I've volunteered a number of years for Relay for Life also. My volunteer heart speaks for itself.
So tonight at church Brother Jeff challenged us to find something we were passionate about and turn it into something that brings glory to God's Kingdom and helps further His Kingdom. You had to be there tonight as Brother Jeff was truly calling us to "get focused on Christ". He had me laughing out loud when he said and I wrote it down to quote him, "Let's read scripture and do what it says not just read the by-laws and do what they say." The church where I just moved my membership to in Memphis is a small but loving Baptist church in the heart of the city or inside the 240 loop as they say. We should "look at our gifts and passions as we look at Jesus and get them to line up." God is able to share in abundance what you need in order to do what you have a passion for. Brother Jeff wanted us to ask ourselves what is He calling me to be a part of RIGHT NOW.
The scripture we studied to go along with this was 2 Corinthians 9:6-11. As I draw this entry to a close I will soon be changing this blogspot to The Locust Project. My passion is to help people who have lost years with their mothers due to what the locust have eaten or, as in my case, taken away. God is a God of restoral. My mother and me are proof of that. I'm having so much fun with her every day of my life.
I love days like today. I was about 3 days late getting started with my college courses b/c I was waiting for one of my last transcripts to come in. But today was the day, I got registered and my ID made and went to the bookstore to price my books. I am super excited! It has been 10 years since I put my education on hold to stay home and raise my children. I'm excited also about the major I'm studying. Public Relations.
As my admissions counselor went over my transcripts I was really impressed that I have more credit hours than I thought. I told my grandmother that I could possibly graduate by May but then I started looking at my major and was a little disappointed at the credit hours I have to make up in my major. Anyway, at least I'm moving forward again and I cannot contain my excitement over it.
I tried to get all of my classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays but it didn't work out that way. So I have to give up my volunteer work with the American Red Cross, for now. My schedule won't allow me to go to McKenzie every other month to do blood drives. Sometimes we have to weigh the benefits with what we are giving our time to. My education has been something I've wanted to complete for many years but raising my children was more important. Now having my education is a pressing matter compared to my volunteer work. I've volunteered a number of years for Relay for Life also. My volunteer heart speaks for itself.
So tonight at church Brother Jeff challenged us to find something we were passionate about and turn it into something that brings glory to God's Kingdom and helps further His Kingdom. You had to be there tonight as Brother Jeff was truly calling us to "get focused on Christ". He had me laughing out loud when he said and I wrote it down to quote him, "Let's read scripture and do what it says not just read the by-laws and do what they say." The church where I just moved my membership to in Memphis is a small but loving Baptist church in the heart of the city or inside the 240 loop as they say. We should "look at our gifts and passions as we look at Jesus and get them to line up." God is able to share in abundance what you need in order to do what you have a passion for. Brother Jeff wanted us to ask ourselves what is He calling me to be a part of RIGHT NOW.
The scripture we studied to go along with this was 2 Corinthians 9:6-11. As I draw this entry to a close I will soon be changing this blogspot to The Locust Project. My passion is to help people who have lost years with their mothers due to what the locust have eaten or, as in my case, taken away. God is a God of restoral. My mother and me are proof of that. I'm having so much fun with her every day of my life.
Monday, August 31, 2009
God Heals the Broken Hearted
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Visited some friends today that I've not seen in a while. One was actually my high school freshman English teacher and drama coach. We had lunch at a local cafe and when we finished her and her husband invited me to take a look at their library. I love libraries, books period are just a fetish of mine. I'd spend all day in a book store over shopping for clothes and shoes any day of the week. I just don't enjoy shopping but looking at books for hours on end is one of my favorite things to do. My friends sent me from their library with 2 book bag loads of books. I'm so excited about diving into them.
One of the books had a very wise piece of advice about absence written in it. From Gospel Medicine by Barbara Brown Taylor, "One thing is for sure: there is no sense of absence where there has been no sense of presence. What makes absence hurt, what makes it ache, is the memory of what used to be there but is no longer......You cannot miss what you have never known, which makes our sense of absence - and especially our sense of God's absence - the very best proof that we knew God once, and that we may know God again. There is loss in absence, but there is also hope, because what happened once can happen again and only an empty cup can be filled. It is only when we pull that cup out of hiding, when we own up to the emptiness, the absence, the longing inside - it is only then that things can begin to change."
Some may question why I put the part about "that we knew God once, and that we may know God again". We've had times in our walk with God that we get away from the closeness we once had with Him. In my case I once became so mad at God I didn't want to have anything to do with Him. And I did miss Him when I was able to realize I had pushed Him away and He wasn't there like He use to be. God is a gentleman, He is never going to force Himself into your life without your permission.
I also know from experience that God is always with us when we are heartbroken. Filling up the void that seems like a huge hole inside our heart. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
Isaiah 40:11 "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." I am reassured in my brokenness knowing that God cares for me when my heart aches and hurts. God knows what is next and He knows what is best for me.
Visited some friends today that I've not seen in a while. One was actually my high school freshman English teacher and drama coach. We had lunch at a local cafe and when we finished her and her husband invited me to take a look at their library. I love libraries, books period are just a fetish of mine. I'd spend all day in a book store over shopping for clothes and shoes any day of the week. I just don't enjoy shopping but looking at books for hours on end is one of my favorite things to do. My friends sent me from their library with 2 book bag loads of books. I'm so excited about diving into them.
One of the books had a very wise piece of advice about absence written in it. From Gospel Medicine by Barbara Brown Taylor, "One thing is for sure: there is no sense of absence where there has been no sense of presence. What makes absence hurt, what makes it ache, is the memory of what used to be there but is no longer......You cannot miss what you have never known, which makes our sense of absence - and especially our sense of God's absence - the very best proof that we knew God once, and that we may know God again. There is loss in absence, but there is also hope, because what happened once can happen again and only an empty cup can be filled. It is only when we pull that cup out of hiding, when we own up to the emptiness, the absence, the longing inside - it is only then that things can begin to change."
Some may question why I put the part about "that we knew God once, and that we may know God again". We've had times in our walk with God that we get away from the closeness we once had with Him. In my case I once became so mad at God I didn't want to have anything to do with Him. And I did miss Him when I was able to realize I had pushed Him away and He wasn't there like He use to be. God is a gentleman, He is never going to force Himself into your life without your permission.
I also know from experience that God is always with us when we are heartbroken. Filling up the void that seems like a huge hole inside our heart. "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18
Isaiah 40:11 "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." I am reassured in my brokenness knowing that God cares for me when my heart aches and hurts. God knows what is next and He knows what is best for me.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Believing the Unbelievable
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
"And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord." Luke 1:45 (KJV)
I'm blogging tonight on account of my best friend, Andrea. I was just not in the mood yesterday and tonight I don't feel like saying anything. I think I just want to have a nice quiet pity party all by myself. Is that okay sometimes? To not always be happy and smiling and everything coming up roses?
So I love this verse and I got the title of this blog from a chapter out of a book I'm reading by Michelle McKinney Hammond, How to be Blessed and Highly Favored. In the first chapter of Luke, Mary has just been told she will carry the Almighty God's son and be His mother. And she believed what she was told and without hesitation she praised God for what He told her. How many of us doubt the little things God tells us about our life? I know I'm guilty of it or I maul it over in my mind so much it has been 'handled' too much to even recognize what it was I told to begin with. Am I making any sense to anyone? What I'm trying to say is that as children of God we have GOT to believe Him who tells us the truth and stop trying to recreate our own truth.
Recently God truly blessed my heart with some information and even now when I laugh about it, God wants to tease me into being 'doubting Sarah' (from the Old Testament) but I assure Him I am in wonder and awe much like Mary was about her news. No my news is not that I'm pregnant but my news is from God and certainly can be thought of as truly unbelievable but I believe the One who told me, completely. I trust the Lord knows what He is doing and I'm not going to get in His way or doubt Him anymore.
I'm getting ready to change the subject of this blog, again. It's my adult ADHD everything will be fine. Changing stuff up helps my mind with all its swirling ideas! lol Anyway, it may take me a week or two to decide on what I'm doing but it's okay. Hey here's a funny one, I just picked up the book titled God Will Make a Way What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do. Maybe there's a few cool ideas inside those pages. We'll see. For those you who truly do care about me, I'm okay. I miss my children tremendously but I am being obedient to God with the choices I've made. I just have feelings and emotions like everyone else in the world and I can't pretend that I'm always happy and doing fine. God has sustained me through this tragedy and He will continue to do so. I'm healing from a lifetime of missed moments with my mother so there is a flip side to this and that is a nice blessing in my life. She is so much fun and she makes me laugh so hard sometimes I can't make it to the bathroom!!!! TMI My mom is the best and God is blessing us with our time together. She even misses me when I come to McKenzie to visit my children and family. Other than that I'm believing God for everything He is going to do in my life. He is so amazing how He works our life's pain out for the best in His plan.
"And blessed is she that believed: for there shall be a performance of those things which were told her from the Lord." Luke 1:45 (KJV)
I'm blogging tonight on account of my best friend, Andrea. I was just not in the mood yesterday and tonight I don't feel like saying anything. I think I just want to have a nice quiet pity party all by myself. Is that okay sometimes? To not always be happy and smiling and everything coming up roses?
So I love this verse and I got the title of this blog from a chapter out of a book I'm reading by Michelle McKinney Hammond, How to be Blessed and Highly Favored. In the first chapter of Luke, Mary has just been told she will carry the Almighty God's son and be His mother. And she believed what she was told and without hesitation she praised God for what He told her. How many of us doubt the little things God tells us about our life? I know I'm guilty of it or I maul it over in my mind so much it has been 'handled' too much to even recognize what it was I told to begin with. Am I making any sense to anyone? What I'm trying to say is that as children of God we have GOT to believe Him who tells us the truth and stop trying to recreate our own truth.
Recently God truly blessed my heart with some information and even now when I laugh about it, God wants to tease me into being 'doubting Sarah' (from the Old Testament) but I assure Him I am in wonder and awe much like Mary was about her news. No my news is not that I'm pregnant but my news is from God and certainly can be thought of as truly unbelievable but I believe the One who told me, completely. I trust the Lord knows what He is doing and I'm not going to get in His way or doubt Him anymore.
I'm getting ready to change the subject of this blog, again. It's my adult ADHD everything will be fine. Changing stuff up helps my mind with all its swirling ideas! lol Anyway, it may take me a week or two to decide on what I'm doing but it's okay. Hey here's a funny one, I just picked up the book titled God Will Make a Way What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do. Maybe there's a few cool ideas inside those pages. We'll see. For those you who truly do care about me, I'm okay. I miss my children tremendously but I am being obedient to God with the choices I've made. I just have feelings and emotions like everyone else in the world and I can't pretend that I'm always happy and doing fine. God has sustained me through this tragedy and He will continue to do so. I'm healing from a lifetime of missed moments with my mother so there is a flip side to this and that is a nice blessing in my life. She is so much fun and she makes me laugh so hard sometimes I can't make it to the bathroom!!!! TMI My mom is the best and God is blessing us with our time together. She even misses me when I come to McKenzie to visit my children and family. Other than that I'm believing God for everything He is going to do in my life. He is so amazing how He works our life's pain out for the best in His plan.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Sorrow is Better than Laughter
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
I'm getting ready to go to my star gazing spot. I feel really alone today. I don't know why b/c in the 2 years I've been separated and divorced I've not felt lonely. I know I said I felt alone today, but I also felt loneliness. Even now as I have prayed to my heavenly Father about knowing it is okay to be alone, I still feel loneliness - an aching inside my heart that won't go away. As a child when this feeling would creep in I would tell myself that God was going to make it all better one day and I wouldn't ever have to be alone again. And now as an adult I tell myself the same thing but it still doesn't help the hurt I feel.
I'm trying to be positive with this blogspot but sometimes we just have to be transparent and real. I HURT! I want to cry myself to sleep like a baby most nights. And I wonder if anyone besides my heavenly Father even cares. Then I dry my little tears up and pull myself up by my boot straps and get on with my life. As a kid and teenage girl whenever I was emotionally upset or hurt my dad would always tell me I was tough. My grandfather always encouraged me to pick my head up, stop looking down at the ground, and carry myself like the somebody I know I am. These 2 men heavily influenced my emotional heartache. Tough and proud. What a combination. Now all I want to do with both of these is stick them in a trash can somewhere so I can just sit and bawl my eyes out. Being alone has taught me that being tough is an asset and to always be mindful of where I've come from.
Ecclesiastes 7:3 "Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart."
Max Lucado states in his book It's Not About Me, "To say 'It's not about you' is not to say you aren't loved; quite the contrary. It's because God loves you that it's not about you. And, oh, what a love this is. It's 'too wonderful to be measured' (Ephesians 3:19 CEV). But though we cannot measure it, may I urge you to trust it? Some of you are so hungry for such love. Those who should have loved you didn't. Those who could have loved you wouldn't. You were left at the hospital. Left at the altar. Left with an empty bed. Left with a broken heart. Left with your question, 'Does anybody love me?' Please listen to heaven's answer. As you ponder him on the cross, hear God assure, 'I do.'"
I'm getting ready to go to my star gazing spot. I feel really alone today. I don't know why b/c in the 2 years I've been separated and divorced I've not felt lonely. I know I said I felt alone today, but I also felt loneliness. Even now as I have prayed to my heavenly Father about knowing it is okay to be alone, I still feel loneliness - an aching inside my heart that won't go away. As a child when this feeling would creep in I would tell myself that God was going to make it all better one day and I wouldn't ever have to be alone again. And now as an adult I tell myself the same thing but it still doesn't help the hurt I feel.
I'm trying to be positive with this blogspot but sometimes we just have to be transparent and real. I HURT! I want to cry myself to sleep like a baby most nights. And I wonder if anyone besides my heavenly Father even cares. Then I dry my little tears up and pull myself up by my boot straps and get on with my life. As a kid and teenage girl whenever I was emotionally upset or hurt my dad would always tell me I was tough. My grandfather always encouraged me to pick my head up, stop looking down at the ground, and carry myself like the somebody I know I am. These 2 men heavily influenced my emotional heartache. Tough and proud. What a combination. Now all I want to do with both of these is stick them in a trash can somewhere so I can just sit and bawl my eyes out. Being alone has taught me that being tough is an asset and to always be mindful of where I've come from.
Ecclesiastes 7:3 "Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart."
Max Lucado states in his book It's Not About Me, "To say 'It's not about you' is not to say you aren't loved; quite the contrary. It's because God loves you that it's not about you. And, oh, what a love this is. It's 'too wonderful to be measured' (Ephesians 3:19 CEV). But though we cannot measure it, may I urge you to trust it? Some of you are so hungry for such love. Those who should have loved you didn't. Those who could have loved you wouldn't. You were left at the hospital. Left at the altar. Left with an empty bed. Left with a broken heart. Left with your question, 'Does anybody love me?' Please listen to heaven's answer. As you ponder him on the cross, hear God assure, 'I do.'"
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Taking a look at the relay switch in our lives.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
How many of us have felt unconvinced by another person at some point or another? I mean, right now my own mother is madder than a hen dripped in hot water. Our air conditioner has went out for like the 5th or 6th time this summer. The problem is ants getting inside the relay and burning it out. The landlord is about to be get into an argument with my mother over something that she is too cheap to remedy the problem. An exterminator is all she needs to get rid of the problem but instead she would rather keep sending someone out to fix the same thing over and over again.
So I’m trying to examine my own life and sinful ways in this type of scenario. Asking God to forgive me for the sinful things I do when maybe the problem goes beyond me sinning and into what is in my life that causes the behavior in the first place. Many of us don’t look at the sin in our life as a recurring problem caused by what needs to be eliminated in our life. It could be a toxic person, friends who believe differently than you do, or a secret habit you keep in the closet away from everyone who knows you. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be around toxic people or have friends who believe differently but when we are in the presence of people who believe and behave differently than what our Bible tells us we should believe and behave then we should be prayed up for the Spirit of God to shine through.
I found a verse in Romans that describes some pretty lewd behavior but the verse after the description is how we should carry ourselves in this life. Romans 13:14,”Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” Our flesh wants to win every time, every day and we must keep our flesh under and remember that the Spirit of God lives within us if we have accepted Christ as our Savior.
My prayer is that God will find me all the time worshipping Him and wanting more and more of who He is in my life. When I decide to follow only God’s direction for my life, it is exciting! I sometimes think God is crazy for wanting to do in my life the things He has shown me but I am so excited about all of it! I strive to live a life that is free from the bondage of sin and strife. I ask the Lord to show me how to be merciful to those in my life who have harmed me and hurt me very deeply. And there are times when God just wants to be the only one to take care of those trials for me. I can’t argue with Him.
I will soon be wrapping this blogspot subject up. I will work on another blogspot and continue to post under this name but I will be changing from Down By the River. I’ve enjoyed this time with my mother and getting to have special time with her daily in my life. God is so amazing at bringing our life back to us full circle.
How many of us have felt unconvinced by another person at some point or another? I mean, right now my own mother is madder than a hen dripped in hot water. Our air conditioner has went out for like the 5th or 6th time this summer. The problem is ants getting inside the relay and burning it out. The landlord is about to be get into an argument with my mother over something that she is too cheap to remedy the problem. An exterminator is all she needs to get rid of the problem but instead she would rather keep sending someone out to fix the same thing over and over again.
So I’m trying to examine my own life and sinful ways in this type of scenario. Asking God to forgive me for the sinful things I do when maybe the problem goes beyond me sinning and into what is in my life that causes the behavior in the first place. Many of us don’t look at the sin in our life as a recurring problem caused by what needs to be eliminated in our life. It could be a toxic person, friends who believe differently than you do, or a secret habit you keep in the closet away from everyone who knows you. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be around toxic people or have friends who believe differently but when we are in the presence of people who believe and behave differently than what our Bible tells us we should believe and behave then we should be prayed up for the Spirit of God to shine through.
I found a verse in Romans that describes some pretty lewd behavior but the verse after the description is how we should carry ourselves in this life. Romans 13:14,”Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” Our flesh wants to win every time, every day and we must keep our flesh under and remember that the Spirit of God lives within us if we have accepted Christ as our Savior.
My prayer is that God will find me all the time worshipping Him and wanting more and more of who He is in my life. When I decide to follow only God’s direction for my life, it is exciting! I sometimes think God is crazy for wanting to do in my life the things He has shown me but I am so excited about all of it! I strive to live a life that is free from the bondage of sin and strife. I ask the Lord to show me how to be merciful to those in my life who have harmed me and hurt me very deeply. And there are times when God just wants to be the only one to take care of those trials for me. I can’t argue with Him.
I will soon be wrapping this blogspot subject up. I will work on another blogspot and continue to post under this name but I will be changing from Down By the River. I’ve enjoyed this time with my mother and getting to have special time with her daily in my life. God is so amazing at bringing our life back to us full circle.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
My outing today, has given me closesure.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The zoo outing with my mother today was so much fun. I caught mom asking at least 3 times before this morning, "Are we still planning on going to the zoo tomorrow?" It was like she was the kid for a change. We had a blast and made pictures in a photo booth. I need to find a way to get it posted on this spot. On the way home mom asked what my favorite part of the trip was? I said taking the picture and of course she wanted to know out of the exhibits which one I liked the best. I liked the turtles I filmed for my son to see. He loves turtles and I would've filmed and taken pictures of the lizards & snakes for him but mom didn't want to go into that exhibit. So I was content to not go. She really wanted to see the sea lions but they had already put them up for the day when we got to their exhibit.
We've already made plans to go back in October when they open a new attraction with black bears and wolves from the northwest area of our country. We also come up with another outing to do in the mean time but I've since forgotten what it was. It's just fun to be able to make plans to spend time with my mother. When you go 29 years without having your mother in your life daily, it does something to your soul that it never forgets. Not that I want a sob hanky rag or anything but I know I suffer from bipolar disorder b/c of the many heartaches I endured growing up. But God never left my side during any of those times. I remember as a teenager when I missed my mom I had a stuffed bear she had given me and I named him Taylor after her maiden name, I would take that bear, crawl up in my bed to cry and hug on that gift she had given me. It was healing to be able to ask God to take my tears and make me feel better. And He always did.
Growing up my father was very good to me and he never mistreated me in any way. It just really hurt with the absence of my mother in my life. I got to see her regularly and we talked on the phone alot so the distance didn't seem as far but those 118 miles to Memphis were a world away from me when I hurt the most. When I needed my mom to help comfort those lonely nights, it's hard to talk to your dad about 'boy problems'. I had some pretty amazing girlfriends too though. They helped fill a gap that was left there by my mother's daily absence in my life. And my grandparents were super great to me during the times I was without my mom but it just wasn't the same growing up without your mom.
Now that I'm 118 miles away from my own children you probably think, "well then why do this to your own children?" I have a deeper understanding of why my mother did what she did when she did it. I couldn't stay in the place where I had my children every single day of their lives and had our life all around us. In my small hometown of McKenzie you cannot get away from what you were or what you had. And I was reminded every single day that I was trying to get my children back that I didn't have them. Plus the nosiness of some people will drive a sane person mad! I love my children very much and I'm only allowed to see them minimumally right now. I don't want to get into the details on this very public site but God eventually repays evil with justice and that's all in the Bible. I have my Bible with me right now but I just want to type without anything to hold back. 29 years later and my mother is finally getting back what the locust unjustly ate and took from her. I know the truth about what happened and it's a shame that it's a generational hand-me-down. I promise that I'm breaking this curse and it will no longer have a hold on myself or my children. God promised me in Joel 2:25, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten -...." And I'm not going to look back in order to see what has to happen in order to restore back to me what I've lost. I trust God and I know He protects me every minute of every day. I hope your protection comes from Him too.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Me and my mother!
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
So I’m sure many of you are wondering how much more am I going to add to my life. I told you about my plans to pray specifically for 7 women and keep prayer journals for each of them. And my project I’m starting with my mother, The Locust Project. I’m so excited about both. I started my prayer time for my 7 friends this morning and it was just amazing to pray for someone other than myself. To have a specific person to lift up to the Father in prayer and ask Him to shower them with blessings as they started their day. And my mother and me have our first ‘outing’ with our project tomorrow. We are going to the zoo. Remember the zoo when you were a kid, how each attraction seemed to bring God’s Kingdom of animals alive more and more. As an adult I can’t wait to go on safari in Africa one day. That would be like an adult size zoo for many. So I keep asking mom, “What are we gonna do? We need to DO something!” Now sitting here wondering about it, I keep amazing myself more and more. As children we didn’t have to go DO something to be entertained with our parents. I think just spending time with them was enough for many of us. I know that was the case for me when I would come to Memphis just to visit my mother.
So I was reading in Joel today b/c my friend, Erin told me that’s where the verse about restoring the years the locusts ate was located. Joel 2:25 to be exact, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten-…” this verse is the mantra for The Locust Project. My mother became less of a daily figure in my life in May of 1981 and as I have taken this time all summer to search the reasons I’ve moved to Memphis, I see a parallel in my own children’s lives. I ceased being in Hannah Ellen’s daily life in November of 2008 and Bryce and Celeste’s life in January of 2009. As much as it has pained my soul to be without them b/c I’ve been there every day before this time, I’ve learned to let go and patiently wait on the Lord. He has a plan and reason for all of my heart ache from this recent tragedy. Reading in my New Student Bible from the introduction of Joel the editors write, “Joel urged the priests to call a nationwide day of prayer and fasting to lead the people back to God. Then God would roll back the damage done by the locusts, and more: ‘You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you’ (Joel 2:26). They would emerge from the experience with new, durable confidence in God’s love. So it has often proved for God’s people: a disaster has pressed them to a deeper relationship with him.”
In looking back over my childhood, teenage years, and early adulthood I see how God has paved the way for this time with my mother to be unique. How many of us get the chance to really know our mothers once we are grown? If many of you are laughing saying NEVER! I can tell you now based on my own mother’s reactions to me at times, our mothers have the same sentiments! ;0) I know my mother loves me but I can be a difficult pill to live with at times. Especially if you’re female, I’m use to being around males b/c my father raised me and I had to grow up being the only girl of 4 grandchildren. I learned a lot about boys and nothing about women! So my mother has to tactfully try and teach me that I’m too matter of fact about everything. My honesty, brutal honesty, isn’t a trait my mother enjoys in me. We are learning more and more about each other every day. We have a lot in common - like coffee is OUR THING! I could drink it all the time but I have to stick to 2 pots a day. That’s my limit. Anyway I also see God’s future blessing in getting to know my mother later in life. I am more patient and willing to understand her b/c of my maturity I’ve not formed a baised opinion of her shortcomings. Remember when you were a teenager and your parents, especially your mother for us girls, drove you crazy!! I didn’t go through that too much b/c I had stepmothers. God continues to amaze me with His will for me. And though as a child and teenager I questioned my mother’s absence in my daily life, I now have a connection with my children I wouldn’t otherwise have and I can help get them through this. Back to Joel and the locusts. “Though the locust plague was by far the worst Joel had ever heard of (1:2-3), no historical record of this particular invasion has endured, other than the one Joel left us. The truth is, even the worst natural disasters fade from memory. Joel wanted the disaster to turn people’s attention toward something more lasting-toward an eternal God. Joel wanted God’s people to believe that God controlled the locusts, and, even more important, that God shaped the entire course of history to his plan. As terribly as the locusts had destroyed, and as wonderfully as God had rolled back their destruction, these events only foreshadowed far more terrible and wonderful things. Joel saw that God’s Spirit would transform his people into those who love him constantly, not just when a disaster catches their attention. After a time of terrible judgment, God would create a renewed, secure city for his people, in which he himself would live.” (The New Student Bible)
In the case of the woman in Leo Tolstoy’s short story “Prayer”, “Could it be that unanswered prayer is a strange kind of gift?” I plan to search for the answer to that question as my mother and me create The Locust Project.
So I’m sure many of you are wondering how much more am I going to add to my life. I told you about my plans to pray specifically for 7 women and keep prayer journals for each of them. And my project I’m starting with my mother, The Locust Project. I’m so excited about both. I started my prayer time for my 7 friends this morning and it was just amazing to pray for someone other than myself. To have a specific person to lift up to the Father in prayer and ask Him to shower them with blessings as they started their day. And my mother and me have our first ‘outing’ with our project tomorrow. We are going to the zoo. Remember the zoo when you were a kid, how each attraction seemed to bring God’s Kingdom of animals alive more and more. As an adult I can’t wait to go on safari in Africa one day. That would be like an adult size zoo for many. So I keep asking mom, “What are we gonna do? We need to DO something!” Now sitting here wondering about it, I keep amazing myself more and more. As children we didn’t have to go DO something to be entertained with our parents. I think just spending time with them was enough for many of us. I know that was the case for me when I would come to Memphis just to visit my mother.
So I was reading in Joel today b/c my friend, Erin told me that’s where the verse about restoring the years the locusts ate was located. Joel 2:25 to be exact, “I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten-…” this verse is the mantra for The Locust Project. My mother became less of a daily figure in my life in May of 1981 and as I have taken this time all summer to search the reasons I’ve moved to Memphis, I see a parallel in my own children’s lives. I ceased being in Hannah Ellen’s daily life in November of 2008 and Bryce and Celeste’s life in January of 2009. As much as it has pained my soul to be without them b/c I’ve been there every day before this time, I’ve learned to let go and patiently wait on the Lord. He has a plan and reason for all of my heart ache from this recent tragedy. Reading in my New Student Bible from the introduction of Joel the editors write, “Joel urged the priests to call a nationwide day of prayer and fasting to lead the people back to God. Then God would roll back the damage done by the locusts, and more: ‘You will have plenty to eat, until you are full, and you will praise the name of the Lord your God, who has worked wonders for you’ (Joel 2:26). They would emerge from the experience with new, durable confidence in God’s love. So it has often proved for God’s people: a disaster has pressed them to a deeper relationship with him.”
In looking back over my childhood, teenage years, and early adulthood I see how God has paved the way for this time with my mother to be unique. How many of us get the chance to really know our mothers once we are grown? If many of you are laughing saying NEVER! I can tell you now based on my own mother’s reactions to me at times, our mothers have the same sentiments! ;0) I know my mother loves me but I can be a difficult pill to live with at times. Especially if you’re female, I’m use to being around males b/c my father raised me and I had to grow up being the only girl of 4 grandchildren. I learned a lot about boys and nothing about women! So my mother has to tactfully try and teach me that I’m too matter of fact about everything. My honesty, brutal honesty, isn’t a trait my mother enjoys in me. We are learning more and more about each other every day. We have a lot in common - like coffee is OUR THING! I could drink it all the time but I have to stick to 2 pots a day. That’s my limit. Anyway I also see God’s future blessing in getting to know my mother later in life. I am more patient and willing to understand her b/c of my maturity I’ve not formed a baised opinion of her shortcomings. Remember when you were a teenager and your parents, especially your mother for us girls, drove you crazy!! I didn’t go through that too much b/c I had stepmothers. God continues to amaze me with His will for me. And though as a child and teenager I questioned my mother’s absence in my daily life, I now have a connection with my children I wouldn’t otherwise have and I can help get them through this. Back to Joel and the locusts. “Though the locust plague was by far the worst Joel had ever heard of (1:2-3), no historical record of this particular invasion has endured, other than the one Joel left us. The truth is, even the worst natural disasters fade from memory. Joel wanted the disaster to turn people’s attention toward something more lasting-toward an eternal God. Joel wanted God’s people to believe that God controlled the locusts, and, even more important, that God shaped the entire course of history to his plan. As terribly as the locusts had destroyed, and as wonderfully as God had rolled back their destruction, these events only foreshadowed far more terrible and wonderful things. Joel saw that God’s Spirit would transform his people into those who love him constantly, not just when a disaster catches their attention. After a time of terrible judgment, God would create a renewed, secure city for his people, in which he himself would live.” (The New Student Bible)
In the case of the woman in Leo Tolstoy’s short story “Prayer”, “Could it be that unanswered prayer is a strange kind of gift?” I plan to search for the answer to that question as my mother and me create The Locust Project.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The Locust Project
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
Lately the thought of writing a book has been on mind. So I’ve prayed about it, using the excuse that I could never finish the project while going to school to finish my degree. I’ve even been up in the air about what to write about also. I don’t intend on writing a book that dishes all the dirt and nothing positive comes from it. I’m not sure a book about all the dirt and filth I’ve been through would ever sell. The only way I would write about anything tragic is if it could help someone keep from making the same mistakes I’ve made. I love my family way too much to humiliate anyone in order to sell a book. Hopefully one day the Lord will bless me with the ability and words to talk about much of the tragedy I’ve seen and been through.
My idea for a book will actually take more time than just writing it b/c I’m making it a project that I complete with my mother. It is actually quite fun and it had to come from God b/c I’m not this creative. I will write the book with mom’s input and help. We missed out on 29 years of being in each other’s life daily and now we live together. So the project is about us gaining all those years back in a few months to a couple of years. The words of an evangelist ring in my ears, “Get back the years the locust ate.” In the following months my mother and me will be doing projects that require us to tell each other about our present and past life. Both of us come up with questions for the other to answer. I’m calling it the Locust Project, so to speak. And when we are finished with the project end of it, I’m going to write a book based on our experience through the project questions and to candidly describe what we were going through the past 29 years of our relationship.
Mom likes the idea and is even complimenting my creativity. I should talk to someone about patenting this idea and making it something mothers and daughters around the world can participate in. Mom is even saying we need to go on the Dr. Phil show. :0) I’m just smiling through all the ideas and possibilities. God will bless this project when I give Him all the praise and glory for it. I do believe it is my way of showing my mother that I’ve always loved her and love her still. I want to give her the world b/c she choose to give me life in a time of her life that making the choice to end my life could have been an option. I know I’m a miracle of God b/c my mother told me about how amazing it was to be my mother. God will always give back to you what you’ve lost if only you will search His heart to get it back.
I’m setting myself on a goal date. I am going to take 2 years to do this project. And if I write it as I go then it shouldn’t take me too long to put it together for a publisher. I should give the first copy of the book to my mother for Christmas 2011. Wow, I said it and put myself on a date for the goal! Pray for me as we have a blast doing something together and that I’ll have the patience needed to get this thing published! I may put up a website for the Locust Project and get ideas from mothers & daughters around the world.
Lately the thought of writing a book has been on mind. So I’ve prayed about it, using the excuse that I could never finish the project while going to school to finish my degree. I’ve even been up in the air about what to write about also. I don’t intend on writing a book that dishes all the dirt and nothing positive comes from it. I’m not sure a book about all the dirt and filth I’ve been through would ever sell. The only way I would write about anything tragic is if it could help someone keep from making the same mistakes I’ve made. I love my family way too much to humiliate anyone in order to sell a book. Hopefully one day the Lord will bless me with the ability and words to talk about much of the tragedy I’ve seen and been through.
My idea for a book will actually take more time than just writing it b/c I’m making it a project that I complete with my mother. It is actually quite fun and it had to come from God b/c I’m not this creative. I will write the book with mom’s input and help. We missed out on 29 years of being in each other’s life daily and now we live together. So the project is about us gaining all those years back in a few months to a couple of years. The words of an evangelist ring in my ears, “Get back the years the locust ate.” In the following months my mother and me will be doing projects that require us to tell each other about our present and past life. Both of us come up with questions for the other to answer. I’m calling it the Locust Project, so to speak. And when we are finished with the project end of it, I’m going to write a book based on our experience through the project questions and to candidly describe what we were going through the past 29 years of our relationship.
Mom likes the idea and is even complimenting my creativity. I should talk to someone about patenting this idea and making it something mothers and daughters around the world can participate in. Mom is even saying we need to go on the Dr. Phil show. :0) I’m just smiling through all the ideas and possibilities. God will bless this project when I give Him all the praise and glory for it. I do believe it is my way of showing my mother that I’ve always loved her and love her still. I want to give her the world b/c she choose to give me life in a time of her life that making the choice to end my life could have been an option. I know I’m a miracle of God b/c my mother told me about how amazing it was to be my mother. God will always give back to you what you’ve lost if only you will search His heart to get it back.
I’m setting myself on a goal date. I am going to take 2 years to do this project. And if I write it as I go then it shouldn’t take me too long to put it together for a publisher. I should give the first copy of the book to my mother for Christmas 2011. Wow, I said it and put myself on a date for the goal! Pray for me as we have a blast doing something together and that I’ll have the patience needed to get this thing published! I may put up a website for the Locust Project and get ideas from mothers & daughters around the world.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Yeah! Got my new laptop.
Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
My new computer came today and I’m typing away on it. I’m so excited about having it b/c well, doesn’t new stuff just make you feel new yourself. I know that sounded rather cheesy and maybe weird but I’ve thought about this new piece of equipment ever since I’ve started shopping around for one. I want to write books and I’ve started the process and owning a laptop will now help me to get going more with what I’ve already started. So, yeah I’m weird b/c I think having a new laptop makes me feel ‘new’. Some people feel this way about a new car or new home or new clothes. I feel this way about a laptop b/c I’ve got some great projects (that will glorify Jesus) I would like to complete with the use of this thing.
I’ve discovered a new author who is quickly becoming one of my favorites. Her name is Michelle McKinney Hammond. I was at the grocery store with my mom after the movie we went to and I picked up a strangely titled book that Ms. Hammond wrote and I couldn’t put it down. I didn’t bring enough money with me and I went home trying not to think of the book but the more I tried not to think about it, the more the book was on my mind and I had to have it. I checked at the library first to see if they had a copy and they didn’t have the particular book I had picked up at the grocery store but they had several of her books. My mom told me she had read one of her books and she liked it. Well by 10 Wednesday night I couldn’t stand it anymore, I had to have that book, I went to the store and bought it. Then yesterday I picked up from the library a couple of other books by the same author. She is an excellent Christian writer and I aspire to do the same type of ministry that she is involved doing.
The book I bought by Michelle McKinney Hammond has me smiling at my decision to not put myself out there to date. The book is centered around finding the man that you want to be found by. (I know how do I do that if I don’t date!) The name of the book is How to be Found By the Man You’ve Been Looking For. It is centered around the Biblical story of Ruth and her mother-in-law, Naomi. Naomi’s 2 sons were named Mahlon which means “sickly” and Chilion which means “wasting away”. “It is time to take control of our lives, ladies, and guard our hearts so we do not grow sickly and waste away after enduring disappointment after disappointment.” I decided as I was divorcing, 2 years ago, that I would not date b/c my children deserved to have my undivided attention b/c they were hurt and suffering from the absence of their father in their daily life. 3 children, are you kidding?! How did I have time to shower myself much less go date?! Anyway, after about almost a year, I decided to date. That was last summer and OMGosh!!!!! It was a nightmare and maybe b/c I have high standards not to mention I want a man who loves my Jesus as much or more than I do. 3 men over a period of 3 months, 2 of them only got 1 date and the third was one of my good friends from high school. I did have a lot of fun with him but he definitely didn’t believe like I did about my God and His son. It was heart tugging to let him go but I told God that I wouldn’t compromise my beliefs for any man.
So I thought about my “new” blogspot topic and I did entertain a dating blog but…..I’m still laughing hang on, WHEW! Okay, see I start college classes in about 10 days and I don’t have time to date right now. And I’m not up for it right now. Sure, if a great guy came along, I’d give him my time and pray that he understands that I’m busy. I guess my take on dating after being married twice, one ending in his untimely death and the other ending in a type of spiritual death for me, is that if God wants to bless me with a wonderful person to be my companion….it will happen without my help. I know I have to be willing to be ‘out there’ (so to speak) to be in the ‘know’ but I don’t have to try so hard. I see women day after day, night after night tripping all over themselves just to be with a man. That is sooo not me and any of my friends reading this know about how much I put myself out there to be noticed. And noticed I get anyway without trying so…..(no I’m not bragging, it’s the truth).
Now, my BFF, Andrea aka Sunshine knows the deepest, darkest secrets of my heart. And she will tell you that I am crazy about a couple of people in my life. BUT….I’m learning to let go and let God with any person that has been in my past either for a while or briefly. Andrea won’t tell you who I’m crazy about and neither will she give you details of how I gush about anyone. A girl has to have something to dream about at night so yes I do like men. I just don’t see the need to put myself out there or fall all over myself to be noticed by my heart’s desire. The Lord will do what He has planned as long as I follow Him and His will for my life, even when that plan doesn’t have who I thought it might have in it. I will follow God’s lead.
So for a blog I’ve decided to follow another friend or acquaintance of mine. She has picked a number of ladies to pray for, for a month. And I’ve decided to do that and I’ve gotten several books from the library on the subject of prayer. The first one explores the topic of When God Doesn’t Answer Your Prayer, which is a book written by Jerry Sittser. With the 7 ladies I’ve picked to pray for I’m purchasing a $1 notebook to write in and it will be filled with my prayers to God, letters from me to them, and answers from God through me to them. My BFF is one of my 7 and my mother is another. I’ve made a list of what I’m specifically praying for each week starting August 24th. So I challenge my followers to pick a few people to pray for, for 30 days and see what happens. At the end of the 30 days time of prayer, I plan on fasting in prayer for them.
All this came to me yesterday when I asked God to change my heart toward prayer. My prayer time has become a little stale and I want it to be exciting and new. The word new doesn’t mean it replaces the old. Webster says that new is of recent origin, production, purchase, etc; having but lately come or been brought into being. Also of a kind now existing or appearing for the first time or now become known. So if you feel a little stuck in your prayer time or with your growth with God try prayer, a new approach to prayer might be what helps. I know I’m looking forward to offering up petitions on behalf of someone besides myself. I was getting a little bit selfish with my shallow “please gimme” prayers to God. I know God is gonna bless the 7 women I choose to lift up daily in prayer. And in the process I may find something I never knew was there the entire time.
My new computer came today and I’m typing away on it. I’m so excited about having it b/c well, doesn’t new stuff just make you feel new yourself. I know that sounded rather cheesy and maybe weird but I’ve thought about this new piece of equipment ever since I’ve started shopping around for one. I want to write books and I’ve started the process and owning a laptop will now help me to get going more with what I’ve already started. So, yeah I’m weird b/c I think having a new laptop makes me feel ‘new’. Some people feel this way about a new car or new home or new clothes. I feel this way about a laptop b/c I’ve got some great projects (that will glorify Jesus) I would like to complete with the use of this thing.
I’ve discovered a new author who is quickly becoming one of my favorites. Her name is Michelle McKinney Hammond. I was at the grocery store with my mom after the movie we went to and I picked up a strangely titled book that Ms. Hammond wrote and I couldn’t put it down. I didn’t bring enough money with me and I went home trying not to think of the book but the more I tried not to think about it, the more the book was on my mind and I had to have it. I checked at the library first to see if they had a copy and they didn’t have the particular book I had picked up at the grocery store but they had several of her books. My mom told me she had read one of her books and she liked it. Well by 10 Wednesday night I couldn’t stand it anymore, I had to have that book, I went to the store and bought it. Then yesterday I picked up from the library a couple of other books by the same author. She is an excellent Christian writer and I aspire to do the same type of ministry that she is involved doing.
The book I bought by Michelle McKinney Hammond has me smiling at my decision to not put myself out there to date. The book is centered around finding the man that you want to be found by. (I know how do I do that if I don’t date!) The name of the book is How to be Found By the Man You’ve Been Looking For. It is centered around the Biblical story of Ruth and her mother-in-law, Naomi. Naomi’s 2 sons were named Mahlon which means “sickly” and Chilion which means “wasting away”. “It is time to take control of our lives, ladies, and guard our hearts so we do not grow sickly and waste away after enduring disappointment after disappointment.” I decided as I was divorcing, 2 years ago, that I would not date b/c my children deserved to have my undivided attention b/c they were hurt and suffering from the absence of their father in their daily life. 3 children, are you kidding?! How did I have time to shower myself much less go date?! Anyway, after about almost a year, I decided to date. That was last summer and OMGosh!!!!! It was a nightmare and maybe b/c I have high standards not to mention I want a man who loves my Jesus as much or more than I do. 3 men over a period of 3 months, 2 of them only got 1 date and the third was one of my good friends from high school. I did have a lot of fun with him but he definitely didn’t believe like I did about my God and His son. It was heart tugging to let him go but I told God that I wouldn’t compromise my beliefs for any man.
So I thought about my “new” blogspot topic and I did entertain a dating blog but…..I’m still laughing hang on, WHEW! Okay, see I start college classes in about 10 days and I don’t have time to date right now. And I’m not up for it right now. Sure, if a great guy came along, I’d give him my time and pray that he understands that I’m busy. I guess my take on dating after being married twice, one ending in his untimely death and the other ending in a type of spiritual death for me, is that if God wants to bless me with a wonderful person to be my companion….it will happen without my help. I know I have to be willing to be ‘out there’ (so to speak) to be in the ‘know’ but I don’t have to try so hard. I see women day after day, night after night tripping all over themselves just to be with a man. That is sooo not me and any of my friends reading this know about how much I put myself out there to be noticed. And noticed I get anyway without trying so…..(no I’m not bragging, it’s the truth).
Now, my BFF, Andrea aka Sunshine knows the deepest, darkest secrets of my heart. And she will tell you that I am crazy about a couple of people in my life. BUT….I’m learning to let go and let God with any person that has been in my past either for a while or briefly. Andrea won’t tell you who I’m crazy about and neither will she give you details of how I gush about anyone. A girl has to have something to dream about at night so yes I do like men. I just don’t see the need to put myself out there or fall all over myself to be noticed by my heart’s desire. The Lord will do what He has planned as long as I follow Him and His will for my life, even when that plan doesn’t have who I thought it might have in it. I will follow God’s lead.
So for a blog I’ve decided to follow another friend or acquaintance of mine. She has picked a number of ladies to pray for, for a month. And I’ve decided to do that and I’ve gotten several books from the library on the subject of prayer. The first one explores the topic of When God Doesn’t Answer Your Prayer, which is a book written by Jerry Sittser. With the 7 ladies I’ve picked to pray for I’m purchasing a $1 notebook to write in and it will be filled with my prayers to God, letters from me to them, and answers from God through me to them. My BFF is one of my 7 and my mother is another. I’ve made a list of what I’m specifically praying for each week starting August 24th. So I challenge my followers to pick a few people to pray for, for 30 days and see what happens. At the end of the 30 days time of prayer, I plan on fasting in prayer for them.
All this came to me yesterday when I asked God to change my heart toward prayer. My prayer time has become a little stale and I want it to be exciting and new. The word new doesn’t mean it replaces the old. Webster says that new is of recent origin, production, purchase, etc; having but lately come or been brought into being. Also of a kind now existing or appearing for the first time or now become known. So if you feel a little stuck in your prayer time or with your growth with God try prayer, a new approach to prayer might be what helps. I know I’m looking forward to offering up petitions on behalf of someone besides myself. I was getting a little bit selfish with my shallow “please gimme” prayers to God. I know God is gonna bless the 7 women I choose to lift up daily in prayer. And in the process I may find something I never knew was there the entire time.
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